


all I want for Christmas

by SilverHeart09



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F, human nature au, junior doctor!thirteen, thasmin, thirteen as a disaster human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21522685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverHeart09/pseuds/SilverHeart09
Summary: It's Christmas in Sheffield and the Doctor has been missing for eight weeks. Yaz is convinced she pushed her away, but when she's injured at work one night she realises perhaps the Doctor has been closer than they suspected all along...
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 331
Kudos: 295





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THAT'S RIGHT IT'S YA GIRL SILVER BACK ON HER BULLSHIT  
> Can I finish this before Christmas? Or indeed before series 12 starts? Who knows!  
> TRAILER DAY TOMORROW WHO'S EXCITED ME ME ME
> 
> Special thanks to Bow_Ties for proof reading this for me <3 <3
> 
> Be aware - the rating is gonna change and this is gonna get smutty. You know me.

It wasn’t that Yaz disliked Christmas, it was more that the over-commercialization of it had somewhat taken the joy out of the season. Adverts were pasted against every shop window, the TV constantly told her to find the perfect gift for that special someone, and Yaz could hardly check her emails any more without internet cookies popping up showing her various items of clothing with rainbow motifs. 

Honestly, you buy your rainbow-obsessed friend a scarf  _ one time… _

Yaz didn't celebrate Christmas, but her parents had always decorated the flat when her and Sonya had been small so they didn't miss out on the festivities. This tradition had continued and when Yaz got home from work that evening she found her family gathered around a bare christmas tree, digging baubles and tinsel out of boxes and arguing about whether the lights or tinsel should go on first. 

‘We have this discussion every year,’ Najia said. ‘It’s  _ lights  _ first,  _ then  _ tinsel.’

‘But the tinsel will cover up the lights!’ Sonya protested, and after saying a cheery hello Yaz decided to leave them to it. 

It had been a long day and her legs were aching, her feet swollen from hours shoved into her heavy work boots, and Yaz toed off her shoes and fell back onto her bed with a sigh, wriggling her toes and gazing up at her ceiling as she listened to the debate from the living room continue. 

She loved her family, but she was getting a little fed up with them now. 

Yaz curled onto her side, drawing a pillow under her arm to hold onto, and unlocked her phone. A cheery photo of the Doctor beamed at her, arms raised, knees up, a wide smile on her face as she jumped up in the air. It had been taken in the Punjab, before they’d come across Prem and his cart full of flowers, and it was such a beautiful photo that Yaz had set it as her wallpaper and never changed it back. Ryan teased her about it whenever he saw it, but Yaz ignored him. Sometimes, after a long day dealing with the worst of humanity, Yaz needed the Doctor's smile and endless enthusiasm to encourage her to keep going. She’d rather have the real deal, but in her absence a photo would suffice. 

And it had been a long absence. Eight weeks and counting.

Yaz flopped onto her back, feeling exhaustion tugging at her and tears prickling her eyes. She knew she was the reason the Doctor had abandoned them all, knew it was entirely her fault they were all stuck on Earth again while the Doctor was off doing whatever, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Graham and Ryan what had happened. She wasn’t sure why the Doctor was punishing them as well, but perhaps she’d have felt uncomfortable having just the two men on the TARDIS without Yaz. 

Her phone pinged and Yaz remembered Ryan had texted her hours ago and she hadn’t responded.

_ Last chance! You coming? There’s only a couple of tickets left. _

A gig in a local bar, that’s where Ryan was this evening. He’d invited her but Yaz didn't think she could stomach it. Having to pretend to Ryan that everything was fine, that the Doctor had just gotten her dates mixed up as she so often did and she’d soon realise and come back for them, having to lie to her friends… Yaz couldn’t bear it. She texted Ryan back to decline his invite and got under the sheets, not bothering to change into her pyjamas first. It was quiet in her room, despite the muffled voices of her family outside and the sound of traffic in the street below, and Yaz soon fell asleep and dreamed of the stars. 

* * *

Steph yawned into her elbow and downed her coffee, feeling the bitter taste of it burn the back of her throat. She felt a little nauseous and knew the coffee wasn’t going to help with that, but equally she also felt exhausted and knew the coffee  _ would  _ help with  _ that.  _ A quick glance at the clock informed her it was 3am and Steph grumbled quietly to herself as she headed back into majors, checking the status of her patients with the nurses and flipping through a few obs charts. Stroke, heart attack, suspected AAA, the usual. Luckily everyone was reasonably stable and Steph allowed herself a rare moment to finish her notes, dropping into the computer chair and rolling her eyes at the online crossword one of the nurses had been doing to kill time. 

‘I’m stuck on 3 down, if you fancy it,’ the nurse in question said, pointing it out to her. 

‘Easy!’ Steph said, reading the question. ‘“Political party affiliated with Alexander Hamilton”.  _ Federalist.  _ He wrote 51 Federalist papers you know. Mental.’ 

She typed it in and it turned green to indicate it was the correct answer. She was just about to attempt 6 across when an alarm went off and she sprang up and out of the chair. No rest for junior doctors, especially not in A&E on a Friday night. 

* * *

Yaz woke up in the dark, her phone alarm trilling merrily on her bedside table; not caring it was still pitch black outside. 

She lay in the dark for a moment, contemplating why she’d agreed to this Saturday shift, before remembering that she had nothing better to do and had wanted to get out of her aunt’s annual christmas party. It wasn’t that she disliked her aunt, they just had a difference of opinion when it came to sexuality; specifically relating to burning in hellfire for the rest of eternity. 

She checked her phone and noticed a text from Ryan with a clip of the band from last night attached. It was some kind of hip-hop music but Yaz smiled as she watched it and a pang of guilt nudged at her heart for not being there. It would have been fun, hanging out with Ryan, but she still couldn’t bear to look him in the eye and it wouldn’t feel right hanging out with him and Graham without the Doctor there as well.

Not that Yaz was ever going to see her again. She’d burned that bridge completely. 

The cold air nipped at her when Yaz stepped outside, shivering in her coat. The sunrise promised another gloomy day and as Yaz headed towards her car she saw a familiar shape stood next to it; leaning nonchalantly against her hood.

‘If you’re stalking me I can arrest you,’ Yaz told Ryan, who only shrugged at her in response. 

‘If that’s what it’ll take to get you to tell me what’s going on, so be it.’

‘Can we not do this now?’ Yaz asked quietly, fiddling with her car keys. ‘I need to get to work.’ 

‘Can you give me a lift in?’ Ryan asked hopefully. ‘I’ve got some last minute Christmas shopping to do and don’t fancy the buses. Don’t tell grandad.’ 

‘Last minute Christmas shopping at 7am?’ Yaz asked him, eyebrow raised, and Ryan looked sheepish. 

‘I mean, I wanted to avoid the rush, but I also wanted a chance to talk to you, one on one.’ He looked at her, head tilted in concern. ‘You’ve not been the same after we came back from that party and the Doctor looked upset about something as well. Did something happen between the two of you? Did you fall out or something?’

Yaz burst into tears and Ryan looked panicked. 

‘Ah no come on, Yaz. I didn't mean to upset you. Here, gimme your keys let’s get you in the car. It’s freezing out here.’ 

It wasn’t much warmer in the car but at least it was out of the wind, and Yaz rubbed the tears away from her eyes as Ryan sat quietly beside her; waiting for her to compose herself. 

‘It’s my fault,’ Yaz mumbled. ‘It’s all my fault the Doctor isn’t coming back.’

‘Not coming back?’ Ryan said, looking confused. ‘I mean I know it’s been longer than she said but I didn't once get the impression it was goodbye.’

‘She hates endings,’ Yaz whispered miserably. She looked up at Ryan, face wretched and eyes red. ‘It’s my fault. I screwed up. I did something I shouldn’t have and I scared her away.’

‘What could you have possibly done that would have scared off the Doctor?’ Ryan replied, scoffing incredulously. ‘She’s not afraid of anything. Not even that Dalek slowed her down.’ 

Yaz twisted her hands nervously in her lap. It felt good to talk about it, even though admitting what she’d done terrified her, but Ryan’s eyes were kind and gentle.

Yaz took a deep breath. 

‘At the party,’ she said. ‘You know we were all a bit - sloshed.’

‘Yeah, I remember,’ Ryan laughed. ‘Grandad was busting shapes on the dancefloor, the Doctor was slurring her words and laughing at everything, and you were trying to floss. Honestly. Give a Muslin psychic alcohol.’

‘Well… the Doctor wanted to show me this artwork in the hallway,’ Yaz continued, feeling her heart beat faster in her chest. ‘And we couldn’t find you guys so we went off, just the two of us. It was this gorgeous painting. The colours were incredible and it was so vibrant and amazing…’ Yaz looked down at her scarf, twisting it in her hands. ‘And the Doctor looked so beautiful,’ she whispered quietly. ‘In her dress with her hair all curly like that. She was smiling at me and - I just couldn’t help myself, Ryan. I was drunk and she was shining and - and -’

She pressed her hands against her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay, and Ryan placed an arm carefully on her arm. 

‘What did you do, Yaz?’ he asked softly, and Yaz pulled her hands away from her face and looked out the window at the first drops of rain splattering against the glass. It was another rainy day and the sky was murky and dark. She loved her city, but it was nothing compared to the beauty of time and space. 

‘I kissed her,’ Yaz whispered. ‘I kissed her, Ryan, and I swear, I  _ swear,  _ for a split second anyway, she kissed me back.’

‘Oh, Yaz,’ Ryan said softly. ‘I thought you had feelings for her.’

‘They weren’t reciprocated though,’ Yaz said miserably. ‘Afterwards - when I pulled away - her face was just full of shock. Whatever it is I feel for her, she doesn’t feel the same way.’

‘You said she kissed you back?’ Ryan pointed out. ‘Sounds like she might have felt the same way a little bit?’

‘Maybe she just likes being kissed,’ Yaz mumbled, fresh tears leaking out the corners of her eyes. ‘But not by me.’

‘Wait,’ Ryan said with a frown. ‘Do you seriously think  _ that’s  _ the reason she hasn’t come back? Come on, Yaz. The Doctor isn’t going to give you a wide berth cause you got drunk and snogged her, she isn’t like that.’

‘Then where has she been?’ Yaz protested. ‘It’s been two months, Ryan. She said she’d be two  _ days.’ _

‘Me and Graham were thinking she just got her time coordinates a bit wrong,’ Ryan admitted. ‘But now we’re wondering if something more serious is going on.’   
‘More serious?’ Yaz said with a frown.

‘Yeah. We’re worried she’s been hurt.’

Yaz felt cold. She’d been so wrapped up in herself, in her own failures, that she hadn’t once considered that there might be another reason the Doctor hadn’t come back, that she might have been hurt. The thought of her, alone and frightened out there in time and space, was enough for panic to seize Yaz tightly, anxiety spreading through her veins. 

‘Can we call someone?’ Yaz suggested desperately. ‘Is there anyone who might know where she is? The Corsair, maybe?’

‘We thought of that but we had no idea how we’d get hold of her,’ Ryan said helplessly. ‘I’m still holding out hope she’s got her dates wrong and she’ll come back but come on, Yaz. Don’t go thinking she’s abandoned you cause you  _ kissed  _ her. Is this why you’ve been avoiding me and grandad? Cause you’re ashamed? You shouldn’t be you know. The Doctor  _ is _ attractive, in a weird quirky kind of way. I mean I’m not into her but I’m not blind either. Good for you for finally making the first move, you could cut the tension between the two of you with a knife.’

‘Obviously not,’ Yaz whispered, and Ryan elbowed her. 

‘Don’t be daft. She has feelings for you too, definitely. Maybe it’s just taking her a bit longer to realise that. Now come on, get a move on or you’ll be late for work and you’re not gonna get any Christmas presents from me.’ 

With a start, Yaz realised they’d been chatting for twenty minutes and she quickly turned on the ignition and turned up the heat, giving Ryan’s hand a grateful squeeze before reversing out of the car park and onto the main road. 

* * *

Steph was exhausted by the time she finally finished her shift, rubbing her tired eyes and sipping her takeaway tea as she headed towards the bus stop. She was almost three hours late finishing and had to do it all over again that same evening but this was a common occurrence, she didn't remember the last time she’d actually managed to finish work on time. 

She got a nasty shock when she reached the bus stop and realised the bus wasn’t coming for another half an hour. Cursing saturday timetables, Steph decided to walk. She’d most likely fall asleep on the bus anyway and at least this way she’d get some fresh air after being stuck inside the stuffy hospital all night. Her head felt groggy and she felt as though there were blinkers over her eyes, urging her towards her bed and preventing her from focusing on anything else.

It started raining halfway there and Steph pulled her hood over her head, shivering in her thin coat. She really needed a new one, with a proper hood that actually fit over the short ponytail holding her hair up. Or maybe an umbrella. Or both. 

The centre of Sheffield was already busy with early morning shoppers and commuters but Steph paid them no heed, focusing only on her bed. The rain was coming down torrential now, soaking her to the skin, and Steph hurried along a little faster; feet slipping in the puddles. She liked Yorkshire, though she did wish it didn't rain quite so much. She’d moved here as part of her training program and had yet to properly explore the city. She always got the weirdest feeling that she’d been there before, though she didn't think she had. She knew the cafe on the corner did an amazing fried-egg sandwich, but she expected she’d read it in a review somewhere. She certainly had never eaten there.

At least, she didn't think she had.

Her little flat was in a quiet residential area full of students reasonably close to town and Steph sneezed as she unlocked the door and peeled off her wet coat. It had done nothing to keep her dry and she was soaked through underneath. She took off her shoes before she trailed water through her flat, climbing the stairs to the second floor and inserting her key into the lock; abandoning her shoes by the door.

It was warm in her flat, if a little empty, and Steph headed towards the shower, peeling off wet clothes and leaving them in the corridor as she went. The water was hot and warmed her a little, though she still felt slightly frozen even after pulling on warm pyjamas and settling into her bed; her muscles finally relaxing after her busy shift. 

She fell asleep to the sound of the wind against the window, and dreamt of blue boxes and adventures throughout time and space. 

* * *

The call came in about an hour before Yaz was due to finish for the day, a mugging turned ugly that had landed one woman in hospital after she’d been stabbed through the abdomen. The suspects had fled the scene but Yaz and her partner had been asked to try and get CCTV footage from the shop next door; apparently it had a clear sight into the alleyway and it should be reasonably easy to identify the perpetrators. The rain had eased off a little even though it was still windy and cold and Yaz shoved her hands in her police vest once they’d stepped out of the car, grateful for a change from parking duty even if collecting CCTV footage wasn’t that much more exciting. 

‘Should be nice and quick,’ her partner - Robin - said. He was a couple of years older than her but was fun to hang out with and Yaz was grateful she got on so well with him. There was nothing worse than sitting in a patrol car all day with a partner who barely spoke a word. 

‘Now you’ve said that, something’s bound to go wrong,’ Yaz said, pulling the cap of her police hat a little further over her forehead as it started to rain again, fat drops splattering against her uniform. 

‘Why, you’ve got somewhere to be?’ Robin teased, and Yaz contemplated. She’d received a text from Ryan earlier that day insisting she come round after work to see him and Graham. She hadn’t responded either way, hadn’t really had another chance to look at her phone, but she was definitely starting to consider it. Ryan was right. She needed to stop avoiding them.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Yaz asked Robin hesitantly. ‘It’s gonna sound a bit - odd.’

‘Go for it,’ Robin replied, eyebrow raised. ‘Everything alright?’

‘Yeah, I think so,’ Yaz responded, checking her torch was still on her belt as they neared the alley. ‘Say someone kissed you, and you weren’t into it, would you then ignore that person for two months?’

‘Two months?’ Robin replied, confused. ‘Definitely not. If someone kissed me and I wasn’t into it I’d tell them straight away. What if you then bumped into that person after two months? Sounds super awkward to me. Why do you ask?’

‘No reason,’ Yaz said, plastering a fake smile on her face. ‘Just wanted your opinion. I think this is the shop.’

It was an off licence with an over-enthusiastic shop owner who didn't stop offering them teas and coffees as they trailed through the footage of the past few hours. Truth be told, it was quite a nice way to spend the end of the shift and Yaz and Robin felt satisfied with their day when they’d found the footage; the faces of the two men clear as day and hopefully easily identifiable.

‘I know him, for a start,’ Robin said, pointing at the screen. ‘He was brought in a week or so ago on speeding offences. We’ve got his address on record. Lemme call it in, hopefully he’ll be stupid enough to go back there.’

He left the shop to radio the station and Yaz pulled out her phone to fire off a response to Ryan. Plans had been upgraded from hanging out with him and Graham to going bowling at their local alley and Yaz eagerly accepted the invite. Saturday night bowling had been a trend they’d started on board the TARDIS. It would be weird bowling without the Doctor, but it would be nice to see her two friends again. Especially now that she didn't have to hide anything from them, though she was curious and slightly apprehensive to see how Graham would react. Ryan had known she was bi since they were in primary school and if the tension between her and the Doctor really was that obvious then Graham had likely cottoned on as well. 

A noise from outside caught Yaz’s attention and her head shot up. It had sounded like metal on metal, certainly not a noise an alley cat would have made, and Yaz headed back through the shop; torch in her hand as she stepped outside and into the alley. 

‘Robin? Is that you?’ she called, but only her own voice bounced back to her off the high walls. The wind blew an empty pizza box through the air and Yaz sighed, feeling her body relaxing. In this wind it was highly possible something had been blown over to make that noise. After traveling with the Doctor, Yaz found her senses were always amped up. It had certainly made her a better police officer, but in the sudden gust of wind that send a bin flying onto its side Yaz didn't hear the footsteps until they were just behind her. 

She spun round and the blade that had been meant for her chest hit her in the shoulder instead, slicing through her skin as Yaz yelped and dropped the torch on the ground. It burnt and her shoulder throbbed as she reached out with her good arm to shove the assailant away from her, yelling for Robin over the whistle of the wind. Her attacker was the same man Robin had identified in the video and Yaz realised with a wash of cold fear that he’d been there all along, hiding until the coast was clear. 

‘Yaz! You alright?’ 

Robin’s voice was close and Yaz could hear footsteps, the sound of boots on the wet concrete as Robin raced towards the alley. 

‘Put the knife down, sir,’ Yaz said firmly, ignoring the pain in her shoulder and the blood seeping down her arm as she held out her hand, showing the man she was unarmed. He was panicking now, realising Robin was heading towards him, and he lashed out; shoving Yaz hard against the wall and clambering over the bins to escape over the security gate. 

Yaz’s head collided with the solid brick and everything went black as she dropped to the ground, Robin’s panicked voice calling her name her last conscious thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please notice the rating change! That didn't take long XD

Steph had drunk too much coffee and was now feeling slightly sick. That wasn’t helpful when you were trying to cannulate someone intent on smacking you in the face. The nurses were doing a sterling job at holding him down, but it was still touch and go and Steph very much wanted to keep her face intact. 

In his defence, he’d had a brain injury so was likely very confused and disorientated. Or maybe he was a dick usually, but Steph liked to believe in the best of people. That wasn’t easy when you worked in A&E. The best of people was very rarely what stepped through those doors. 

‘Done,’ Steph said wearily to the nurse, ducking as a fist aimed in her direction sailed past her nose. ‘Pass me that syringe?’

The sedative took effect almost immediately and Steph breathed a sigh of relief as the man slumped back against the trolley and started snoring. 

‘He’s all ready for you,’ Steph told the waiting MRI technicians. ‘Shout me when the results come back. Or if he wakes up in the scanner. Preferably the former.’ 

The man was wheeled away and Steph snuck round to the nurse’s station to shove a handful of biscuits into her mouth, hoping it would settle her stomach. She hadn’t felt particularly hungry when she’d woken up that evening and, like an idiot, hadn’t bothered to try and eat anything. Her dreams had been full of shadows and she’d woken up feeling as though she’d spent the whole day in a state of panic. A run hadn’t done much to ease her mind and her legs were now aching with the overexertion. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a proper night’s sleep. 

‘I’ve saved a tuna sandwich for you,’ one of the nurses said, nodding towards the staff room. ‘You might have to hold off a sec to eat it though. We’ve just had a call come in. Police officer injured, head vs wall.’ 

‘I’m assuming it wasn’t on purpose,’ Steph said, refreshing the computer so she could check the notes the ambulance crew were making en route. Yasmin Khan, laceration to right shoulder caused by knife wound, head injury caused by a firm shove against a brick wall. GCS 7.

_ Yasmin Khan. _

Steph felt sick again, though this time it had nothing to do with the overload of coffee. Where had she heard the name  _ Yasmin Khan?  _ It was pinging something in her mind, synapses firing. She felt the strangest sensation of falling backwards, fire igniting in her veins that had nothing to do with the obscene amount of coffee she’d inhaled.

‘Perp shoved her then got away,’ the nurse said. ‘She’s got a stab wound too, right shoulder. Paramedics don’t think it hit anything serious though, and it’s stopped bleeding.’ 

‘We haven’t got any beds left in majors,’ Steph mused. ‘If she’s awake when she comes in put her in minors, if not she’s going to have to go straight up to neuro. I’ll give them a ring and warn them. Did the paramedics manage to get hold of her next of kin?’

‘Yeah. Her family is on their way.’

A bauble fell off the Christmas tree and Steph sighed. 

‘Why do I feel like that’s an omen for how the rest of the shift is going to go,’ she muttered. 

A sudden commotion from the doors caught her attention and Steph ran over as the paramedics burst through them, wheeling a trolley containing a young woman in a police uniform. Her face was pale and caked with blood and there was a messy bandage against her shoulder. She was mumbling on the trolley, fists opening and closing, and Steph found herself reaching out for her before pulling her hand back. 

_ Yaz.  _

Steph’s head spun and as heat spread through her veins she suddenly found it difficult to listen to the paramedic’s handover. Had it always been so hot in here? Can’t have been. The doors were open and freezing Sheffield air was being blown in by the paramedics. Already she could hear some of the elderly patients waiting in the corridors complaining about the chill. 

‘... she is starting to respond but she’s very disorientated. We’ve had pressure on the stab wound for about 30 minutes now and it’s stopped bleeding. Her family are on their way in.’

Steph couldn’t stop staring at Yaz. Her heart was pounding fast and her ears were ringing, as though there was an alarm going off inside her head. Someone had hurt Yaz. Why was she even calling her Yaz? Her name was  _ Yasmin.  _

‘Steph? Do you still want her in minors? Steph? You alright?’

‘Yeah - yeah put her in minors,’ Steph stammered, taking the obs chart the paramedic handed her though she could hardly read it. She could hear her heartbeat thumping hard in her head, a dull buzzing sound invading her skull. 

‘You don’t know her, do you?’ the nurse prompted. 

‘I’m - I’m not sure.’

At the sound of her voice Yasmin’s eyes opened a little, face immediately drawn into a frown as she tried to focus. Bright lights were above her, voices all around, and her head was pounding like there was someone in it banging a drum. 

‘Steph, do you want me to get one of the other docs? You’ve gone over all funny, love. Maybe eat that sandwich, yeah?’

Yasmin’s eyes focused on hers, brown meeting the green.

‘Doctor?’ she mumbled. 

‘Yes, she’s a doctor, love,’ the nurse said. ‘She’ll sort you out.’ 

It was too much. Her scrubs felt too tight, her head was blurred and confused and Steph could hear an alarm going off; the siren loud and blaring above her, though it took her a moment to realise someone had pulled the emergency alarm and it wasn’t just in her head. 

‘Crash call!’ someone yelled. ‘Can we get a doctor over here, please?’

‘Steph!’

Her vision blurred and the ground came rushing up to meet her. 

* * *

When Yaz woke up properly, her mum was holding her hand.

‘Don’t try and move, sweetheart,’ Najia said softly. ‘They’ve given you some painkillers, strong ones. Is anything hurting?’

‘No,’ Yaz lied weakly. She felt sick and dizzy and her head was pounding but the pain was tolerable. The last thing she wanted was more drugs. There was a vague memory pressing against her forehead and she sat up suddenly, almost tilting over the side of the bed as a wave of dizziness slammed into her. 

‘I said  _ don’t  _ move,’ Najia said, rolling her eyes. ‘Where’s the fire?’

‘The Doctor was here,’ Yaz blurted out. ‘I saw her. I’m  _ sure  _ I saw her.’ 

‘There’s several doctors here, Yaz,’ her mum said patiently. ‘We’re in a hospital.’ 

‘No,  _ the  _ Doctor, mum,’ Yaz protested. ‘She was right here!’

‘Is everything alright?’

A grey haired nurse appeared from around the corner, a packet of biscuits in her hand which she placed in front of Yaz as she set about untangling the IV Yaz had managed to wrap around her arm. 

‘The doctor,’ Yaz said insistently to the nurse. ‘The blonde doctor. Where is she?’

The nurse frowned. 

‘Do you mean Steph? She was with you when you first came in, only for a short while though. We had to send her home. Poor love wasn’t feeling well. She did quite the faceplant.’

Yaz’s heart sank.

‘Does she work here, Yaz?’ Najia asked gently. ‘I mean I know she’s called the Doctor but I’ve never actually  _ seen  _ her do any doctoring.’

‘No,’ Yaz mumbled, leaning back against the pillows as her injured shoulder burned. ‘I must have just been imagining things.’

‘You were pretty out of it, love,’ the nurse said gently. ‘We’re going to keep you in for observation overnight but you’ll be out of here by the morning. Try and get some rest, if you can with all the noise.’

Yaz could hear some drunken idiot kicking off by the desk but the painkillers were tugging at her again, reminding her she was meant to be healing, and Yaz fell asleep easily. 

* * *

Steph was too wired to sleep. 

Her whole body was thrumming with energy, anxiety burning through her veins. She didn't know what was wrong with her, why had she reacted the way she had when she saw Yaz? She was just another patient, another police officer who’d been injured on the job, but she also  _ wasn’t.  _ Steph knew Yaz, that much was sure, but where  _ from? _

She swiped on lipstick, applied heavy makeup to hide the bruise forming around her eye, and left her flat. She didn't want to sleep, she didn't even really want to drink, she just wanted to  _ be  _ with someone. She’d left her motorbike at the hospital, too shaken to try and ride home, but the fresh air calmed her somewhat and she found she didn't even need to particularly think about her route; her feet simply carrying her where she needed to go. 

Steph very rarely went to a pub purely to find someone to hook up with, but her stomach had been twisting in knots since the moment she’d seen Yaz and at least with another woman’s tongue down her throat and hands in her pants she’d be momentarily distracted. 

The bar was crowded for a Saturday night, it must have been close to midnight by that point, but it didn't take long before Steph was snogging the face off some nameless stranger in the bathroom while a fire raged between her legs. Her mouth felt numb from the shots they’d been downing and her head was swirling but the woman’s lips against her own felt good and she immediately agreed when she suggested they go back to her place.

‘What happened to your eye?’ the woman asked, tracing the bruised skin softly. ‘Did someone do that to you?’

‘No, I did it to myself,’ Steph replied, practically ripping the trousers off the woman so she could slide her hand inside the flimsy material of her thong. ‘Accident at work.’

‘Poor baby,’ the woman murmured, unzipping her jeans. ‘Let me make it better.’ 

Soft lips sucked at her neck and Steph sighed as firm fingers stroked inbetween her legs. She was at the woman’s flat, wherever that was, and whilst her head was a little cloudy from the alcohol there was pleasure coiling in her belly and she moved her hips up to meet every thrust from this woman’s fingers.

Honestly, she couldn’t even remember what the woman was called. Mary? Molly? Masie? 

‘Someone likes that,’ Mary/Molly/Masie purred in her ear and Steph dragged her down for a kiss, shoving her off so she could switch their positions and bury her face between the woman’s thighs. She was going to fuck her till she forgot about Yaz. 

Mary/Molly/Masie bucked her hips, moaning loudly as Steph ran her tongue along the length of her before burying two fingers inside her. Hands fisted in her hair and Steph shoved her hand between her own legs, fucking herself roughly, unable to get the image of Yaz out of her head. 

_ She’s a police officer who got hurt and you saw her for barely a minute. What the fuck is wrong with you? _

She spelt out Yaz’s name against the woman’s clit with her tongue and when she came it was pretending it was Yaz’s fingers thrusting firmly inside her. 

* * *

In the midst of her drug-induced haze Yaz had totally forgotten she’d made plans with Ryan and Graham and neither of them were very impressed when she turned up the next day with a bruise on her head and her arm in a sling. 

‘If I ever catch the guy that did that to you,’ Graham growled once a hot cup of tea was in front of Yaz and she was settled back against the sofa cushions.

‘You’d report it to the police,’ Yaz informed him firmly. ‘Not that it matters, he’s already in custody. He was off his face on smack and forgot the station had his address on record.’ 

‘You’re not telling me he went back there?’ Ryan spluttered. ‘What a moron.’

‘Good!’ Graham said. ‘I’m glad he’s a moron. I’m just mad Yaz got hurt in the process. I’m glad you’re alright, love.’

‘I’m not sure about that,’ Yaz sighed. ‘I think I’m going mad. I’ve started seeing the Doctor everywhere.’

‘Oh?’ 

Graham exchanged a look with Ryan that immediately told Yaz he knew everything. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks in embarrassment and she looked down at the carpet, remembering the chair that had once been there. Before the Doctor had landed the TARDIS on it. How long ago had that been? It seemed like yesterday but it reality she knew it had been more like months.

‘Look, Yaz,’ Graham said gently. ‘Ryan told me about the little spat you had with the Doc, if you really wanna call it that, but come on, love. There’s no way she’s gonna abandon you just case you gave her a smooch I mean she just isn’t that sort of person.’ 

‘But then where is she?’ Yaz said. ‘I was so out of it last night I could have sworn she was in A&E.’

‘What, injured?’ Ryan said with a frown.

‘No, I thought she was one of the doctors,’ Yaz mumbled. ‘I woke up so certain it was her.’

‘I mean she does have a medical degree, however out of date it probably is,’ Graham pointed out. ‘Maybe she fancied giving the NHS a go?’

‘It’s a week till Christmas and she was meant to come back two months ago,’ Ryan said, shaking his head sadly. ‘I’m actually missing her and don’t you dare tell her I said that.’ 

‘Well, historically, weird stuff always tends to happen on Christmas day,’ Graham pointed out. ‘We’ll probably see her when the next alien race decides to ruin the festivities!’

A sudden flash of light lit up the living room and Yaz yelped as she leapt backwards, her shoulder tugging uncomfortably against its sling. A familiar jingle played and Ryan’s jaw dropped as he realised there was a Kerblam postman stood in front of them. 

‘Delivery for the fam!’ the postman said cheerily, holding out a parcel.

Graham, Yaz, and Ryan didn't move. 

‘You must accept the delivery, it has been marked as urgent,’ the postman tried again.

‘Mate,’ Graham told him. ‘If we open that, and something  _ explodes -’ _

‘Nothing will explode, Graham O'Brien,’ the postman replied. ‘The Doctor was very clear. No more exploding.’

‘Who’s the parcel from?’ Ryan asked, peering at it. It wasn’t very large, but he remembered what the bubble wrap had done. That was one of the many things he’d learnt whilst travelling with the Doctor. Awful things could also come in tiny packages.

‘Delivery from: the Doctor,’ the postman said, and Ryan very carefully took it out of his hands, holding it at arms length.

‘Remember, if you want it, Kerblam it!’ the postman said cheerily, and disappeared. 

‘What just happened?’ Graham asked, confused. 

‘We just got a delivery from the Doctor,’ Ryan said, carefully opening the package and peering inside. ‘I don’t know what it is though, looks like a cube and a disk.’

He took the disk out of the box, frowning at it, and then dropped it with a yelp as a sudden flash of light blinded him. In an instant, a holographic form of the Doctor was stood in front of them, bending down as she fiddled with something. She looked a mess. Her clothes were torn, her hair was tangled, and there was dried blood on her face. 

_ ‘Hi fam! I really hope this is working right now and I’m not just talking to myself,’  _ the hologram said, waving awkwardly at them. ‘ _ How embarrassing would that be! It’s not live, it’s a recording. I’m planning on shoving it in a Kerblam box. It should auto send when Kerblam detects that the three of you are together. Don’t worry, I’ve told them no exploding or else they’ll get a terrible Yelp review from me.’ _

She winced, a hand pressed against her side as pain flashed across her face, but in an instant she’d straightened up again. 

_ ‘Here’s the thing. Every Christmas something usually bad happens but I’m around to stop it.  _ This  _ Christmas the bad guys have got wind of that and have - well, kidnapped me.’  _ She looked embarrassed.  _ ‘I know. Don’t. It’s humiliating. Anyway, these guys aren’t  _ super  _ evil, you know, on the evilness scale, so rather than kill me they’re going to turn me human instead.’ _

‘What?!’ Ryan and Yaz said in unison. 

_ ‘It’s a thing my people can do using a device called a chameleon arch,’  _ the Doctor continued.  _ ‘This lot grabbed the TARDIS key off me and pinched it out the console room. I’ve managed to wrangle the TARDIS back off them - that should be in the box too - but they’ve still got the arch and the key and I’m a tiny bit outnumbered over here. The TARDIS is as good as useless at this point. She put herself in defence mode. Best you guys hang onto the old girl. They’re planning on keeping me on earth to live out the rest of my days as a human and - well,’  _ she looked downtrodden.  _ ‘I’m not really sure I’m gonna be able to get out of this one, fam. This might be it for adventuring in time and space.’ _

Yaz felt her stomach sink like a stone.

_ ‘I’m not sure if it’s worth trying to find me or not,’  _ the Doctor said, tugging on the ends of her hair.  _ ‘I’m not sure what would be better, to be honest. If you find me and I’m human, I’m not going to know who you are. I’ll get dreams sometimes, the planets we’ve been to, the adventures we’ve been on, but I can’t correlate it to anything and - and I’m not going to see you again. Not really. Not as  _ me.’

She shuffled her feet and Ryan realised one of her wrists and ankles were chained, the links jingling as she moved. She winced again, blood dripping down her forehead and landing on her coat. 

_ ‘I’ll leave it up to you,’  _ she said quietly.  _ ‘As to whether you want to find me or not. I’m not saying don’t, just - just be prepared. I’m not going to recognise you. It might hurt a bit.’ _

‘This can’t be happening,’ Ryan mumbled. ‘It can’t. This has got to be some kind of horrible dream.’ 

There was a noise in the recording, something which sounded familiar but which Yaz couldn’t place, and the Doctor took a deep breath. 

_ ‘Maybe take a holiday for Christmas,’  _ she said quietly.  _ ‘I know you love the christmas markets but you need to get as far away as you can. If you can convince the TARDIS to unlock herself maybe hide in there and wait it out. You’ll probably be wasting your energy though. I’m not sure what they’re planning, but it probably won’t be fun. And if you find a watch - a fob watch -’ _

She trailed off and shook her head sadly.  _ ‘Nah. They won’t be that stupid.’  _ A voice sounded and the Doctor looked panicked. She turned back to the three of them and offered a sad smile. 

_ ‘Thanks for being my fam. I’m gonna miss you.’ _

She leaned forward and the hologram disappeared, leaving her three friends sat in stunned silence; unable to process what had just happened. 

‘She said the TARDIS was in there, Ryan,’ Graham remembered after a moment. ‘D’you reckon that Kerblam box is bigger on the inside? It doesn’t look big enough.’

Ryan reached into the box and pulled out a cube, decorated with the Gallifreyan symbols that also adorned the TARDIS’ console room. 

‘It’s just this,’ he said, holding it up. 

‘That doesn’t look much like the TARDIS,’ Graham said, pointing out the obvious. ‘Although the symbols look about right.’

‘She said it was in defence mode,’ Yaz remembered. ‘Maybe that’s the TARDIS in defence mode?’

‘A tiny cube?’ Ryan said, bringing it up to his face to inspect it. ‘That’s annoying. My fav jacket is in there somewhere.’

They sat together for a moment, not speaking as they contemplated what the holographic Doctor had just told them. 

‘Ryan,’ Graham said carefully. ‘Is there a packing slip in that box? You know, like the one the System sent when it asked the Doc for help?’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan said, retrieving it. ‘There isn’t a message on it, just the date the box was posted. That’s weird, it isn’t a space date. It’s a regular Earth date.’

‘When was it sent?’ Yaz asked quietly, feeling her shoulder begin to throb with pain as the medication wore off. ‘What’s the date?’

‘Two months ago,’ Ryan said, reading the slip. ‘Only a couple of days since she dropped us off.’

‘Two months,’ Yaz said miserably. ‘She’s been human for  _ two months  _ and we didn't realise cause I was so convinced  _ I  _ was the reason she’d left us.’

‘Now come on,’ Graham said gently. ‘You know that’s rubbish.’

‘She said it herself!’ Yaz cried. ‘The postman was only going to deliver when the three of us were  _ together.  _ I’ve been avoiding you guys so the parcel only just got to us and she’s been human and alone for  _ two months.’ _

Yaz stood up and fled the room, arm burning with pain, tears falling from her eyes. It was all her fault. It wasn’t the Doctor she’d pushed away, it was Graham and Ryan and this was her punishment, this was the repercussion. By abandoning her two friends, she’d also abandoned the Doctor. 

* * *

Steph slipped out of Mary/Molly/Masie’s bed the next morning while the other woman was still sleeping and silently collected her clothes from the floor, tugging them on quietly before tip toeing out of the flat. She had no intention of suffering through an awkward post-sex conversation with her and it wasn’t as though she needed anything else from her. She expected the feeling was mutual. They’d both got what they needed.

Suddenly, her eyes blurred and she realised she was crying. She lifted a finger to her cheek, felt the wet on them, and frowned. Where had they come from? She didn't feel sad, though her head was beginning to pound as a hangover began to make itself known. She suspected smacking her face against the hard floor of A&E hadn’t helped much either and she cringed with embarrassment as she remembered the faces of what had seemed like half the staff peering down at her as she’d slowly come to. She wasn’t going to forget that in a while. She suspected her colleagues weren’t going to let her either. 

A pang of guilt punched into her stomach and Steph winced as she remembered how desperately she’d pictured the young police officer from last night while she’d fucked - whatever her name was. She was starting to suspect it might not even have begun with an M. Had she really been the reason she’d fainted? She’d felt unwell beforehand, but not in the  _ I’m going to faint  _ kind of way. More in the  _ I need to cut back on caffeine  _ kind of way. 

Her flat was cold and Steph didn't bother getting changed, deciding it would probably be best to just clamber into bed fully clothed to sleep off the rest of her hangover; head buried under her pillow as she tried to get all thoughts of Yaz out of her head. 

She awoke four hours later screaming herself hoarse, hands pressed either side of her head as the memory of the worst pain she’d ever experienced burned through her skull.

It was gone instantly and Steph found herself panting as the aftereffects of her nightmare gripped at her, skin sweaty and heart pounding. She had weird dreams sometimes, metal creatures and wooden witches, but this wasn’t a dream; this was pain. This was actual, proper,  _ pain. _

She tripped out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, throwing up what meager contents was left in her stomach. She suddenly felt too hot and she stripped off her clothes, turning the shower on and switching off the hot tap. A cold shower sounded ideal right now. 

She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror, hair messed in that  _ just fucked  _ way that never suited her, eye black and bruised, face pale and thin. She wondered when it was she’d started looking like a ghost. 

A smudge caught her attention and she turned around to scrutinise her naked body in the mirror. There was a phone number scrawled across her butt with a picture of a flower next to it. 

She scronched her face. 

_ Daisy.  _ That was the name of the girl from last night. At least she’d been kind of close with Masie. Steph quickly scribbled the number down, just in case, and stepped under the freezing spray; the water washing away her sins of the night before and all memories of Yasmin Khan. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of drug use!

By the time Yaz had composed herself and headed back into the house, Graham and Ryan had replayed the Doctor's message and had made notes on it, frowning to themselves over a plate of mince pies. 

‘ _“They’re planning on keeping me on Earth”,_ ’ Graham pondered aloud. ‘The implication being she was _already_ on Earth when that message was recorded.’

‘Meaning the bad guys probably are as well,’ Ryan realised. ‘Maybe they’re not planning on launching an attack from space? Maybe they’re already here?’

‘What are you doing?’ Yaz said with a frown, looking down at the pages of notes Graham had made in his neat handwriting. He’d circled _fob watch_ three times with a felt tip, but only questions marks were leading off from it. 

‘Well it’s like the Doc said,’ Graham said. ‘There’s going to be an attack on Earth at Christmas and she isn’t going to be around to sort it.’

‘Meaning it’s up to us to stop it,’ Ryan chimed in. ‘We’re trying to work out if she left us any clues in the message.’

The thought hadn’t occurred to Yaz, but when Ryan played the message again there were a couple of things that drew her attention immediately. 

‘ _“I know you love the christmas markets”_ ,’ Yaz repeated. ‘Do we? Have we ever told her that?’

‘Are we assuming she’s still in Sheffield?’ Graham asked, mince pie crumbs falling from his mouth. ‘Cause there’s that big christmas market they put on in the centre every year, she could be referring to that. If she’s referring to another one then - well, we’re never going to search every christmas market on Earth in time for the day itself.’

Yaz picked up the TARDIS cube and held it in her hands. She traced the markings with her fingers but the box remained still, not offering anything. 

‘ _“If you can convince the TARDIS to unlock herself maybe hide in there and wait it out. You’ll probably be wasting your energy though”_ ,’ Yaz said slowly, feeling the words form in her mouth. ‘There’s something about that sentence that doesn’t sound right.’

‘We can try asking nicely?’ Ryan suggested. ‘Um, excuse me… TARDIS. I’m not sure if you actually have a name, though the Doctor keeps going on about how you’re alive. I think I’ve heard her call you Sexy before now but that’s probably a personal thing, I won’t go there. I don’t suppose you’d mind unlocking yourself, would you? I think your mate has got herself in a bit of trouble, might need rescuing.’

The cube remained still and Ryan shrugged. 

‘Worth a shot,’ he mumbled, going back to his notes.

‘Yaz, love,’ Graham remembered. ‘How certain _are_ you that you saw the Doc at A&E last night? _Could_ it have been her?’

Yaz tried to remember but her memory of the previous day was foggy. She barely remembered the incident, only the sharp pain as the knife had sliced through her shoulder. She remembered waking up on the trolley with her mum stood next to her, but her memory of the blonde doctor's face was starting to blur. The certainty with which she’d awoken had faded and now Yaz realised she’d probably just wanted it to be the Doctor so badly she would have latched onto any woman with blonde hair in that moment, drugged up as she was. 

‘I don’t know,’ Yaz said, shaking her head sadly. ‘The nurse said her name was Steph. She said she wasn’t feeling well and got sent home for the rest of her shift.’

‘Not feeling well?’ Graham said with a frown. ‘Did she say what happened?’

‘Apparently she fainted,’ Yaz recalled. ‘But that hardly means anything. It was hot and loud, she was probably a bit overwhelmed and overworked.’

‘Still, I might head on over to the hospital, just in case,’ Graham pondered. ‘It’s unlikely the universe will just hand her over to us like that but worth a look, don’t you reckon?’

‘I don’t get this fob watch thing,’ Ryan pondered, tapping his pen against the side of his head. ‘What do you reckon that’s about? “ _And if you find a fob watch - they won’t be that stupid”._ What’s a fob watch got to do with all this?’

Graham and Yaz could only shrug and Yaz winced as the pain from her shoulder made itself known. Even in the sling it was beginning to throb and Ryan dug around in her bag, pressing two painkillers into her hand. 

‘You’re not going to sit there and suffer,’ Ryan told her firmly. ‘Not on our watch. You’re no use to us or the Doctor if you’re in agony and you were obviously prescribed these for a reason.’

‘I’m no use to you if I’m drugged up to my eyeballs either,’ Yaz countered, but she took the pills anyway and spent the rest of the day dozing on the sofa, occasionally waking up to listen into Graham and Ryan’s conversation as the men continued to pour over their notes until well into the evening when her mum came to collect her. 

* * *

Without work to go to Steph found herself wandering around town, window shopping with a cup of strong coffee in her hand, killing time. Occasionally she’d catch people staring at her bruised face but she largely ignored them. Let them stare. She certainly wasn’t going to tell them what had happened. Work had signed her off for the remainder of her night shifts and she now had a couple of days to recover. ‘A chance to get your Christmas shopping done,’ that was what her boss had said. Steph had no family, ergo she had no-one to shop for. Sometimes she was grateful for that. It was easier to be independent and to have more time for yourself when you were alone. But other times, when she saw young children swinging on the arms of their parents or families all queuing up to see Santa she found she wanted to start crying instead. She didn't remember her parents, didn't even remember growing up in a family, and sometimes it took all she had to not buckle under the loneliness. Faceless one night stands only went so far. 

Speaking of, Daisy had gotten in touch with her. Apparently she’d received a similar butt tattoo bearing Steph’s digits and had fancied a round two. Steph couldn’t picture it going anywhere, it certainly wasn’t going to progress into a relationship, but at least she got to spend the night with a warm body wrapped around her and soft lips pressing against her skin. It was Christmas, after all. She’d signed up to work Christmas Day purely so she didn't have to make up an excuse about visiting family. At least it would give her something to do with herself. Her backup option had been a bottle of wine. Maybe she’d save that for the evening. 

‘Hello, beautiful,’ Daisy purred when Steph found her waiting at the bar of a pub. Her hair was cropped and black and she was wearing heavy eyeliner and lipstick. She was hardly Steph’s type, but when Steph remembered the sensations she’d coaxed from between her legs the night before she found she suddenly didn't care. 

‘Nice shiner, love,’ the bartender pointed out, pouring her a shot of something foul that burned on the way down. 

‘You should see the other guy,’ Steph mumbled, falling into Daisy’s arms as easily as she had the previous night. 

It didn't take long for them to end up back at Daisy’s flat, and as Steph lay on crumpled sheets staring up at the ceiling a few hours later, the sweat cooling on her naked body, she realised she wanted nothing more than to spend Christmas _with_ someone this year. 

She rolled onto her side, curled into a ball, and wept silently. 

* * *

‘Can’t tell you that, against confidentiality,’ Graham was informed by a grim faced nurse when he arrived at the A&E reception. 

‘Yeah, I get that,’ Graham agreed, trying to keep his tone as pleasant as possible. ‘My missus was a nurse. She worked here actually! Well, not _here,_ here. She never fancied A&E. She was in the chemotherapy unit.’

‘Oh,’ the nurse’s face softened. ‘I thought I recognised you. You’re Grace’s husband, right? Graham?’

‘Yeah, that’s me,’ Graham said. 

‘I used to work with Grace, wonderful woman she was,’ the nurse said, shaking her head softly. ‘I was so sorry to hear about the accident. How have you been doing?’

‘Yeah, alright,’ Graham replied. ‘It was hard at first, but I’ve got some good friends around me. They’ve been keeping an eye on me.’ 

The nurse nodded thoughtfully, then looked down at the picture of the Doctor which Graham had in his hand. It was an old photo, taken during one of their New Year’s Eve adventures. Graham hoped it wasn’t obvious it had been taken in the past. Her Italian mate stood next to her in the picture but Graham had passed off his unusual outfit as a costume for a fancy dress party. 

The nurse sighed. 

‘Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but you said she’s family, right?’

‘Yeah, friend of Grace’s too,’ Graham quickly said. ‘Steph’s been missing for a while. That’s her own business, you know, if she doesn’t want to be found, but I would like to know she’s alright and a mate of mine said she thought she saw her here yesterday.’

‘Alright, fine,’ the nurse said, looking around and leaning across the desk. Graham leaned in too. He’d taken a gamble calling her Steph, especially since Yaz had been concussed when she’d heard the name the night before, but fortunately it was a gamble that had paid off. 

‘You know her?’ Graham asked, and the nurse nodded. 

‘Yeah, she was working here last night. Got sent home, poor dear, wasn’t feeling well. She’s alright though. I mean, she seems okay in herself. Doesn’t look like she’s in any trouble. Bit quiet though. Do you want me to tell her you were looking for her?’

‘No, best not,’ Graham said. ‘Just knowing she’s okay, that’s all that counts. I’ll let her reach out to me when she’s ready. Hopefully that’ll be soon, it is Christmas after all. Thank you. Really. Means a lot. I know Grace would have appreciated it too.’

‘That woman,’ the nurse chuckled. ‘The amount of trouble I used to get into with her. We always used to go out for a drink after our shifts - this was a while ago mind - to the pub round the corner. It’s turned into a bit of a staff pub, truth be told. Everyone seems to end up there.’

She carried on talking, reminiscing about times gone by, but Graham hardly heard her. There was a staff pub round the corner that everyone seemed to end up in.

Everyone including Steph?

* * *

Steph didn't bother sneaking out the next morning, preferring to stay curled against Daisy as the early morning rays snuck in through the window. Part of her was a little embarrassed, worried about coming off as too needy, but with Daisy asleep she hoped the other woman wouldn’t notice. It was a while since she’d been held last and she didn't fancy the idea of going back to her empty flat. Not at this time of year.

 _You’re getting sentimental in your old age,_ she mused, eyeing up the battered Christmas tree Daisy had balanced precariously in the corner of her bedroom. 

‘Hmm, you’re still here,’ Daisy mumbled quietly, rolling over to pull Steph against her side. She smelt like stale cigarettes and beer but Steph pushed into her anyway, legs tangling together under the sheets. 

‘Do you mind?’ Steph whispered. 

‘No,’ Daisy replied, tracing slender fingers along her ribs and making her breath hitch as their bare breasts pushed together. ‘I was hoping you’d stay. I’m not done with you yet.’

She sat up and reached out into her bedside table, rummaging around in there as Steph propped herself up onto her elbow to watch. Daisy removed a tiny packet of little blue pills and popped one on her tongue, swallowing it with a sip of vodka from a half drunk bottle by her bed before holding it out to Steph. 

‘Want one?’ she asked with a waggle of her eyebrows. ‘They heighten your senses.’

‘I know what they do,’ Steph whispered, voice dry. She’d seen plenty of ecstasy overdoses in A&E, teenagers who’d thought they were safe vomiting and collapsing in the streets moments later. 

‘Then you know how good they make you feel,’ Daisy replied, placing another tablet on her tongue and leaning over Steph to kiss her; letting the tiny pill slip into Steph’s mouth with a tilt of her tongue.

Steph considered spitting it out, but as soft lips pressed against hers and gentle fingers dipped between her legs once more; sliding through already wet folds and slipping inside her with no resistance, she lifted up her hips with a moan and the pill slipped down her throat.

* * *

It was freezing and Yaz awkwardly tugged her coat over her injured arm, the sling stopping her from putting her arm through the sleeve properly. Children were everywhere, running around her and Ryan with non-stop energy, and their parents had long ago given up trying to control them, resigning themselves to chasing them around with sighs of annoyance. It was quite late in the day, the sky grey and the stars beginning to make their appearance, and Yaz’s shoulder was beginning to ache. She hadn’t taken her painkillers, having slept through the morning and subsequently wasted half the day in the process, but her shoulder was beginning to hurt and she wished she’d taken at least one.

‘I have no idea what we’re looking for, mind,’ Ryan said, looking around. ‘If that Christmas market thing even really was a clue. I don’t know what she was referring to.’

‘Neither do I,’ Yaz said. ‘I guess we just look around? See if we spot anything out of the ordinary?’

They began to walk through the maze of small wooden huts, the smell of hot chocolate, chips and other fairground foodstuffs assaulting their noses every few minutes. Yaz had to admit it was a very jolly atmosphere and she could hear the shouts of the children on the rides, tiny teacups spinning round and round faster and faster. It reminded Ryan a little of a fairground they’d visited with the Doctor, but thankfully with a lot less killer robots.

‘So,’ Ryan said, breaking the silence after a few moments. ‘You and the Doctor, eh?’

Yaz sighed, looking down at the ground. She’d known this was coming, though she’d hoped to avoid it for a little longer. She was honestly impressed with Ryan for keeping his restraint this long but knew it wouldn’t make this conversation any easier.

‘There is no me and the Doctor,’ Yaz replied. ‘She made that very clear.’

‘Tell me exactly what happened,’ Ryan said firmly. ‘Cause I reckon you’ve just blown this out of proportion. You kissed her, and then what?’

‘Then nothing,’ Yaz protested. ‘That’s my point. I kissed her, she kissed me back for like 3 seconds, then she pulled away and there was nothing. She didn't say anything, didn't _do_ anything, she just stared at me.’

‘She must have said something though?’ Ryan asked. ‘I can’t imagine the Doctor not saying anything after a moment like that, she loves to talk.’

‘She was silent,’ Yaz remembered. ‘She sort of looked at me for a bit, then she looked down, then Graham came looking for us and we went back in the TARDIS.’

‘And then…?’ Ryan prompted. ‘What did you do back in the TARDIS?’

‘Then she was bouncing around and chatting to you two,’ Yaz said. ‘She barely looked at me. Then she dropped us off here and - well, here we are.’

‘I still think you’re wrong though,’ Ryan said, looking frustrated. ‘I mean, okay, don’t hit me for this, _but -’_

He leaned towards her, eyes closed, face tilted, and Yaz realised he was about to kiss her.

‘Ew no! Get off!’ she laughed, batting him away.

‘See! That’s what I mean!’ Ryan said excitedly. ‘If you don’t want to kiss someone, _that’s_ how you behave. You don’t kiss them back for three seconds then do nothing!’

Yaz froze, realising he was right.

‘Then why didn't she say anything? Or do anything?’

‘You probably just surprised her!’ Ryan said cheerfully. ‘She was obviously into it, hence the kissing back, but you just surprised her and she wasn’t sure how to react.’ 

Yaz could feel hope blossoming in her face, despite the surprised and shocked expression she’d seen on the Doctor's face. Maybe she’d read it wrong, maybe the Doctor did have feelings for her, except…

‘Then why did she immediately drop us back off in Sheffield?’ Yaz asked. ‘If she wanted to talk to me about it, why did she then do a runner?’

‘That was my fault,’ Ryan admitted. ‘I realised I’d forgotten my phone and asked her to take me back to get it, then she landed us on an awkward day and Grandad remembered he was meant to be meeting up with old bus driver mates that afternoon and it was just easier for us to stay for a bit.’ 

‘She didn't stay and talk to me though,’ Yaz said with a frown, then she remembered.

Her mum, waving to her from their flat complex. She’d gone off to see her immediately and had -

And had left the Doctor.

‘Oh no,’ Yaz mumbled, throat catching. ‘It was my fault. She probably thought I didn't want to speak to her. No wonder she left.’

‘She didn't! The TARDIS was still there that evening,’ Ryan said. ‘She probably didn't leave Earth. The bad guys, whoever they are, must have grabbed her while she was still in Sheffield and the TARDIS probably went into defence mode around the same time. See? It’s not all bad news. Well I mean it is, but at least know you now the Doctor probably does -’

‘Ryan,’ Yaz whispered, grabbing his arm suddenly. ‘Listen.’

He did, forehead creased as he concentrated. He could hear the children playing, people talking, coffee machines coughing and spluttering, the hiss of a deep fat fryer, the roar of the fairground rides around them. Wind chimes jingled, keyrings jangled, yet above it all there was something else...

‘The noise,’ Ryan realised. ‘The noise from the Doctor's video! The one that sounded in the background. Where’s it coming from?’

Yaz was already off, weaving in and out of the shoppers, poised like a sniffer dog. Ryan could almost _see_ her ears straining as she tried to pick out the tune. He’d known it had sounded familiar, but he hadn’t even considered it may have been coming from inside Sheffield itself. It was jaunty, like a jingle on the telly, and Ryan was concentrating so hard he almost crashed into Yaz who’d stopped dead in the middle of the market.

‘There,’ she whispered. ‘That must be where the bad guys are.’

Ryan looked up. 

In front of them, playing that same irritating tune they’d heard play behind the Doctor in her video, was a merry-go-round packed with children. 

‘What do we do?’ Ryan asked, watching as a parent called out to her child; encouraging a wave so she could take a picture as the carousel spun round. 

‘We’ve gotta get inside it somehow,’ Yaz said. ‘Maybe it’s a perception filter? Or maybe they’re close by in one of the stalls?’

‘Shall we split up and take a look?’ Ryan suggested. ‘Cover more ground?’

‘Yeah, keep your phone on though,’ Yaz said. ‘Just in case.’

Ryan pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking it wasn’t on silent and frowning when he realised he had a missed call.

‘Hey, you alright mate?’ he asked when the phone connected. It was one of his work colleagues calling and he suspected he just wanted a shift swap, but his friend wasn’t one to call; preferring text messages over actually speaking to another human being.

 _‘Ryan, thank god you picked up,’_ his friend said. _‘That woman you were on about, your friend that went missing. She’s here, Ryan. She’s in Corp.’_

‘No, shut up!’ Ryan said, eyes wide. ‘Are you sure? Is she alright?’

_‘She’s in a bad way, mate. I think she’s on drugs. Maybe e or something, she’s freaking the fuck out.’_

‘Can you get her out?’

_‘I’m trying bro but she’s with some chick, I can’t get near her.’_

‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ Yaz said, gripping Ryan’s arm when he’d promised to be there in the next few minutes.

‘It’s the Doctor. I know where she is.’

Yaz’s heart sprang up into her mouth. It seemed impossible, that they’d find her so easily, but then she noticed Ryan’s expression.

‘What? What is it? Is she okay?’

‘No, Yaz,’ Ryan said, shaking his head. ‘I don’t think she is.’ 

* * *

They’d ended up in a club after spending the entire day in bed working each other up higher and higher and painting the air with their moans. The drug had made Steph’s head spin, psychedelic images flashing past her eyes, but it had made every touch from Daisy tingle against her skin and she’d lost count of how many times she’d come with the other woman’s head between her thighs, hands fisted in the sheets as pleasure had ripped through her.

She’d taken another pill and she could feel it start to kick in as she downed shot after shot, getting more and more handsy as her head spun and her body thrummed. The beat was loud, the club was heaving, and Daisy’s hands on her breasts were rough as she pushed her against a wall. She knew she was spiralling but couldn’t find it in herself to care. It was Christmas. She was alone. What the hell. 

‘You’re so beautiful,’ Daisy murmured in her ear, pressing her knee up between her legs and angling it just so until Steph sighed and bucked her hips against the touch. There were lights around her, colours swirling and distorting into the most beautiful shapes, and Steph clung to Daisy and kissed her hungrily, feeling the sparks on her tongue and the wet as their tongues slid against each other.

Something caught her attention, a flash in the corner of her eye, and she pulled away quickly; ignoring Daisy’s moan of protest as she tried to look, tried to see.

‘It’s just the e,’ Daisy whispered as she took Steph’s hand and placed it between her legs, under the flimsy material of her skirt so Steph could feel her wet and hot under her fingers. ‘Breathe through it.’

But she couldn’t. There were ravens above her, swooping and cawing and Steph yelped and ducked down, hands over her head as they flew over her. Daisy laughed, face contorted and twisting until she became someone else entirely. A pinched face, red lips, a mane of dark hair. She was wearing an outfit that wouldn’t look amiss on Mary Poppins and she pushed Steph away with a sneer when she reached for her blindly.

‘My dear Doctor,’ the woman said with a lilting Scottish accent. ‘This is a new low. You’re _way_ out of control. You need to snap out of it.’

‘No, come back,’ Steph protested when the woman disappeared, leaving Daisy behind who pushed her against the wall to kiss her hard, hands pawing at her chest, lips sucking at her neck. Her head was pounding, eyes twisting everything around her into the most grotesque shapes. Giant metal robots moved towards her, tentacle monsters dripped down from the wall, spinning Christmas trees with pines as sharp as knives closed in on her, angels with golden faces brandishing their halos looming above. 

Steph pressed her hands over her eyes and screamed, sliding down the wall and burying her head in her knees. It was too much. Her head was burning, her eyes were flashing, the ground was jelly beneath her feet. She was sinking too fast, she couldn’t hold on, she was going to _drown._

‘Steph. You’re alright. Breathe, come on. That’s it.’

Steph looked up into the eyes of Yasmin Khan. 

‘Y-Yaz?’

‘I’m here, you’re safe,’ Yaz whispered soothingly to her, a hand on her arm anchoring her down, keeping her grounded. ‘You’re alright.’

‘Focus on your breathing,’ another voice said, and Steph blinked as someone else knelt down beside her. Warm eyes, soft smile. 

‘Ryan?’

‘We’ve got you, mate,’ Ryan said gently. ‘Come here.’

He pulled her into a hug and Steph clung to him, feeling Yaz’s arm on her back rubbing circles soothingly. She could hear the pounding of Ryan’s heart and she focused on that, breathing through the random flashes of light. She was certain she didn't know Ryan, she barely knew Yaz, but they were both warm and gentle and she felt safe with them. She must have heard Ryan’s name somewhere, maybe earlier in the club, maybe they’d been talking outside? Must’ve been.

‘Come on, let’s get you out of here,’ Ryan said, lifting Steph gently to her feet. ‘You need a coffee and some fresh air.’

‘And you, stay back,’ Yaz said firmly to Daisy, pulling her police ID out of her pocket. ‘Unless you want to take a trip to the station to tell my colleagues where you got class A drugs from.’

Daisy, along with a large number of students, turned and fled, and Yaz and Ryan carefully helped Steph out of the club and into the Sheffield night air.


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost midnight but Ryan knew a cafe that was open 24 hours and he took Yaz and Steph there, supporting Steph who was practically nodding off on him the entire way. He wanted to be happy, to be overjoyed their friend was in reach, but she was hardly safe or in one piece and Yaz looked like she was about to burst into tears. He prayed she hadn’t been like this for two months. God knows what she was doing to her brain. 

The cafe was full of post-shift construction workers but the owner knew Ryan and, with a knowing look at Steph who was only just starting to notice her surroundings, he led them to a quiet table in the corner which was out of earshot of everyone else. Steph shivered under Ryan’s jacket and blinked in confusion at him and Yaz, eyeliner smudged and lipstick smeared. 

‘Where - where am I?’

‘You’re safe, we’re just round the corner from the club,’ Yaz told her, pushing a glass of water towards her. ‘You’re coming down off a bad trip. Drink that, it’ll make you feel better.’

The water sloshed down her chin but on her second attempt Steph seemed to get the hang of it and she drained the glass, hands shaking as the drug wore off. 

‘God I was so stupid,’ she mumbled, pressing her hands against her eyes and rubbing her mascara everywhere. 

‘Yeah, you were a bit,’ Ryan admitted. ‘But you’re alright now, right? That’s what matters. Just don’t do it again.’

She screwed her eyes up at them, face scronching in confusion. 

‘Who - who are you?’

Ryan and Yaz realised that, while she may have recognised them in the club when she’d been under the effects of e, she clearly had no idea who either of them were now.

‘I’m Ryan,’ Ryan said. ‘This is my mate Yaz.’

Steph tilted her head at Yaz. 

‘Don’t I know you? Weren’t you in A&E the other night?’ Her eyes drifted to Yaz’s shoulder, arm still up in a sling across her chest, and her eyes widened in recognition. ‘You were the police officer that was stabbed.’

‘Yeah, that was me,’ Yaz replied, rolling her shoulder a little to ease the strain. It was starting to throb but she didn't want to get her painkillers out in front of Steph. Who knew what she’d become addicted to in the 2 months she’d been missing?

‘It’s alright,’ Steph said, as though reading her mind. ‘I’m not a druggie. Not usually, anyway.’

‘What happened?’ Ryan asked. ‘I mean, why’d you do it? And what happened to your eye?’ He looked worried, hands twisting in the fabric of his shirt. ‘Did someone do that to you?’

Steph laughed. It wasn’t quite a  _ Doctor  _ laugh, but it was breezy all the same and Yaz felt her chest warm a little at the sound. She seemed a little more with it, but when she rubbed at her eyes again and yawned Yaz found herself wondering when she’d slept last. She looked like she’d been on a week-long bender. 

‘No. I did this to myself. Fainted at work, faceplanted the ground. And honestly? I don’t know.’ She shook her head sadly, fingers creating patterns in the spilt drops of water on the table. ‘Work has been hard recently, lots of horrible stuff coming through the doors, moment of weakness I guess? A spectacularly stupid one that could have gotten me fired.’

She looked up at Yaz and Ryan, forehead wrinkled, and they knew what she was thinking.

‘We won’t tell anyone,’ Yaz said softly. ‘It’ll be our secret, providing you don’t do it again.’

Steph’s face relaxed, eyes soft with gratitude. 

‘Thanks. Really. I won’t, I swear. Once was enough.’ She scronched her face guiltily. ‘ _ Twice  _ was enough. It made me see all sorts of weird stuff.’

‘Like what?’ Ryan asked, curious. 

‘Metal pots and wooden creatures and silver men,’ Steph said, shuddering. ‘Proper terrifying.’

_ Daleks, Morax, and Cybermen,  _ Ryan said to Yaz with his eyes. 

‘When are you back at work?’ Yaz asked. 

‘Day after next,’ Steph replied, taking a big gulp of the large mug of tea the waiter had just brought over to them

‘But that’s the day before Christmas Eve,’ Ryan said. ‘You’re working over Christmas?’

‘Nothing better to do,’ Steph said, shrugging. ‘No family. Plus Christmas isn’t so bad. I’ve got a santa hat somewhere, I’ll see if I can dig it out.’ 

_ No family. _

Yaz had tears in her eyes and Steph looked worried, eyes wrinkling through the haze of fuzz in her brain.

‘Have your painkillers if you’re in pain,’ she insisted. ‘I swear I’m not gonna leap across the table and grab them off you.’

Yaz was grateful for the excuse, though truth be told it wasn’t physical pain she was feeling. Her heart was in tatters and a quick look at Ryan’s face told her he wasn’t doing much better. The Doctor had always referred to them as her  _ fam.  _ Yaz just hadn’t realised how literally she’d meant that; though she’d told them initially she had no family, all those months ago in Sheffield. 

She popped a painkiller onto her tongue and swallowed it with water. Steph was watching her, face scronched, but she wasn’t looking at the bottle of pills in Yaz’s hand; it was more like she was trying to gauge how much pain Yaz was in. Ryan did his best to distract her, asking inane questions, but it didn't work and a few moments later Steph had slid into the seat next to her. 

‘Do you want me to have a look? At your shoulder, I mean?’ she asked gently. ‘I am a doctor, believe it or not.’ 

Steph’s eyes were bloodshot, her hair was a mess, and there was lipstick on her teeth but her face was kind and she was gentle as she carefully moved the collar of Yaz’s shirt out of the way, forehead scronched in concentration as warm fingers ghosted over her skin.

Yaz found she couldn’t breathe, breath catching in her throat. She could see hickeys on Steph’s neck, red and purple and black, and it sent a sudden rush of jealousy across her chest. Of all the people who the Doctor could’ve allowed to get close to her, it had to be that drug dealing idiot that had gotten her into this mess. 

_ It should have been me. _

‘It looks inflamed,’ Steph said thoughtfully. ‘Not infected though. Not yet, anyway. Have you been taking your painkillers regularly?’

‘No,’ Ryan said, landing her in it with a pointed glance.

Yaz glared at him. 

‘Yaz!’ Steph said, looking shocked. ‘You got stabbed!’

‘They make my head feel funny,’ Yaz muttered as Steph replaced her shirt collar and went back to her seat. Yaz already missed the warmth of her body by her side, though she was in desperate need of a shower or two, and she looked grumpily down at the table. 

‘We can get you different ones,’ Steph insisted. ‘You need to take something. No wonder it’s so swollen!’

‘When did this become about me?’ Yaz said crossly, glaring at Ryan and Steph who both grinned at her. ‘You’re the one who -’

She trailed off and looked down at her hands folded her in her lap but then the sound of Steph laughing drew her back up again.

‘Yeah. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?’ Steph smiled. ‘Anyway, I should get back home. I’ve taken up enough of your time. Thank you though, really. I was in serious trouble back there.’

‘Let us walk you home,’ Yaz blurted out before she could stop herself, and she didn't miss the way Ryan’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. ‘You know, just in case.’

‘Just in case I go back to the club?’ Steph said with a frown. ‘There’s no way the bouncer would let me in even if I wanted to.’

‘It’s Christmas,’ Ryan pointed out. ‘And it’s late, and you’re alone. Please. Let us walk you home.’

Steph paused, expression unreadable, but then she nodded and smiled. 

* * *

‘Is she in a nice area at least?’ Graham said, running his hands across his face. It was the same night but much later and Yaz and Ryan had caught a taxi back to the Graham’s house after dropping Steph off. He’d been waiting up for them, worried out of his mind, and telling him what was happening to their friend wasn’t putting him at ease. 

‘Yeah, it’s quiet,’ Ryan said. ‘A few student flats but it’s a nice road. Her flat looks alright, from the outside I mean.’

‘So what do we do?’ Graham said, exasperated, his arms up in the air and tears in his eyes. ‘Cause our best mate is on one hell of a self-destructive bender and I’m assuming if she dies as a human she  _ stays  _ dead.’

‘I don’t know,’ Yaz said miserably. ‘I have no ideas.’

‘Who knew she’d be such a disaster as a human,’ Ryan said, sitting down on the sofa and pressing his hands against his eyes. ‘Although I can’t say I’m surprised. Imagine having the whole of time and space as your playground then suddenly getting stuck on Earth with the rest of us. She must be going mental. At least we’ve got family and friends, she’s all alone.’

‘No, she isn’t,’ Yaz said firmly. ‘Cause she may not remember us but we still remember her. That’s what we have to do. We need to be her friends, we need to give her her family back. She’s destructive cause she’s alone. She shouldn’t be alone, especially not at this time of year.’

‘You’re right, you’re absolutely right,’ Graham said nodding. ‘Alright, plan of attack. How do you want to do this?’

‘I gave her my number,’ Yaz said. ‘She didn't have anyone to stay with her so I asked her to text me in the morning, just to make sure she’s alright. I might see if she wants to hang out, maybe grab a coffee or something and find out what’s been going on.’

‘We should invite her out,’ Ryan suggested. ‘She looks ever so thin. Proper pub lunch for Christmas. I bet I can find somewhere that’ll have a reservation.’ 

‘She’s gonna think we’re so weird,’ Yaz realised. 

‘We are,’ Ryan grinned. ‘But so’s she.’

‘And what about the carousel thing?’ Graham remembered. ‘What are we gonna do about that?’

‘We need to get back there and have another look around,’ Yaz said, rubbing her eyes. She’d been tired anyway but now the painkiller had kicked in she felt exhausted and Graham’s sofa was looking more and more appealing. The Doctor had called it very comfy, though she’d sleep literally anywhere. Yaz had once caught her napping on the TARDIS stairs with a book in her hand. She wondered if she even had a bedroom in her own ship. 

‘We’ll go tomorrow,’ Ryan said. ‘Text Steph in the morning and let me know what time you want to meet up. Now come on, let me give you a lift home.’ 

* * *

The early morning light woke Steph up the next morning and she realised she hadn’t closed her curtains before going to bed. She pressed her head into the pillow, moaning as a throbbing hangover made itself known behind her eyes. Her mouth was dry and her breath was foul, an experimental sniff of her armpits informing her she probably hadn’t had a shower for a while either. 

‘Oh fuck,’ she said suddenly, remembering the events of the previous night which had led her to this moment; hungover, stinking, and extremely embarrassed. Of all the people to have rescued her from the club, why did it have to be Yaz?? Even Ryan had been so heartachingly  _ kind.  _ She shuddered when she imagined what could have happened if they hadn’t saved her, how awful her night could have been. 

She blinked blearily and reached for her phone, surprised to find it was still relatively early. Part of her wanted to stay in bed but she’d done enough of that over the past few days and a scrawled note in sharpie on her hand reminded her she had to phone Yaz to tell her she was still alive. 

Well, Yaz had written ‘so I know you’re okay’ but Steph wasn’t an idiot, she knew what the implication was. 

She rattled off a quick text to Yaz, apologising for her behaviour last night and thanking her for intervening, then she turned her shower on full blast and stepped under the spray; sighing as sweat, alcohol, dirt, and other bodily fluids were washed off her skin. As she soaped up her loofah and ran it across her skin she realised how thin she’d gotten. Her stomach was flatter than normal and the hot water was beginning to make her head feel a little dizzy. She tried to remember the last time she’d eaten a proper meal but couldn’t. Her sneaky night shifts biscuits seemed a long time ago. 

She got out of the shower, wrapped herself in a fluffy towel, and sat on the edge of the bath; watching the water drip down her legs and land on the tiled floor with a splash. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, wincing when she saw her face. The bruising around her eye had faded to an ugly yellow colour and there were dark circles under her eyes. She caught sight of the hickeys on her neck and pulled a face, crossing her legs when heat rushed between them at the memory. Daisy had been a welcome distraction at the time, but not one she was in a hurry to repeat anytime soon; no matter how talented her tongue was. 

When she finally managed to towel herself dry and pad back into her bedroom she found Yaz had replied, a simple three word message that immediately made Steph’s heart pump quicker and her face flushed crimson. 

_ Fancy a coffee? X _

Steph sat on the edge of her bed, phone held in her hand as she considered. On the one hand, Yaz had seen her at her absolute worst and still wanted to hang out with her. She was gorgeous and Steph would be lying if she said she didn't have feelings for her, which she was finding more and more confusing considering she literally barely knew her. Except on the other hand, she was a doctor that had taken illegal drugs, gotten out of control, and nearly oded on the dance floor. And Yaz was a police officer. Maybe she’d show up only to be led away in handcuffs, but then Yaz knew where she lived and hadn’t shown any interest in arresting her last night?

But then there was Ryan as well. Steph definitely hadn’t met him in A&E, but she’d immediately trusted him. He’d been so kind to her, attention she’d been entirely undeserving of considering she was just a stranger to him, except what was it he’d said to her? Her memory of her trip was a little funny but she was sure he’d said something like  _ we’ve got you, mate. _

Steph shook it off. Must be a colloquialism. She didn't know him. 

Her stomach rumbled and Steph considered the meager contents of her kitchen cupboards. She hadn’t been shopping in a while so no doubt it would all be out of date, but she suddenly realised she was starving. 

She looked down at her phone, tapping at the screen with her thumbnail anxiously before typing out a response.

_ How about brunch? x _

The thirty seconds Yaz took to reply were the longest of Steph’s life, but soon there was a little message waiting for her that made her heart sing.

_ Sounds perfect :) x _

* * *

It was cold outside and the sky was grey with the promise of rain later on, but Steph wrapped her scarf around her neck and hurried towards town to meet Yaz; grateful she wasn’t about to spend another day on her own. She was running late after trying to apply makeup to hide the worst of the bruising, but she wasn’t sure if it had been massively effective. She’d tried to dry her hair straight but it had gone wavy instead and after shoving on jeans and an oversized jumper she’d decided that would have to do. She had butterflies in her belly and couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this nervous. She tried to remember when the last date she’d gone on had been, but even that seemed long ago. She knew this wasn’t a date - or at least she didn't think that had been Yaz’s implication - but it didn't half feel like one.

‘You look better.’

Yaz was smiling at her, leaning against the window of a cafe wrapped up in her coat with a woolly hat on her head. She looked beautiful and Steph felt her nerves melting away. It was just Yaz. She’d look after her. 

‘Thanks, amazing what a bit of slap and a shower will do,’ Steph smiled, following Yaz inside. 

The cafe was busy and Christmas music was playing but Steph found she suddenly didn't mind the festive season. There was a Christmas tree decorated in baubles with small lights flickering and tinsel hung in the window, fake presents in the window display. It was busy and full of young families but Yaz led them to a table by the corner and Steph dropped into her seat with a sigh, contented with the atmosphere and the company. 

‘I’m really grateful for last night,’ Steph blurted out, deciding it would be best to address the elephant in the room sooner rather than later. ‘I swear. I never get like that. Well, not often. But the - you know - medicinal side of it was new.’

‘And not to be repeated, hopefully,’ Yaz replied with a glint in her eyes. ‘Otherwise I’m gonna have to arrest you.’

‘Why didn't you?’ Steph asked curiously. ‘I mean obviously I’m glad you didn't, you saved my career, but why didn't you?’

‘Cause I recognise a one-time mistake when I see one,’ Yaz said softly. ‘You didn't strike me as a hard core addict and it hardly seems fair to ruin the rest of your life because you tripped up  _ once.’ _

‘That’s - a really kind thing to say,’ Steph said with a small smile. ‘I really appreciate it.’ 

‘We’re all human,’ Yaz said. ‘We all make mistakes.’

‘We’re all human,’ Steph repeated in a quiet mumble, looking down at the menu.

Yaz gave her a curious look, but Steph didn't notice. Despite the high collar of her woolly jumper, Yaz could still see the hickeys fading against her skin. She didn't feel the stab of jealousy she had the night before, but she did feel angry that someone had taken advantage of Steph in that way; although a tiny part of her wondered if Steph had initiated it, or at least enjoyed it. The Doctor seemed totally closed off and impartial to any kind of physical affection, though Yaz had enjoyed the odd hug now and again, so to picture her tossling under the sheets with some stranger was difficult to imagine.

Yaz just wished it’d been her.

‘Massive cup of coffee, the biggest you have,’ Steph was saying, and Yaz realised the server had come over to take their order. 

‘What?’ Steph said, shrugging when Yaz laughed. ‘I’ve gotta have at least one relatively healthy vice, right?’

‘If it’ll keep you off the stronger stuff I’m all for it,’ Yaz replied. 

‘So tell me about you,’ Steph said cheerfully once the server had taken their orders. ‘I feel like you know all about me, probably more than you wanted to know. How long have you been in the police for?’

‘Not long,’ Yaz said. ‘About a year or two? I’m still training really. They’ve only just started giving me other cases to work on besides parking disputes.’ She glared at her shoulder. ‘That worked out great.’

‘Did they catch the guy that did that to you?’ Steph asked, eyes narrowed, and she relaxed when Yaz nodded. 

‘Yeah. He was stupid enough to go back to his flat. They picked him up there. How long have you been a doctor for?’

‘Oh. A while,’ Steph replied, sounding a bit vague. ‘I did my training in Sheffield then it just made sense to get a job here as well. I’m only on rotation in A&E. I’ll get moved somewhere else next year.’ 

‘Are you enjoying it?’ Yaz asked cautiously, and she didn't miss the way Steph flinched a little. 

‘Yeah. I mean, some days are better than others. You see some stuff, some horrible stuff - like you I’d imagine - and it can be quite difficult to sort of put it behind you, you know?’

‘Is that why -?’ Yaz’s voice was quiet, her tone gentle, but Steph understood the implication behind the question.

‘Yeah, maybe,’ she replied quietly. ‘Sometimes it’s just easier to drink to forget your problems than it is to actually find someone to talk to about it, you know? And trying to get a counselling appointment is practically impossible.’

‘You can talk to me,’ Yaz said, reaching across the table to take her hand. ‘If you ever have a bad day, if you ever feel yourself spiralling out of control, I want you to talk to me.’

Steph smiled softly but her eyes looked sad. 

‘I appreciate the offer but you don’t want me and all my baggage, Yaz,’ she said gently. ‘You don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for.’

‘How about you let me be the judge of that,’ Yaz said, pulling away as the waitress brought their food over. 

‘I’m just saying, when I call you up crying at 3am you’re not allowed to be mad I woke you up,’ Steph said jokingly, and Yaz shook her head. 

‘I’d rather that than the alternative,’ she whispered, remembering the way Steph had clung to her and Ryan the night before as her mind had projected the most terrifying visions around her. She hadn’t realised Steph would still retain some of the Doctor's experiences, though her holographic message had alluded to that somewhat, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine how terrified Steph must have been.

Steph tilted her head at her, expression scronched in confusion.

‘Why are you being so kind to me?’ she asked, genuinely curious. ‘You don’t even know me.’

‘Well then,’ Yaz said, smiling at her as she sprinkled pepper over her scrambled eggs. ‘How about we change that?’ 

* * *

‘Good day, then?’ Ryan asked Yaz later that evening, and she blushed.

She’d spent the whole day with Steph and had even convinced her to go to the cinema to see a rubbish Christmas movie with her after they’d left the cafe. Steph hadn’t seemed overly keen to go back home on her own and likewise Yaz hadn’t really wanted to leave her by herself after the events of the previous night. But she did feel more secure in the knowledge that Steph wasn’t going to do anything stupid, even securing a pinky promise from her that she’d phone if she started feeling destructive in the future.

And if their hands had occasionally brushed whilst they’d sat next to each other in the cinema then that was hardly a negative. 

‘I’m taking that as a yes,’ Ryan said cheekily, watching the heat rise to Yaz’s face. ‘She alright?’

‘Yeah, much better,’ Yaz said, tugging her glove on; her other hand being kept nice and warm in the sling. ‘She seemed okay when I left, more cheerful anyway. She’s back at work tomorrow, hopefully that’ll keep her distracted.’ 

They were at the Christmas market which was just as busy as it had been the previous day, despite the fact it was late evening and freezing cold. There were no children about at this time at night but there were a lot of couples holding hands as they wandered around the stalls, smiling at each other and shining under the brightly coloured lights. 

Yaz had an image of another life. Of her and the Doctor holding hands through the streets; the Doctor wrapped up warm with her scarf around her neck and the universe in her eyes. 

She shook her head. That was an impossibility. Even if the Doctor really did have feelings for her, it was too little too late now.

She felt tears sting her eyes and she turned her head, wiping them away quickly before Ryan noticed.

He noticed though. Of course he did. He was no fool.

‘Hey. Yaz, what’s wrong?’ he asked kindly, a hand on her arm. 

‘We’re not going to see her again, are we?’ Yaz whispered. ‘The Doctor, I mean. Even if we save the Earth from aliens it isn’t going to bring her back, is it?’

Ryan was silent and Yaz could tell he hadn’t considered the possibility of that. 

‘No,’ he admitted after a while. ‘I guess not. We can still be her friends though. We can still be her family, like you said. We’ll look after her.’

‘I had a thought today,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘And I’m not sure what to do about it.’

‘What was the thought?’ Ryan asked.

Yaz swallowed hard. 

‘If - and it is a big  _ if  _ \- I were to ask Steph on a date, would that be wrong? I mean, I’m not saying we’re anywhere near that yet and I know she’s not the Doctor, but I think I might be developing feelings for her. And I think she might have feelings for me too. Unless I’m reading the signs wrong, which I probably am.’

Ryan considered.

‘Let me think on that,’ he said, unable to come up with an immediate answer, and Yaz nodded and wrapped her scarf a little tighter around her neck. 

‘Hey! How’d it go today? How’s our mate?’

Graham headed over to them, takeaway coffee mug in his hand. 

Ryan looked over the stalls as Yaz went over her day with Steph, recounting it all for Graham. He was trying to focus, trying to spot anything out of the ordinary before they headed over to the merry-go-round, but Yaz’s question had thrown him. It wasn’t surprising a human Doctor would fall for Yaz if the alien version had too, whatever Yaz thought to the contrary, but would it be wrong for them to date on Earth? What if the Doctor came back? What would her reaction be?

Except, what if the Doctor  _ didn't  _ come back. If Steph really did have feelings for Yaz, and judging by the heart eyes she’d been giving her the night before Ryan wouldn’t be surprised if she did, it would be cruel for Yaz to continue to push her away. 

It was an ethical dilemma and no mistake. He also had to admit to himself that he’d been under the impression the Doctor would return once they’d thwarted this newest alien threat, except she’d been rather clear about that in her message. There didn't seem to be much hope for that and it felt as though he was losing her all over again. He swallowed past a lump in his throat, pretending he was looking intently at a caricature of Boris Johnson an artist was currently drawing; huddled under blankets in her stall. 

‘Well I’m glad she was more chipper,’ Graham said, and Ryan tuned back into their conversation. ‘Right, where was this merry-go-round you two were on about? Shall we go have a poke around?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - it's snoop time.


	5. Chapter 5

Predictably, even though any children had long since been tucked into bed, the carousel was jam packed full of students and couples and Graham, Ryan, and Yaz had to queue up just to get onto it while the tune that had played in the Doctor's video - a very off tune rendition of some circus music played on a synth organ - was so loud it almost made speaking to one another impossible.

‘I haven’t spotted anything weird yet,’ Graham told the other two. ‘Do we reckon it’s on the carousel or in the vicinity?’

‘It sounded loud in the video,’ Ryan said. ‘I reckon there’s a secret door somewhere.’

‘You play too many video games,’ Yaz said, pulling her phone out of her pocket as it pinged. It was awkward manipulating the device with only one hand and it slipped from her hard and clattered onto the floor; thankfully landing face up and saving her the cost of a cracked screen. 

As Ryan bent down to pick it up he saw the message. 

_ Thanks for a lovely day. Wanna do it again some time? X _

‘Steph?’ he asked, handing it back to Yaz who put the phone back in her pocket as the ride operator opened the gate for them to step up onto the platform.

‘I know,’ Yaz mumbled quietly. ‘Believe me.’

The carousel reminded her of the ones she’d gone on as children, painted horses with black eyes that bobbed up and down as the ride went round and round. She decided sitting in a little tea cup was probable safer, unsure the slippery metal of the horse’s saddle would be stable enough if she only had one hand to grip onto the pole with. Ryan was immediately up on one of the horses, throwing himself into the saddle like an extremely excited man on a mission, but Graham joined her in the teacup, sitting opposite her with a concerned expression. 

‘Everything alright, cockle?’ he asked gently, ever the grandad, and Yaz plastered a smile on her face. 

‘Yeah. Course. Always is.’ 

‘Steph sounded like she was doing better today.’ Graham continued, clearly not willing to let this drop. 

‘Yeah, she was. She was really good.’

Yaz wanted nothing more than to abandon this awkward line of questioning but Graham was like a dog with a bone. She wished Ryan hadn’t told him what had happened between her and the Doctor but wasn’t surprised he had. They were a team after all, the Doctor's fam, and Ryan or indeed the Doctor herself would likely have blurted it out at some point. They were both incapable of keeping quiet about anything for very long. 

‘Yaz, look,’ Graham said softly. ‘I overheard what you asked Ryan earlier, about dating Steph.’

‘We don’t have to do this,’ Yaz responded quickly, half pleading as her cheeks coloured pink. She’d had no idea Graham had been in earshot and likely would have kept quiet if she’d known, though Graham was probably the better person to have asked. His opinion was always honest, if possibly not what she wanted to hear. 

‘I just wanna say, I’m for it,’ Graham said, taking her completely by surprise.

‘You - you are?’

‘Of course,’ Graham shrugged nonchalantly though his eyes looked sad. ‘The Doc made it very clear in her video there was no changing her back. I don’t know if Steph is gonna want to be mine or Ryan’s friend but she’s clearly taken a shine to you. Maybe that’s the Doc in her or maybe it’s just her, but if you’re worried about the ethics of dating a woman who’s now a human who used to be an alien who you used to have a crush on then I say go for it. What have you got to lose?’

Yaz blinked at him, trying to digest the length of that sentence. 

‘You don’t think it’s - I dunno, wrong?’ She looked down at the table, noting where it needed re-varnishing. ‘I just feel like maybe I’d be going against the Doctor's wishes by dating the version of her that  _ does  _ have feelings for me, when the real version of her...’ she trailed off, sighing, and Graham reached across the little table to pat her hand reassuringly. 

‘Yeah, I understand that,’ Graham said gently. ‘And ultimately it is up to you. But if you care about Steph and she cares about you then why not go for it? You obviously make each other happy and at least you’ll be able to keep her on the straight and narrow. It’s better than pushing her away and her spiralling again when you both want each other, when you could both make each other happy.’

‘How did you get to be so wise,’ Yaz said grumpily, though her heart was thumping.

‘Years of experience and overheard conversations on buses,’ Graham told her, leaning back triumphant against the side of the teacup. ‘The amount of problems that would get solved if people were just honest about their feelings.’

‘That sounds like something the Doctor would say,’ Yaz teased him, and he sighed dramatically. 

‘Yeah. Does a bit.’

‘Guys, shush,’ Ryan said from his horse. ‘We’re moving. Keep your eyes peeled.’ 

It was cold in the teacup and Yaz wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck, trying to concentrate through the lights of the market stalls and the noise of that irritating circus theme. It was particularly hard to concentrate when she knew Steph was waiting for a response but she did her hardest to push her out of her mind and focus on the controller sat in the booth. He seemed normal enough for a fairground ride operator, meaning he looked bored out of his mind, and there didn't seem to be anything unusual about the horses or other ornaments on the carousel. 

Yaz looked up at the grand top of the carousel, cartoon animals and characters decadently decorated across it. All perfectly normal. She couldn’t spot any sneaky alien characters or other non-Earth like creatures anyway, though the images were so faded from years of use who knew what they were supposed to be?

Yaz looked at Ryan who was also looking around, eyeing up the stalls as they went past them. They must have been interesting to look at, the three of them sat on the carousel with faces like stone when everyone else was laughing and smiling and taking selfies; so serious in amongst all the happy shoppers filled with Christmas spirit.

A mental image of the Doctor on a carousel popped into Yaz’s head and she smiled. She’d have the time of her life on one of the horses, they’d probably have a hard time getting her off of it. 

Yaz wondered if Steph fancied coming here, then that sparked another thought. What if she  _ did  _ bring Steph here? Would it spark anything? Any flash of recognition maybe? Would bringing Steph here be the key to unlocking whatever plot it was these ‘not-that-super-evil-on-the-evilness-scale’ aliens were planning on? 

The carousel began to slow to a halt. The ride was over. 

‘Nothing, I didn't see anything,’ Graham said as they headed over to join the queue, deciding on one more go. ‘Everyone looked normal, the stalls all looked fine, there was no sign of any dodgy goings on.’

Yaz pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Graham to type for her, deciding it was easier than struggling with one hand and probably dropping it again. She explained her idea of bringing Steph to the carousel half-heartedly, not so certain it would work as she had been earlier, but the two men were enthusiastic and Graham carefully typed the message for her; holding the screen to her face for Yaz to approve before he hit send. 

_ I’d love that! Do you want to meet when you finish work tomorrow? Maybe wander around the Christmas market? Xx _

He added the extra ‘x’ on before Yaz had a chance to stop him and she rolled her eyes, deciding now probably wasn’t the best time to explain the intricacies of sneakily adding more and more ‘x’s onto the end of messages when flirting with someone. Of all the people to try and hook her and the Doctor up though, she had to admit she hadn’t expected it to be Graham. 

Her phone buzzed just before they stepped onto the ride for the second time and Graham read the message aloud, his voice warm as Yaz blushed furiously. 

_ That sounds perfect. I’ll be thinking of you all day xxx _

‘3 x’s,’ he said smugly, tucking the phone back into Yaz’s pocket. ‘Don’t think I don’t know about you teenagers and your tricks.’ 

Their second trip on the carousel was as fruitless as the first and, after exploring every inch of the market for the next two hours and finding nothing, they decided to call it a day. Yaz’s arm was aching and her eyes were blurry with tiredness, but her heart was warm and her mind was full of Steph.

Back in the flat, Yaz unlocked her phone so she could look at the image of the Doctor jumping up in delight; her hair flying, her eyes shining, her arms held out to the sky. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz whispered quietly to the picture. ‘I am, but I can’t say no to her. I just can’t.’

She plugged her phone in to charge, placed it face down on her bedside table, and rolled onto her back, mindful of her aching shoulder as she closed her eyes. 

* * *

_ ‘Yaz! Yazzy! Come see this!’ _

_ Yaz laughed at the Doctor's antics. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen the Doctor drunk and she seemed to get more and more hyper each time. Her tolerance for alcohol was practically non-existent but at least she was a fun drunk, if a rather chaotic one. Yaz needed to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't install a marshmallow cannon on the TARDIS console again. For weeks after, every time the Doctor traveled the ship back in time the fluffy treats would come shooting out to hit one of them in the face.  _

_ ‘Do you know where the other two are?’ the Doctor asked, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. ‘I wanna show them this painting. Remember the planet we went to last week? The one with the giraffes with two heads? This is one of their artworks!’ _

_ Yaz turned back towards the dancefloor but in amongst the throng of people she couldn’t find the two men. Ryan had been chatting up some blonde with purple skin and Graham had been keeping a group enthralled with tales of bus driving; but they were both out of her view now. _

_ ‘Never mind,’ the Doctor said, her hand slipping into Yaz’s. ‘I can show them later.’ _

_ The Doctor's hand was warm in Yaz’s and Yaz happily let herself be pulled away from the party, tripping drunkenly in her high heels. She’d never drank before but after learning about the existence of psychic alcohol she found she was rather enjoying the sensation. She felt happy and content usually, especially when travelling through time and space with her new friends, but now she was smiling so hard her face was beginning to ache and she was so enraptured with the back of the Doctor's head that she hardly noticed they’d stopped.  _

_ ‘Here we are!’ the Doctor said, beaming as she gestured drunkenly at a painting; almost hitting Yaz in the face in her enthusiasm. ‘One of the last pieces of Gringolian artwork.’ _

_ It looked like someone with hooves had stepped in paint then stamped over the page - which Yaz suspected is probably exactly what had happened - but it was brightly coloured and the Doctor was so excited by it that Yaz couldn’t help grinning at it as well. The colours were vibrant and the more Yaz looked the more she saw.  _

_ ‘Who painted it?’ she asked, realising her hand was still in the Doctor's and neither woman was making an effort to let go.  _

_ ‘Looks like Chief Gregor of the 9th Artiodactyl Tribe,’ the Doctor replied, scrutinising the shapes that made up the artist’s name underneath the painting. ‘What do you think? Gorgeous isn’t it. There’s so few of these artworks left! I can’t believe I’ve actually managed to see one.’ _

_ She grinned at Yaz, cheeks flushed from the heat and the alcohol and eyes sparkling. She looked so happy, so excited, that Yaz couldn’t help but feel the same way. She wasn’t sure how old the Doctor was, though she knew she was much older than the 30-something year old woman she appeared to be, but knowing that even a being as intelligent and ancient as she could still be surprised and excited by the little things gave her hope for the future. _

_ ‘You alright, Yaz?’ the Doctor asked, heat tilted, and Yaz realised she’d been staring at her lips.  _

_ It was difficult, being in love with an alien hundreds (if not thousands) of years older than you. Especially when she seemed to be completely oblivious.  _

_ ‘You feeling alright?’ _

_ The Doctor’s eyes were concerned through the haze of alcohol and she reached out a hand to place it on Yaz’s forehead. Her skin was cool as Yaz found herself leaning into it. She could feel her heart thudding hard in her chest and she took a small step forward; cheeks burning and stomach twisting into knots. _

_ The Doctor dropped her hand and ran it down Yaz’s arm, interlocking their fingers together as she gazed at her, expression unreadable. _

_ Yaz waited for Graham or Ryan to turn up and ruin it for them. She’d waited for this moment for so long, but every time they’d been alone together there’d been an explosion or an alarm or a scream and it had been broken. _

_ She wasn’t sure if this is what the Doctor wanted as well, but judging from the way she was looking at her Yaz doubted she was going to refuse. Her eyes were black, lips parted, cheeks flushed.  _

_ Yaz leaned forward, so did the Doctor, and - _

* * *

The insistent ringing of her alarm woke Yaz up and she flung her arm out as she startled awake, knocking it off the table and onto the floor. She rubbed her eyes, the painful remnants of the dream still throbbing behind her eyelids, and she winced in pain as she sat up to retrieve her phone, her arm aching and stomach twisting in knots; the image of the Doctor's face clear as starlight in her mind. She wondered where the rest of that dream was going to go, if it was going to play out exactly as it had or if her mind was planning on taking her down another, more exciting route. 

Her mum poked her head round the door, having heard the commotion. 

‘Everything alright?’ she asked gently. ‘That sounded like a particularly violent way to wake up.’

‘Everything’s fine,’ Yaz lied, putting her phone down and standing up; crossing her room to get to her bag so she could find her painkillers. 

‘Did you have fun last night?’ Najia asked, helping her daughter to retrieve two small tablets from the pill bottle. Childproof caps were a nightmare at the best of times, but they were almost impossible when you only had one working hand. 

‘Yeah, it was lovely,’ Yaz mumbled, dry swallowing the medication and feeling like a proper drug addict. 

‘I can tell by the complete lack of enthusiasm in your voice,’ Najia said, eyebrow raised. ‘Was it Ryan and Graham you went out with? How about the Doctor? Or is she still off on her travels?’

This last question was said with a pointed look and Yaz avoided looking at her. 

‘I’ve not seen her recently,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘I’m not sure where she is.’

‘I’m sorry, love,’ Najia said softly, rubbing Yaz’s back and pulling her in for a careful hug. ‘I know you were very close. Did you have a fight? Is that what this is about?’

‘No,’ Yaz whispered. ‘Well, maybe, but no. It wasn’t a fight it was more a disagreement.’

‘She doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to walk out purely because someone disagrees with her,’ Najia responded, remembering the spider incident. ‘What did you say?’

‘Nothing,’ Yaz said, shocked to find tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. ‘That’s the problem, I said nothing. And neither did she.’

‘Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her whenever she’s next in town,’ Najia said firmly. ‘I’m still not totally sold on her, but she made you happy and that’s good enough for me. Now come on, I thought we could do some last minute Christmas shopping in town this morning. What do you reckon?’

‘Yeah, sounds nice,’ Yaz smiled. It had been a while since she’d last spent time with her mum, just the two of them, and she still had a couple of people to buy presents for. ‘Let me just let Ryan know, he worries.’

‘Not too much I hope,’ Sonya called from the hallway. ‘I saw him first. Or second. Whatever, I called dibs.’

Yaz was too stunned to respond. Not by her sister treating Ryan as the last slice of pizza in the box, but by the message that had just come through to her phone. It was from Steph and Yaz felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest. 

_ You got I was asking you on a date, right? _

Shit.

* * *

Steph woke up the next day with a pounding headache. 

She lay in the dark for a moment, looking up at the ceiling. She’d set her alarm extra early so she had some time to get a coffee and breakfast on her way into work, painfully aware of her empty cupboards, but her throat felt sore and she realised grumpily that she was probably coming down with something. It had been going around the department and the club hadn’t exactly been spotless. 

She sat up slowly, muffling a yawn into the palm of her hand. She’d had weird dreams again, not that that was uncommon, but this one had been a bit different from the usual. 

Yaz had been in it. 

They’d been in an art gallery, or maybe at a party, it was hard to say. But she’d wanted to show Yaz some artwork and Yaz had kissed her and then…?

She wasn’t sure, dreams faded so fast, but she was reminded of her date with Yaz that evening and she smiled.

Then she frowned.

She picked up her phone and unlocked it, flicking through her messages. 

Had she been obvious? She didn't think she had. Yaz had left two x’s after all, but that could have been a slip of her thumb; it may not have been on purpose. She’d been asking Yaz out on a date, though she admitted to herself it was perhaps a bit presumptuous after she’d only met two days before when she’d been rescued from ODing in a club, but she wasn’t sure her date intentions were clear in the message. She fully intended on at least trying to snog Yaz at the first available opportunity, and that may come as a bit of a shock if Yaz hadn’t spotted her hidden meaning. 

Steph sat on the edge of her bed, phone in her hand, and considered. She should be outright, she should be honest with her intentions.  _ I’ll be thinking about you all day  _ had sounded pretty obvious to her ears but perhaps Yaz just didn't swing that way.

She tugged at her bottom lip, peering down at her phone as she typed, deleted, then retyped out the same message over and over again.

_ You got I was asking you on a date, right? _

The worse Yaz could do was say she hadn’t realised. Except then maybe she’d want to call the whole thing off and wouldn’t want to see her at all, and honestly Steph couldn’t think of anything worse. The thought of seeing Yaz was the only thing that was going to get her through a busy shift this close to Christmas, especially when she still felt exhausted from the drugs and alcohol. Steph grabbed a pillow and pressed it against her belly, curling herself around it as she looked out the window at the grey, Sheffield morning. 

She looked down at her phone and added another, more hopeful line.

_ f not don’t worry, I’d still like to spend time with you :) _

She hit send and shoved her phone under her pillow, half running into the bathroom to get herself away from it. She’d be sat there staring at the screen until Yaz replied otherwise, and she really did have to get to work.

As she shampooed her hair in the shower she tried to work out why it was she’d latched onto Yaz so strongly. She’d gotten that strange sensation of deja vu in A&E when she’d first been brought in, bleeding and half out of it on the trolley, but she was sure she hadn’t met her before.

She frowned, washing her face as she tried to remember Yaz’s blurry face kneeling in front of her in the club; her voice gentle, her touch grounding. She’d been terrified out of her mind, haunted by creatures beyond even her worst nightmares, yet Yaz’s simple presence had reassured her, had calmed her down. 

_ What was it about Yaz? _

Heat rushed between her legs and she tentatively reached up a hand to cup her breast, fingers tracing the small hickeys left by Daisy’s clever teeth. Her core was beginning to throb and she closed her eyes, leaning back against the cold tiles as the water cascaded over her and she pretended it was Yaz touching her, running her slender fingers across her breasts, tugging lightly at her nipples, dipping downwards and tracing the soft skin of her stomach. 

She let out a moan as her mind projected the images into her head. Yaz pressed against her, Yaz’s mouth against her neck, Yaz’s fingers dipping lower still…

She was soaked between her legs and Steph reached for the shower head, taking it off the wall and aiming it between her legs. Blissful heat cascaded over her skin, tiny jets of water firing at her clit. She angled the shower head a little higher and felt the tension growing. With her other hand she roughly grabbed at her breast, tugging her nipple as her breath came out in moans. She was imagining that it was Yaz touching her in this way, Yaz’s hand was on her breast, her mouth or perhaps her fingers working between her legs. She was pressed against her so tight all Steph could feel was her and when she came it was with Yaz’s name on her lips, legs shaking as her core hummed and her clit throbbed. 

Wrapping herself in a towel and walking on shaky legs back to her phone, Steph felt her heart drop as she noticed no friendly reply from Yaz. The message was blue ticked, she’d clearly seen it, but she hadn’t responded. 

She dressed quietly, heart puzzled, and stepped outside of her flat into the grey Sheffield day, pulling her coat around her shoulders tightly as she walked in silence to the hospital; no longer filled with the joy she’d woken up with. She’d been honest with Yaz and may have blown it with her in the process. 

Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's late and I can't be bothered to read through it again so sorry for any mistakes!!


	6. Chapter 6

_ ‘So Steph asked me out.’ _

‘Oh shit.’

Ryan paused in his examination of a star covered scarf, still not quite done with Christmas shopping. He wanted to get something for Steph but wasn’t sure if that was appropriate, given that as far as she was concerned they’d only met when he’d picked her drunk ass up off the floor. Still, if Yaz succeeded in her plan to get them to meet up for Christmas, he’d like to have a gift to give her. 

_ ‘What do I do?’  _

Yaz sounded panicked and Ryan didn't blame her. He hadn’t really had a chance to consider what it was she’d asked him, but it seemed Steph had beaten her to it. He wasn’t surprised. The Doctor never hung about when she was after something, stands to reason Steph would be the same. 

‘What do you want to do?’

There was silence on the other end and Ryan fancied he could hear the cogs of her brain turning as she considered the question. It was an impossible choice to make. Accepting Steph would, in a way, be like rejecting the Doctor. Ryan wasn’t an idiot, he knew it was unlikely the Doctor was going to come back even if part of him refused to believe it, but he could only imagine how Yaz must be feeling. He’d never snogged the Doctor for one thing. 

_ ‘I mean, I just didn't think it would happen so soon,’  _ Yaz replied in a small voice.  _ ‘I thought I’d have more time.’ _

‘Everyone gets into relationships at Christmas,’ Ryan mused, taking the star covered scarf off the rack. ‘It’s so no-one has to be alone. And she is alone, I think. Or at least she’s not with the right kind of people when she does go out.’

_ ‘Yeah, I agree,’  _ Yaz said.  _ ‘She did say not to worry if I wasn’t interested though, that she still wanted to be my friend.’ _

‘Ouch,’ Ryan said, his heartstrings pulling. 

_ ‘I know,’  _ Yaz agreed, and Ryan heard what sounded like his friend hitting her head against a wall.  _ ‘I can just picture the Doctor saying it though, with her big eyes, you know?’  _

‘That’s a face it’s hard to ignore,’ Ryan agreed, all too familiar with it. ‘When did she text you?’

_ ‘First thing this morning.’ _

‘Have you replied to her?’ 

Yaz was silent.

‘Yaz! Don’t leave the poor woman hanging!’ 

_ ‘She’s at work,’  _ Yaz shot back, though she sounded a little guilty.  _ ‘She probably hasn’t had a chance to check her phone yet.’ _

‘If she’s that into you she’ll probably be checking her phone every five minutes,’ Ryan pointed out, toying with the idea of getting a similar scarf for Yaz. Women liked scarves, didn't they?

_ ‘I know we keep saying she isn’t going to come back,’  _ Yaz whispered after a long pause,  _ ‘but I really don’t think she is, Ryan. There’s nothing there. Literally nothing.’ _

Ryan froze with his hand over a pair of mittens. His face dropped. 

‘Yeah, I know,’ he sighed, running a hand across his face. ‘At least we know she’s safe though. Or safeish.’

_ ‘Is she?’  _ Yaz said quietly.  _ ‘Safe, I mean?’ _

‘She is now,’ Ryan said firmly. ‘It’s like you said. We’re her family. She’s got us back. We’ll look after her.’ 

_ ‘And what about this date?’  _ Yaz asked nervously.  _ ‘Should I do it?’ _

‘Of course you should,’ Ryan replied softly. ‘If that’s what you both want. Of course you should. We need to stop treating her as the Doctor cause she’s not anymore. I know it’s frightening, especially after what happened between the two of you, but if you both feel strongly for each other then why not?’ 

_ ‘Thanks Ryan,’  _ Yaz said. 

‘You know I’m always gonna be here during your gay panics, Yaz,’ Ryan told her, picking up a pair of fluffy socks as he remembered Yaz was always getting cold feet on the TARDIS. Not that they’d be going on the TARDIS anymore, unless they managed to get the stubborn box to unlock herself, but it was a nice gift all the same. 

_ ‘Likewise,’  _ Yaz replied snarkily, then hung up before Ryan had a chance to be annoyed. 

* * *

Steph had been checking her phone all morning and was getting more and more disheartened. It was hard to stay chipper when everyone kept asking about her eye or kept making delicate comments about how she looked  _ a little ill,  _ but at least Steph had known she’d have Yaz to carry her through the day. Now though, there was only a ball of anxiety twisting in her gut and she felt like a presumptuous idiot. She’d probably just read the signs wrong. Yaz wasn’t into her, Yaz was just being  _ nice  _ to her. Why would anyone want to date her, anyway? Especially someone who likely viewed her as a self destructive drug addict. 

‘You alright, love?’ one of the other doctors asked gently, and Steph realised she had tears falling down her face. 

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ she mumbled, wiping them away. 

‘It’s the time of year, isn’t it?’ the doctor said, looking around at all the patients in resus; machines beeping, pinging, and making all manner of noises. ‘It’s so awful when people get poorly just before Christmas. Their poor families.’

Steph, who didn't have a family, could only nod thoughtfully. She felt their pain, she wouldn’t be a good doctor if she didn't, but it was easier to look from the outside in when you couldn’t even fathom what it was they might be experiencing. Sometimes she had visions of the family she may once have had. A woman with thick curls and a warm smile. A redhead and another man. They were always just at the edge of her vision, tucked away in the corners of her mind, and Steph had no idea who they were. Sometimes she wondered if they were staff in the children’s home she was raised in, but her memories of that place were so fragmented she often wondered if they were even real. 

Her phone buzzed and Steph pulled it out of her pocket. Yaz.  _ Phoning  _ her. 

She ducked into the corridor, heart pounding in her chest as she clicked accept and held the phone to her ear. She fully expected to hear a rejection, why else would Yaz be phoning? She’d rather she’d done it via text though, even if phoning was more polite. Coward’s way out every time. 

_ ‘Hiya! Not disturbing you am I?’  _ Yaz sounded cheerful. There was music and the sound of voices in the background, as though she was outside. 

‘No, all good!’ Steph replied, though her stomach was twisting in knots. She could hear someone looking for her in resus and she shuffled along the wall, hiding in a janitor’s cupboard. She’d still be able to hear the emergency bell if it rang. The damn thing was louder than a foghorn. She dreamt about it going off sometimes. 

_ ‘Ah good, wasn’t sure if you’d get a chance to answer. I just wanted to confirm our plan for tonight? Signal is a bit dodgy where I am. Shall I meet you outside your flat? When do you think you’ll be ready?’ _

Steph was too stunned to respond and it took her a few moments to realise Yaz was checking she was still there.

‘Ah, sorry. Yeah, that sounds great! I finish at 6 so should be ready by 7. Hopefully.’

_ ‘Amazing! I’ll see you then.’ _

‘Um, Yaz…’ Steph tugged at her short ponytail, pulling her hair nervously. ‘Can I just check - did you, um, did you get my message earlier?’

_ ‘The one where you wanted to clarify it was a date? Yeah, I got it. Oh god. Have you been worried all day? I’m so sorry I didn't reply! Please tell me you haven’t been worrying?’ _

Yaz sounded genuinely panicked and Steph rubbed her eyes tiredly, smudging the makeup around her bruised one and no doubt making it more obvious. She needed coffee. Or wine. Or both. Did coffee wine exist? It should. 

The emergency alarm blared above her head and Steph almost dropped her phone. 

‘Sorry, gotta go! See you later!’ she yelled, and hung up on Yaz as she sprinted off down the corridor. 

It occurred to her, as she half skidded back into resus, that Yaz hadn’t said if she was okay with it being a date; but likewise she also hadn’t phoned to cancel, so that had to be good? 

_ I’m probably thinking too much into this,  _ Steph considered as she grabbed the resus trolley and switched the defib on. The patient on the bed in front of her was in V-Fib, she could see his heart rate flashing irregularly on the ECG monitor. The nurses were trying to move the family out of the way with little success and Steph tried to ignore them as she concentrated on the dying man in front of her. There was an oxygen mask over his face and one of the other doctors was injecting him with adrenaline, face focused as she concentrated.

‘No! Let me see him! Get off me!’

Steph looked up. Nurses and doctors were trying to drag the family away. They were only going to get in the way, cold though that sounded, and the last thing Steph wanted to do was shock them by accident. The defib hummed as it warmed up, the tone climbing higher as it began to charge. 

_ No! Oi! Get off me! _

Steph froze, heart pounding violently as her own voice rang out in her head. The family had gone now, or at least they were far enough away that they weren’t at risk of accidental defibrillation anymore, and Steph suddenly felt sick. 

_ Just tell me what you want, maybe we can work this out. You don’t need to do this. _

‘Steph?’ 

Steph blinked hard and she looked up at one of her colleagues. The defib paddles were in her hands but it was as though a haze had descended over her mind. Her head was beginning to ache and she felt bile rising up in her throat. It was similar to the sensations she’d experienced when Yaz had been admitted, but this time her muscles were starting to clench and her heart was starting to beat irregularly. She was starting to wonder if maybe she was the one that needed the defib not the - 

Shit. The patient. Stay focused, Steph. 

‘Yeah, I’m good,’ she said, shaking her head to clear the fog. ‘Top clear, middle clear, bottom clear, shocking.’

The paddles hummed under her hands as it delivered the shock into the man’s chest and immediately one of her colleagues was back resuming CPR whilst the defib charged again. She could hear ringing in her head and Steph worried she was about to faint again, but she pushed the feeling aside as she took over CPR from her tiring colleague; feeling the ribs of this frail man bending under her hands. 

‘You alright?’ one of the doctors murmured to her, but Steph only nodded; concentrating on the task at hand. She couldn’t faint again, the first time had been embarrassing enough. She was going to start getting a reputation if she started fainting left, right, and centre and she still had weeks of training ahead of her. 

‘Defibs charged, stand clear,’ another doctor said.

Steph moved outside, sweat running down her forehead. Her stomach was cramping, head pounding and there was screaming in her mind she dimly recognised as her own. 

_ Please. Please don’t do this. If we work together we can figure this out. Whatever the problem is, the solution shouldn’t be the cost of this planet.  _

There were pinpricks of pain at her temples but Steph ignored them, continuing CPR as yet another charge failed to get the man’s heart back into a stable rhythm. The team was tiring as they realised their efforts were proving fruitless. It didn't matter how many drugs they pumped this man full of, and they were giving him a lot, he just wasn’t alive any more.

‘One more cycle,’ the consultant said, charging the defib once more. ‘Then I’ll call it.’ 

Steph’s eyes were blurry, her head pounding, her own voice screaming in agony. It was indescribable and as she took over CPR again she felt the snap of bone under her hands. 

‘Keep going, you’re doing a good job,’ the consultant said, as reassuringly as she could. Breaking ribs during CPR was common, some doctors even went so far as to say that’s how you knew you were doing it properly, but it broke Steph’s heart. 

The voice was gone but the fog was descending again, her ears ringing and heart pounding, and as the consultant called time of death Steph managed to slip away into the bathroom, falling to her knees on the tiled floor as she threw up what remained of her breakfast. She lent back, forehead pressed against the cool rim of the seat. She felt awful and wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through the rest of her shift, though she knew she couldn’t go home again. Half of her colleagues likely already suspected she drank too much at home and she couldn’t bear for one of them to start the rumour she was drunk at work. She didn't think it was withdrawal symptoms but what else could it be? And what on earth had been that voice in her head pleading in such a way? It had sounded like her, yet it also didn't?

Steph sat back against the wall, ripping off some toilet paper so she could wipe her mouth. She was starting to feel a little better, though there was a headache blossoming behind her eyes, and she stood up off the floor and stumbled to the sink; splashing cool water on her face and neck. The sensation of that man’s ribs breaking under her hands pushed themselves back to the forefront of her mind and she stumbled back into the toilet to throw up again; knuckles white against the porcelain. 

Back on the floor, hair brushed, face clean, and makeup reapplied, Steph sat down heavily at the nurse’s station to check her notes for a new admittance. She could hear the consultant speaking to the family behind the curtain and their loud, heartbroken sobs as he broke the news to them. Two days to Christmas. What an awful time of year. 

One of the nurses placed a cup of coffee in front of her, squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, and went back to work. Sometimes Steph felt as though they were all stuck in some horrible battlefield simulation where the winner got to not completely fall to shreds. She didn't even think she was winning, as proven by the events of the past few days. 

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled Yaz before she had a chance to change her mind.

‘Willyougoonadatewithme,’ she blurted out before Yaz even had a chance to say hello. ‘I mean, I know I already asked you, but I wanted to check you knew that’s what I was asking. You said you did but you didn't say if you were cool with it. Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just - I - life is short and you’re amazing and -’

_ ‘Yes,’  _ Yaz said softly, cutting off her rambles mid sentence.  _ ‘Yes. Of course I’ll go on a date with you. I’d love to go on a date with you.’ _

She sounded sad, as though she’d been crying, but god knows what Steph herself sounded like that at that moment. Just as bad no doubt. 

‘You - you will?’

_ ‘There’s nothing I’d want more.’ _

Steph wanted to cry too, but she wasn’t sure if it was from happiness, sadness, or anger. 

‘Is everything alright?’ she asked softly. ‘You sound upset.’ 

_ ‘So do you,’  _ Yaz whispered down the line.  _ ‘We’ll have to cheer each other up later, won’t we?’ _

An image of Yaz, lips soft against hers and body warm in her arms, slotted neatly into Steph’s head and she felt herself smiling, in spite of everything. 

‘I’d like that,’ she said quietly. 

_ ‘I’ll see you soon,’  _ Yaz said, her voice as grounding as ever.  _ ‘Are you going to be okay until then? Has something happened?’ _

Her implication was clear:  _ are you going to do drugs again,  _ but when Steph looked down at the cup of coffee in front of her, then left to where three of the nurses were wriggling their eyebrows at her suggestively, clearly eavesdropping, she knew she’d somehow make it through the rest of the day. 

‘I’ll be fine,’ Steph said, pulling a face at them. ‘I can’t wait to see you.’

_ ‘Me neither.’ _

Steph hung up, took a sip of her coffee, and went back to her notes; feeling a little better. 

Another bauble fell off the tree and one of the student nurses slipped on it, landing on her butt with a muffled  _ fuck.  _

Her mentor told her off for swearing. 

* * *

It was cold but the sky was clear as Yaz made her way to Steph’s flat that evening, hands in her pockets and scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. It had been a strange day, but she had managed to get her Christmas shopping finished and had enjoyed spending time with her mum. It wasn’t often they got to hang out nowadays. Even before Yaz had started whizzing around space and time they’d found it difficult to go shopping together, what with work and the rest of their chaotic lives making time together hard.

Steph’s motorbike was parked on the road outside her flat and there was a light coming from the upstairs window. Yaz’s fingers toyed with her phone in her pocket, feeling suddenly nervous. Steph had clearly had a bad day, who knew what kind of state Yaz would find her in? Yaz just hoped she wasn’t unconscious on the floor or drunk out of her head. She knew seeing the Doctor like this would be hard, the Doctor had warned them of that herself, she just hadn’t thought it would be  _ this  _ hard. Her friend looked at her and her gaze went straight through her, no recognition, no clue who she was. It was the worse kind of torture.

‘You gonna stand there all night? It’s freezing,’ a cheery northern voice called down at her, and Yaz looked up to Steph waving at her out the window. ‘I’m almost ready, let me buzz you up.’ 

Steph’s flat was warm, if sparsely decorated, and Yaz stood in her living room looking around as Steph rummaged around to find her things. There was a threadbare sofa she’d clearly gotten second hand positioned opposite a TV. There was also an old-fashioned fireplace but Yaz was unsure if it still worked. Likely Steph didn't want to try and turn it on in case she ended up burning the place down. A woolen red rug was on the floor and there were bookcases stacked high with books, a wide-rimmed pair of glasses left abandoned on the open page of a book. Yaz checked the cover.  _ A Christmas Carol.  _ Seemed appropriate for the season.

‘One day I’ll finish it,’ Steph mused, noticing Yaz from the doorway of her bedroom as she hunted through the washing for a clean-ish jumper. ‘Keep meaning to. Life gets in the way though, doesn’t it?’

Yaz remembered a story the Doctor had told her, one night curled on sofas deep in the belly of the TARDIS, about Charles Dickens and gas light creatures. 

‘Sorry to keep you waiting. I finished work late,’ Steph continued, locating a jumper and tugging it over her head. ‘Do you want a drink or anything? I think I’ve got some orange juice in the fridge somewhere.’ 

‘No, I’m good,’ Yaz said, noting the telescope in the corner of the room and the pile of medical textbooks on her shelf. She wondered if Steph gazed at the stars the same way the Doctor did, wide-eyed and full of wonder. ‘Did you have a good day?’

Steph didn't respond, but in Yaz’s experience that was often answer enough. 

‘There, half presentable,’ she said, flinging her arms wide with a grin for Yaz’s inspection. She was wearing dark skinny jeans, lace up boots, a baggy silver jumper and had a scarf around her neck to complete the ensemble. It wasn’t quite as rainbow-themed and garish as the Doctor’s usual outfit, but she looked cute all the same and Yaz told her as much.

‘Aw,’ Steph said, her face flushing. She looked anxious, hands twisting in front of her. ‘I - um, I’m sorry about earlier, if I came out a bit desperate I mean. It was a bit of a hard day.’

‘Don’t be sorry,’ Yaz said softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand reassuringly. ‘I’m glad we’re doing this.’

Steph smiled nervously at her and Yaz felt butterflies in her stomach. She was so unlike the Doctor yet their smiles were the same and Yaz pulled her close, suddenly desperate for a hug. Likewise, Steph was probably feeling the same as warm arms immediately wrapped around her waist and a cold nose pressed against the side of Yaz’s neck. This poor woman had been alone and abandoned for two months purely because Yaz had been too frightened to face her friends; delaying the delivery of her message.

‘Yaz? Are you - are you crying?’

‘No,’ Yaz mumbled into Steph’s shoulder. 

‘Bad liar,’ Steph replied, hugging her closer. ‘Wanna talk about it?’

‘It’s difficult,’ Yaz said, pulling away and rubbing her eyes furiously. ‘It’s nothing you’ve done, I swear, it’s just - life. You know?’

‘Yeah,’ Steph said passionately. ‘I do. It sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?’

Yaz nodded miserably for a moment, then plastered a smile on her face and retrieved her scarf. 

‘Sorry, shouldn’t cry on our date. Shall we go? I’m starving.’ 

‘What’s that smell, the one that drifts past whenever I go past the markets?’ Steph asked thoughtfully, retrieving her coat and bag. ‘Always makes my mouth water.’

‘Waffles,’ Yaz grinned. She remembered a memorable morning spent watching the Doctor try and work the waffle machine on the TARDIS before accidentally (or so she claimed) setting it on fire, but she tried to push it out of her mind. Steph wasn’t the Doctor. It was unfair to both of them to compare the two together, especially when she was about to cross a serious line. 

‘Ooh can we get some of those?’ Steph asked, wide eyed. ‘I’ve not eaten today.’

‘Steph!’ Yaz said, appalled.

‘What! It’s been chaos!’ Steph protested quickly. ‘You hardly get a chance to have a wee, let alone a bite to eat.’

‘Remind me to fill your pockets full of snacks before you leave tomorrow,’ Yaz said, rolling her eyes, and Steph nudged her arm with a bony elbow.

‘Why? You planning on staying over?’

Yaz’s face flushed bright red and Steph laughed. 

‘I’m teasing. Come on, I’m starving.’ 

It was cold outside but Yaz hardly felt it as she chatted away to Steph. Steph seemed more than happy to ask Yaz questions and listen to her talk, rather than try and talk about herself, but Yaz suspected that was likely because Yaz’s memories were real, whereas Steph sounded more like she was reciting geography books, wikipedia pages and statistics whenever she spoke about her childhood. Yaz wondered how she’d been given this different life, who’d arranged it for her and how, and she felt her hand slipping into Steph’s as they walked through the brightly lit markets, munching on their waffles. Yaz hoped the Doctor hadn’t been frightened, though she already knew purely from her message that she had been. It was rare to see the Doctor so panicked, at least to that extent, and Yaz was so grateful to her for finding a way to send the message. 

She realised Steph was trying to speak to her and she blinked, confused. 

‘I asked if you were warm enough,’ Steph laughed at Yaz’s expression, clearly guilty after being caught not paying attention. ‘Your nose is pink.’ She bopped it with a finger and Yaz flushed from her toes to her head as heat spread through her at the touch. Steph was a lot more handsy, less reserved than the Doctor, but the feeling of desire that thrummed through her as their skin touched was no less strong. 

_ They’re different people stop comparing them,  _ Yaz screamed inside her head. 

‘It’s a bit chilly, I’m having a really nice evening though,’ Yaz replied, and Steph’s smile was so bright it sent Yaz’s heart fluttering. 

‘Fancy a drink? Don’t worry, of the non-alcoholic variety,’ Steph said quickly with a light laugh as panic flashed across Yaz’s face. ‘I never drink on dates.’

Yaz dearly wanted to ask how many she’d been on in the past couple of months but decided against it and gratefully took the hot chocolate Steph bought for her a few minutes later.

‘Ooh! Hats!’ Steph said cheerily, darting off to a stall and dragging Yaz along behind her. 

It was a little like exploring another planet with the Doctor, Yaz considered as she laughed at Steph trying various novelty hats on, pulling more and more ridiculous faces in the mirror hanging above the vendor’s little hut. Everything bright and shiny caught her eye, everything excited her. The arm around her waist that pulled her close as they moved away was certainly a change though, and Yaz pressed her body against her as she felt her heart beating quickly. She still couldn’t shake the feeling that this whole thing was wrong, despite what Ryan and Graham had said. 

‘Ooh can we go on that?’ Steph asked. ‘I’ve not been on a carousel for -’

She frowned, face scronching, and Yaz felt her heart in her throat. She’d been warming up to the merry-go-round, wanting to take the opportunity to spend some time with her first, but it seems Steph had unknowingly led them straight to it. 

‘You alright?’ Yaz asked when no answer was forthcoming and Steph nodded, swallowing hard. 

‘Yeah, sorry. I was miles away for a minute there.’

There was sweat on her forehead, Yaz realised, and she reached up a gloved hand to brush it away, her palm lingering against Steph’s cheek.

‘Are you feeling okay?’ she asked gently. 

‘Course I am,’ Steph replied, though she still looked a little nervous. She took Yaz’s hand and squeezed it tightly. ‘That carousel, how long has it been open for?’

‘Not long, only since the beginning of December,’ Yaz responded, something akin to fear coiling in the pit of her stomach. ‘They’ve been assembling it for a while though, since October I think.’ 

‘Really? They’ve been building it for that long and they still put the sign on wonky?’ Steph said with a frown. ‘You’d have thought someone would have noticed.’

She had more colour in her cheeks and look a little less petrified, though Yaz dearly wished she knew what was going on in her head. They’d almost written the carousel off in their growing list of ‘potential bad guy lairs’ but it had clearly scared the pants off of Steph. 

‘What sign?’ Yaz asked, frowning as she looked at it.

‘That one,’ Steph said, pointing. Yaz followed her finger. The carousel had thankfully stopped moving and Steph was pointing at one of the novelty seats. This one was a little double decker London bus, clearly only built for children though Yaz didn't doubt for a moment that the Doctor would try and get into it. There was a lopsided little sign attached to it that was on such a wonk Yaz found she had to tilt her head to look at it. 

_ All aboard for the Fun Fair express! _

‘Funfair is only one word too,’ Steph mused, attention already caught by novelty Christmas Tree decorations with fake snow in them.

Yaz was too busy staring at the sign, excitement bubbling up inside her. The font was different, the word ‘Fun’ was bigger than the rest of the sign, it looked confused and out of place on the side of the bus and Yaz remembered what the Doctor had said in her message. She had the whole thing practically committed to memory at this point:

_ I’m not sure what they’re planning, but it probably won’t be fun. _

Fun. That was the final clue. 

With Steph currently distracted by the snow globe decorations, Yaz snuck over to the carousel. It was starting to fill up with children but the coach was still empty and Yaz carefully knelt down in front of it, head tilted as she listened carefully. There was a faint humming sound coming from the sign, though Yaz knew that could simply be from the carousel’s electrical input, but as she reached out a hand to touch the sign a spark snapped against her palm and she yanked it back with a yelp.

‘You alright?’

Steph appeared at her side, kneeling down beside her and tugging the glove off Yaz’s hand to check her palm. There was nothing there, no sign of an injury, only smooth skin.

‘Electric shock?’ Steph asked, head tilted, and Yaz nodded, though she couldn’t help but suspect it was something more going on. She knew she was basing her assumptions on a lot. Steph’s reaction, her pointing out the wonky sign, the word  _ fun  _ mentioned in her video, but it wasn’t like Yaz had anything else to go on.

‘Yeah, I think so,’ Yaz said. She shivered, unsure whether it was from the cold or not, and Steph raised Yaz’s hand to her lips to kiss her palm softly. 

‘There, all better,’ she said gently. ‘Promise. I’m a doctor.’

Yaz laughed and Steph helped her put the glove back on. 

‘It’s getting a bit cold, and late,’ Steph said, and Yaz realised the market was beginning to thin out as people went home. 

‘What time is it?’ Yaz asked, trying to wriggle her watch out under her sleeve.

‘Almost half 11,’ Steph replied, looking up at the stars.

Yaz followed her gaze. 

‘Did you just tell me what time it was from looking at the sky?’ she asked, confused.

‘Yeah! Cool trick of mine,’ Steph said with a smile. 

‘I should let you go, you have work tomorrow, right?’ Yaz asked. Steph nodded, though she didn't look very happy about it. 

‘If you wanted - I mean, if you’d like,’ Steph said nervously. ‘You’d be welcome to stay with me this evening, or just to come back for a hot drink. Since it’s so late. I won’t try anything, promise.’ She put her hands behind her back and tilted forward anxiously on the balls of her feet. ‘Well, unless you want me to.’

‘You’re such a dork,’ Yaz said with a smile, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Steph’s ear. Steph leaned into her touch, eyes sliding shut as she practically purred under Yaz’s hand. 

Her cheeks were flushed pink though Yaz suspected it had nothing to do with the cold and when her eyes opened again her pupils were dark, eyes shining. 

‘Is that a yes?’ she asked hopefully, arms wrapping around Yaz’s waist to pull her close, and when Yaz leaned up to kiss her it was as though sparks were exploding against her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (smut on its way)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE SOME SMUT

It was a quiet walk back to Steph’s flat, the two women both hurrying along; eager to get out of the cold and into each other’s arms. Yaz barely had time to close the door behind her before Steph was kissing her again, arms around her waist and back against the wall as she thoroughly explored the inside of Yaz’s mouth with her tongue. Yaz could feel herself going weak, heat pooling between her legs at the sensation. She’d kissed these lips before but not like this, not with this much heat and desperation. She didn't even know the Doctor was  _ capable  _ of kissing like this. 

‘Sorry,’ Steph said, pulling away with a loopy grin on her face. ‘You’re just so beautiful.’ 

‘I wasn’t complaining,’ Yaz replied in a breathy mumble, her lips swollen and heart pounding.

‘I’m not being a very good host,’ Steph said, scronching her face. ‘Let me get you a cuppa to warm yourself up.’

As Steph disappeared into the kitchen, Yaz had more time to explore her flat. There wasn’t an awful lot of stuff in it and Steph had been extremely vague when Yaz had asked how long she’d lived there for. Her bathroom was small but usable, and Yaz spotted the Doctor's favourite products along the windowsill. Bath bombs from Lush, makeup from The Body Shop, various body butters and face creams dotted here and there. Yaz had spent an evening with the Doctor teaching her how to do skincare better after she’d complained about dry skin on her cheeks. It hadn’t taken long to realise the reason for this was because the Doctor still treated her skin and hair as though it belonged to a sixty year old man. 

Yaz had been in her living room only a few hours previously but, with the corner light on and the curtains slightly pulled back, she was finally able to see just how homey it really was. There were no photographs anywhere, only candles and little novelty decorations like a tiny llama plant pot holding a little succulent. The walls were painted grey with a dark blue feature wall and the floorboards were proper wood, creaking under Yaz’s feet. Compared to the chaos of the Doctor’s lab in the TARDIS, this was quite a difference. There was even a tiny Christmas tree in the corner, baubles and tinsel hanging off of it lopsidedly. Yaz pressed a switch and the little lights around the tree and the mantlepiece flickered on. Yaz smiled but then her face fell. There were no presents under the tree. Not one. There weren’t even any Christmas cards on display anywhere. Yaz had the awful sensation of falling backwards. If Steph disappeared, no-one would miss her or even know she’d existed. 

Yaz had planned to leave Steph’s bedroom, deciding it was too personal to go nosing in, but her curiosity got the better of her and she carefully poked her head around the door. Steph’s room was a mess, clothes flung everywhere and random bits of medical stuff dotted about the place, spilling out of discarded scrub pockets across a faded rug. Yaz spotted tape, gauze, gloves, (thankfully empty) sample pots, little packets of alcohol wipes, and empty packets from sterile needles. 

A horrifying thought struck Yaz but thankfully Steph appeared in the doorway at that moment and understood immediately what she was thinking. 

‘Don’t worry,’ she said gently, pressing a hot mug of tea into Yaz’s hand. ‘IV drugs are for patients only. I just keep forgetting to take all that junk out my pockets. Wanna sit in the living room? I’ve got loads of blankets. We could put something rubbish on the telly if you want.’ 

They put on an old Christmas movie and curled up together under the blankets, hot drinks in hand, pressed side by side against each other as Steph rested her head against Yaz’s shoulder. It was a little awkward, cuddling and holding her tea when her arm was still in the sling, so once her drink was finished Yaz settled for curling her fingers into Steph’s hair; running the short locks through her fingers and breathing in the faint scent of coconut. That was the Doctor's favourite too. 

‘Thanks for being here,’ Steph mumbled quietly. ‘You’ve made this Christmas much more bearable.’

‘Have you always been on your own at Christmas?’ Yaz asked gently. 

‘Hmm,’ she replied, burrowing into Yaz’s warmth. ‘Or working. Working isn’t so bad. Someone usually brings mince pies in.’ 

‘It must be awful, being admitted to A&E at Christmas,’ Yaz said. 

‘You’d know,’ Steph replied, smiling up at her then looking pointedly at her shoulder. ‘Has it been hurting?’

‘No, not really. I’ve been taking my painkillers,’ Yaz added quickly when she saw the question on Steph’s lips. 

Steph sat up and reached for the sling, waiting for Yaz to nod her permission. Her arm still ached a little but it wasn’t as painful as it had been and the regular painkillers were really taking the edge off. Steph’s hands were gentle as she carefully undid it and eased Yaz’s arm out, dropping the sling on the floor and sitting in front of Yaz; hands hovering over the buttons of her shirt. 

Yaz swallowed hard. She could smell Steph’s perfume and her heart was thudding in her chest. If she was about to cross a line,  _ this  _ was it. The kissing had been amazing but it wasn’t new, this - Steph unbuttoning her shirt - most certainly was. Part of her wanted to stop but she knew she wouldn’t be able to. She’d missed the Doctor so much and Steph  _ wanted  _ her. 

Yaz also didn't think Steph needed to undo all the buttons just to get to her wound, but she didn't stop her. 

The shirt slipped from her shoulders, leaving her chest bare aside from her bra, and Steph’s hand ghosted across the wound. It hadn’t been massively deep, it was her head that had hurt the most, but it tingled as Steph touched it and she instantly drew her hand away. 

‘Is that okay? Did I hurt you?’ Steph asked, worry on her face, and Yaz shook her head and pulled her hand back, placing it over the scar. 

‘No, you didn't hurt me,’ she whispered.

Steph’s eyes darkened as she caught her meaning and she leaned forward again, bending her head to Yaz’s shoulder to lightly kiss the bare skin. Her lips were hot and felt like fire against Yaz’s skin, the smell of her was in Yaz’s nose and she reached up to pull Steph closer, heat burning between her legs, heart thudding in her chest. Screw the consequences. Steph was alone. She was alone. They wanted each other. 

Steph’s mouth latched onto her neck and Yaz moaned embarrassingly loud, tilting her head to allow Steph easier access and reaching down to tug at the hem of Steph’s jumper till she pulled away so Yaz could pull it - and her t-shirt - over her head; leaving her similarly clad in just her bra. 

‘Now we’re even,’ Yaz mumbled, her mouth dry and chest heaving. 

‘I can change that,’ Steph grinned, eyes dark, and as her lips returned to Yaz’s, Yaz felt her hands sneak around her back to tug at the clasp of her bra. 

Yaz held her breath as she felt the clasp give, the straps sliding down her arms as Steph pulled it off her. A warm hand slid up her chest, cupping her breast while another snuck into her hair; tilting Yaz’s head so Steph could suck on her tongue as she ran her fingers across her nipple. It was impossible to imagine the Doctor doing anything like this to her but Yaz found that made things easier. The Doctor wouldn’t, Steph would. The Doctor was gone, Steph was here. 

‘Shall we go to the bedroom?’ Yaz whispered, tugging at the belt around Steph’s trousers. She wasn’t sure if it was the late hour or the fire in her belly but she had the sudden urge to strip this woman down and prove to her she was loved. Faded hickeys dotted Steph’s neck and chest, no doubt from her encounter with Daisy, and Yaz longed to replace them with her own; to mark Steph as hers.

Steph helped her up from the couch, mindful of her shoulder, and stumbled with her back to her bedroom; both women desperate to be the first to get the other’s trousers down. They were both wearing skinny jeans and Yaz barely managed to get the waistband over Steph’s thighs, instead tripping her up as the denim stuck her legs together and she fell backwards onto the bed. 

‘Sorry!’ Yaz said, hand over her mouth as she tried to stop herself from laughing. 

‘You can do it again, if you like,’ Steph half-growled, and Yaz realised her gaze was fixed on Yaz’s abdomen; eyes heavy lidded. Yaz knew she had a nice stomach and had been grateful to the TARDIS for providing her with a gym so she could keep up her exercise routine, but if she’d known the sight of her abs would invoke this strong a reaction she would likely have worn a bikini that one time they went to the beach of Sandraz Major; rather than a full costume. 

‘Maybe when my arm’s better,’ Yaz promised her, reaching out to pull the rest of her jeans down and off her legs. She clambered onto her lap and leaned down to kiss her again, awkwardly reaching around Steph’s back to undo her bra. Her shoulder ached a little with the motion and Steph noticed as she sat up, Yaz still straddling her legs. 

‘I got it,’ she said gently, teeth grazing Yaz’s neck as she reached round her back to unhook her bra. 

Yaz felt fresh heat between her legs as Steph’s breasts were exposed to the air, nipples hardened and skin already marked with fading bruises. She pushed Steph back onto the bed, hearing her squeak, and wasted no time clamping her mouth around a nipple and sucking it hard, cupping Steph’s other breast in her hand as Steph moaned beneath her, hands caught in Yaz’s hair pulling them as close together as possible. 

Yaz slid her knee between Steph’s legs, angling it upwards and making the other woman cry out as she pulled away to admire her handiwork. Small bruises dotted Steph’s breast, stark against her pale skin. Steph was trying to seek out the friction from Yaz’s knee against her, one hand in Yaz’s hair while the other fondled her breast roughly; quiet moans and cries falling from her lips. 

‘My turn,’ Steph begged, pupils blown, and she carefully eased Yaz onto her back and pressed against the fabric of Yaz’s underwear with her fingers as her mouth began to worship Yaz’s chest, a wet tongue darting out and gentle teeth tugging at Yaz’s skin.

The line she’d crossed was so far behind Yaz now that she couldn’t even see it anymore. She arched her back up, trying to encourage the fingers pressing against her to do so inside her underwear, gripping Steph’s hair and breathing hard as pleasure shot through her. The Doctor would never be interested in doing this with her, this was all Steph. Yaz thought that would upset her but if anything it only made it easier and she sighed into Steph’s mouth as the other woman kissed her again, their bare breasts pushing against each other. 

‘I was gonna ask if you were sure about this,’ Steph murmured, and Yaz let out a strangled cry as those clever fingers  _ finally  _ slid underneath her underwear and down into wet heat, ‘but I think you are.’

‘If you stop now I’m never speaking to you again,’ Yaz panted, eyes squeezed shut as two fingers slid down through her, gathering wetness before pressing hard against her clit. 

‘Who said anything about stopping?’ Steph grinned, a wicked glint in her eye, and Yaz pulled her face down again; sliding her tongue inside Steph’s mouth and bucking against her as her fingers worked slowly between her legs, determined to draw it out while Yaz fell to pieces around her. 

‘That feels so good,’ Yaz moaned, nails digging into Steph’s arms as she continued sucking and nibbling at her chest. 

Steph let out a breathy sound, clearly highly responsive to praise, and Yaz decided to run with it. 

‘You make me feel so good,’ she went on, wriggling her hips and groaning. ‘I’m so wet, can you feel it? That’s what you’re doing to me.’

Steph, seemingly incapable of words at this point, only let out another noise that sent fresh wetness through Yaz’s core, her fingers moving more urgently now as two slipped inside Yaz and her thumb kept up the circling pressure against her clit. Yaz cried out so loud she was sure Steph’s neighbours would have heard and she thrust her hips up against Steph’s fingers, squeezing around them and making Steph almost sob. 

Yaz could feel herself unravelling and knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. These sensations were too much. Steph’s mouth was hot and urgent against her breast, the fingers between her legs pumping pleasure through her veins. Yaz felt utterly worshipped and had never been this turned on in her life. She longed to return the favour, to treat Steph in the same way, but all she could do was think about the wave heading towards her, her clit throbbing, her legs burning, her heart pounding in her chest. She gripped Steph’s arms and tried to hold on as liquid pleasure shot through her, her mouth open in a silent cry as her climax gripped hold and she shuddered in Steph’s arms, her inner muscles clenching around Steph’s fingers. 

When she finally came to her senses again, Steph was straddling her lap with her hair rumpled, eyes black and cheeks flushed, sucking her fingers clean. 

‘You taste amazing,’ she said softly, and Yaz sat up and pushed her onto her back, tugging down her underwear and easily sliding two fingers inside her with no warm up needed at all; making Steph gasp and cling to Yaz’s arms in desperation. 

‘I bet you do too,’ Yaz whispered, and Steph’s mouth dropped open as she realised her intentions. 

Yaz wriggled down the bed, taking care to keep her shoulder tucked against her, and bit lightly at Steph’s thigh as she began a punishing pace with her fingers. Evidence of Daisy was down here too and Yaz growled as she covered up the faded marks with fresh ones, biting and sucking until Steph was sobbing above her, pleading for more.

Yaz was only too eager to please. The second her mouth fastened over Steph’s clit the other woman let out a sob, reaching down to wrap Yaz’s hair around her fingers. Yaz couldn’t help but moan at the sound and she removed her fingers briefly so she could carefully ease her tongue inside of Steph instead. She was soaking wet and swollen and so sensitive that every little touch Yaz left against her had her mewling and wriggling down, pressing herself against Yaz’s face. Yaz eased her fingers back inside her, mouth getting to work at her clit as she sucked and thrusted and hummed against her. 

Steph’s legs came up either side of her head, squeezing a little bit with a pressure that only spurred Yaz on. She still couldn’t believe she was doing this after all her reservations, all her doubts, but even if this wasn’t the Doctor, Yaz had hopelessly fallen for Steph and wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling was mutual; especially given the way Steph was gasping into the air and begging for more. 

Yaz fucked her faster, jaw aching as she sucked and licked and mouthed against her. When she opened her eyes and looked up she could see Steph’s head tilted back, eyes closed, mouth open in ecstasy. Her chest was heaving, breath ragged, and when Steph looked down at her with pleasure in her eyes Yaz could feel a fresh rush of wetness between her own legs. She moaned, gripping Steph’s hips and dragging her down closer. Her shoulder was beginning to hurt but she couldn’t stop. She wanted to wring every cry, every moan, every desperate plea out of this woman. She wanted her to know she’s loved. 

When Steph came it was silent. Her back arched off the bed as her legs clamped hard around Yaz’s head and her fingers tightened in Yaz’s hair. Yaz felt her pulse and clench around her and she didn’t let go until Steph gently pushed her head away, dropping back against the pillows a wrecked mess. 

‘That was incredible,’ Steph murmured, pulling Yaz against her and curling around her, pressing her face against Yaz’s neck. Yaz can feel her heart beating wildly and it almost gives her pause. The Doctor has two hearts, Steph has one. It was an uncomfortable realisation. 

Steph was warm in her arms, breathless and sighing as she closed her eyes. She looked relaxed but also exhausted,  _ beyond  _ exhausted, and Yaz realised guiltily that she had to work the next day.

‘What do you know?’ Yaz said soothingly, pulling the duvet up over them as she ran her fingers through the dishevelled blonde locks. ‘I ended up staying the night after all.’

Steph was already asleep but she didn't let go of Yaz. She was holding her so tight it was almost as though Yaz was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, far from it, and when she did drift off it was with Steph’s shampoo in her nose and their breasts pushed against each other, hearts pounding in unison.

* * *

Yaz was woken up in the morning by a phone alarm going off. She was wrapped in a warm fuzz and had no intention of moving, but that phone alarm was getting more and more insistent and the shrill ring was starting to irritate her.

A low groan sounded from next to her and Yaz realised there was an arm across her waist and a bare leg in between her own. Blonde hair tickled her nose and Yaz caught sight of a bare chest and an adorably scronched face. 

_ Oh. Shit.  _

‘Sorry,’ Steph mumbled, reaching out to silence her phone. ‘I have to have it loud or I’ll sleep through it.’

Steph blinked at her, cheeks pink, hair ruffled, eyes soft. She looked beyond beautiful.

‘Morning,’ Yaz said quietly, and Steph smiled and pressed her face against Yaz’s, fingers curling around her hip.

‘Morning,’ she replied sleepily, burrowing under the duvet. ‘You look cute. You should hang out in my bed more often.’

‘Hmm,’ Yaz replied, unsure how else to reply. Her shoulder was beginning to ache and with it the full implication of what she’d just done was weighing heavily on her. She’d slept with the Doctor. Or not the Doctor, but sort of the Doctor. The equivalent of the Doctor. 

‘You alright?’ Step asked, head tilted. ‘You look - well, conflicted is probably the best word.’ Her face fell and Yaz’s heart plummeted into her stomach. 

‘Are you having second thoughts?’ Steph asked, and Yaz shook her head, ignoring the voice in her head screaming  _ what are you doing.  _

‘No, I’m always like this in the morning,’ she replied, reaching out to tuck messy blonde locks behind Steph’s ear. ‘Takes me a while to get going.’

Steph wriggled forward to kiss her gently, tucking an arm around her waist as their breasts pushed together. Yaz could feel her heart beating quickly under her skin and she raised a hand to place over the spot, feeling the thump under her fingers. It felt wrong, Steph only having one heart, and Yaz wondered what had happened to the other one.

‘Oh,’ Steph said suddenly, pulling away and blinking. ‘It’s Christmas Eve.’

‘Yeah, it is,’ Yaz whispered. 

A brilliant smile lit up across Steph’s face and she nuzzled Yaz’s neck. She was so soft, so affectionate, so full of joy. It was impossible to not be immediately won over by her and Yaz sighed happily as a warm mouth pressed against her skin, a slender hand disappearing down the plane of her stomach and dipping lower still.

‘Wait,’ Steph said suddenly, head snapping up as Yaz made a noise of annoyance. She could feel how wet she was already and had no intention of refusing her now, even if her arm was a little sore. 

Steph climbed out of bed and stretched, naked, beautiful, and covered in hickeys. She held out a hand to Yaz, a mischievous glint in her eyes. ‘Wanna shower with me?’

* * *

It was cold outside though with Steph’s arm around her Yaz barely noticed. It was hard to feel guilty about betraying the Doctor when she felt this loved, though her heart still ached at the thought. If only it had been the Doctor to show her this side of her, to love her in the way Steph did, to hold her all night and cherish her in the morning. 

‘Need a lift?’ Steph asked, shrugging on her motorbike jacket. Yaz hadn’t been prepared for how ridiculously hot she was in it and it took her a moment to realise she was staring, open mouthed. 

‘Point taken,’ Steph said with a glint in her eye. ‘Next time we’re in bed I’ll wear this.’ She paused, helmet in her hand, and looked up at Yaz through a fringe of blonde hair. ‘Will there be a next time? I had a really nice evening with you,  _ and  _ night. And also morning!’ She grinned at Yaz and Yaz swallowed hard as she remembered the fingers that had slipped inside her in the shower that morning, working her up to an orgasm so quickly Yaz had almost been a little embarrassed. 

‘I was actually thinking you should come round tomorrow after work,’ Yaz said, smiling at her. ‘I’m going round some a friend’s house in the evening for dinner. You’ve met Ryan already. His grandad will be there too.’

Steph pulled a face. 

‘I doubt Ryan wants to see me again,’ she said. ‘I did kind of collapse on him.’

‘Nah he didn't mind,’ Yaz laughed. ‘I just thought you might like to have Christmas dinner. Mince pies sound nice but it’s hardly substantial!’

‘And his grandad won’t mind?’ Steph asked, looking nervous.

‘Nah, the more the merrier. Just think about it, you’re more than welcome,’ Yaz said, and Steph nodded. 

‘Can I drop you anywhere?’

‘On the back of that?’

‘Don’t worry, passed my test first time.’

Another memory flashed through Yaz’s mind. The Doctor on a motorbike, zipping through vineyards like a crazy person, dodging bullets like they were nothing. 

‘I don’t think Park Hill is near the hospital.’

‘Oh! You live up there! Don’t worry, I know a shortcut. Come on! I can’t leave you in the cold.’

Yaz hesitated, but Steph’s smile was wide and she carefully clambered onto the back of the bike, taking the spare helmet she was offered and easing her arm out of the sling so she could wrap both arms around Steph’s waist. Steph felt solid and warm in her arms and Yaz closed her eyes as she clung to her, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes which she quickly blinked away. She felt - angry? Angry at the Doctor for not behaving like Steph had. Angry at the Doctor for rejecting her when clearly there was some part of her that had reciprocated Yaz’s feelings. She knew it wasn’t fair, knew the circumstances were different, but that didn't stop the pain aching in her chest. This is what she could have had with the Doctor. A normal life with the woman she loved. 

‘Hold on,’ Steph said, and then they were moving.

The early morning sky was grey but it had never seemed more magical to Yaz. With her arms around Steph’s waist and the motorbike roaring beneath her Yaz felt as though she was in an action movie. She was disappointed when it ended as they arrived outside the Park Hill flats, and Yaz asked Steph to carry on just a little further up the hill. She didn't have time to answer questions from her parents, she had to get to Ryan and Graham immediately. Their detective work wasn’t over yet.

‘Here?’ Steph asked as she switched off the ignition. 

‘Yeah, this is perfect,’ Yaz replied, taking off her helmet and tucking it neatly into the storage compartment inside the seat of the bike. ‘Thank you.’

‘No, Yaz, thank  _ you,’  _ Steph smiled at her, cupping her cheeks in her hands and leaning forwards to kiss her soundly. 

‘Have a good day,’ Yaz murmured against her lips. ‘And think about tomorrow.’

‘I will,’ Steph said. ‘Thank Graham for the invite.’

Yaz hadn’t told her Graham’s name and her heart twisted as she remembered the way Steph had known who Ryan was in the club, even if she’d then forgotten it. How was she supposed to pretend like the Doctor wasn’t there when bits of her kept sneaking through?

As soon as Steph had driven off, Ryan opened the front door and stood there grinning like a loon at her. 

‘Date go well then, I take it?’ he asked smugly, and Yaz flushed. 

‘Might’ve done,’ she replied, shoving past him to get into the house. Graham hadn’t gone overboard with Christmas decorations, but there was a tree with a handful of neatly wrapped presents underneath it. Yaz even spotted one with her own name printed neatly on the label. 

‘Morning, cockle,’ Graham said, appearing out of the kitchen. ‘Was that our Doc you just rode up with? I hope her motorbike driving has improved from last time.’

‘Steph,’ Yaz corrected him wearily. ‘She’s Steph now.’

‘Yeah, my mistake,’ Graham said gently. ‘Fancy a cuppa? I’ve got the kettle on.’

He disappeared back into the kitchen and Ryan sat opposite Yaz, eyebrows raised and hands clasped in front of him as though about to conduct an interview. 

‘So? Gimme the goss.’

‘It was a lovely evening,’ Yaz said, rolling her eyes at him.

‘And a lovely  _ night  _ too, judging from the fact you were still together this morning,’ Ryan grinned with a wicked glint in his eye.

Yaz glared at him, though she felt heat rising up her cheeks and painting them pink. 

‘I was thinking, maybe we should give that carousel one more look see,’ Graham said, setting a cup of tea down in front of Yaz. ‘We might see something in the light of day that we missed.’

‘It’s definitely the carousel,’ Yaz said, remembering Steph’s reaction to it and the shock that had sent pain through her palm. ‘And this time, I know exactly where to look.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - we actually further the plot somewhat XD


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some plot development!

‘How on earth did you notice that?’ Graham said, astonished as the three of them stood in front of the wonky sign on the side of the London bus. 

‘I didn't,’ Yaz replied. ‘Steph did. All the colour just drained out her face. She’s definitely been here before, even if she said she hasn’t.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Ryan said, looking confused. ‘It’s just a badly painted sign, how is it supposed to tell us where the bad guys are?’

‘Try and touch it,’ Yaz said, nudging him. ‘Go on. Hold your hand out.’

He did so and seconds later yelped as the sign sparked against his hand, sending him reeling backward. 

‘Defence mechanism? To stop people fiddling with it?’ Graham suggested. ‘Maybe it’s like that thing the TARDIS has going on. Low level perception filter or whatever.’ 

‘Slightly more stingier though,’ Ryan said bitterly, glaring at the sign. 

‘I think we’re  _ supposed  _ to touch it somehow,’ Yaz said, looking at it thoughtfully. ‘Maybe it’s a hidden door or something.’

‘How are we meant to touch it?’ Ryan said incredulously. ‘We can’t get near it!’ 

Yaz reached out her hand. She felt charged particles of electricity in the air, humming against her skin as she tried to edge closer. She held back, just out of reach of the shock that would send her backwards. This must be where the bad guys were hiding. The music had been in the background of the Doctor's video, Steph had been terrified of it, and why else would there be such a strong defence? No wonder the children avoided the bus if they got electrocuted every time they tried to sit on it.

‘Whatever you’re doing, better do it fast,’ Graham murmured. They were hiding around the back of the carousel but he could see that it was almost filled up, the operator ready to turn it on and send it spinning around. The Doctor had forecast an attack on Christmas Day, that meant they had less than 24 hours to figure out what was going on. They couldn’t let her down.

Yaz took a deep breath and shoved her hand against the sign, yelping as the spark shot up her arm.

Then she disappeared in a flash of white light. 

‘Yaz!’ Ryan yelled, but she’d gone and there was no trace of her anywhere.

‘I really hope that was a teleport and she didn't just get disintegrated,’ Graham said anxiously. The music was starting up now and the carousel was slowly beginning to move. Graham and Ryan found they had to jog just to keep up with the sign.

‘Only one way to find out!’ Ryan yelled over the noise and, holding hands with his grandad, he shoved his hand against the sign.

A sudden arch of electricity shot through him, pain erupting in his chest as he felt himself being pulled violently. When he was able to open his eyes again he realised he was lying on the cold floor of a dark room, body fizzing from the aftereffects of the teleport and head blurred and confused; Graham lying beside him.

‘Well that sucked,’ he said eventually, sitting himself up slowly. 

‘It must be a teleport or a transmat or something,’ Yaz said. She’d recovered and was stood in front of them, looking around with wide eyes. ‘We were right. This must be where the bad guys are.’

Music drifted down and when the three of them looked up they realised the ceiling of the ship was made of glass, or something similar, and they could see the carousel moving above them.

‘We’re underneath it,’ Graham realised. ‘No wonder the music was so clear in the Doc’s message.’

‘What is this? Some kind of ship?’ Ryan asked.

They were in a circular room with stone walls. It looked like a cave, except there were panels set into the walls with flashing lights and a central console, similar to the one in the TARDIS’ control room, which was making a soft beeping and humming noise. 

‘Looks like it,’ Yaz said, moving around the console carefully. ‘I don’t recognise it. I don’t think we’ve met these guys before. I wonder how long they’ve been here for?’

‘Guys, look!’

Ryan ran towards a little table in the corner and held up the Doctor's coat, abandoned on the floor. It was grubby and stained with red and Yaz felt her heart sink. There were some stains of red you couldn’t mistake for anything else. 

‘Her sonic is still in the pocket,’ Ryan said, pulling it out and holding it carefully in his hand.

‘Poor love,’ Graham whispered quietly, catching sight of the chains attached to the wall. They were the same ones he’d seen wrapped around her wrist and ankle in the video and guilt shot through him like a bullet. She’d always kept them safe but when she’d needed them the most they hadn’t been there to protect her. 

‘What the hell?’

Ryan lifted up a circular device, like a crown, holding it warily in his hands. It was made of metal and had a central piece at the front of it, a silver disk covered in the same circular markings in the Doctor’s TARDIS. In fact, it almost looked a little like a - 

‘Fob watch!’ Graham blurted out. ‘That’s a fob watch! Like the Doc mentioned in her message.’

Yaz’s heart leapt into her chest and she took the crown out of Ryan’s hands, carefully plucking the fob watch from its cradle. It was warm in her hands and it seemed to hum to her. She ran her thumb across it, tracing the symbols whilst Ryan examined the crown.

‘Do you reckon this is that arch thing she mentioned?’ Ryan said to them. ‘The one her people use to change species?’

‘Maybe,’ Graham considered. ‘Do you reckon it could change her back?’

‘I wouldn’t like to try,’ Yaz said nervously. ‘That technology - it seems impossible. Who knows what we’d end up doing to her if we get it wrong? If it really completely changes your species we could end up turning her into a Dalek or who knows what else!’

‘What about the watch?’ Graham said, carefully taking it out of her hands. ‘She mentioned this in the video, didn't she?’

‘“ _ And if you find a watch - a fob watch - Nah. They won’t be that stupid”,’  _ Ryan remembered. 

‘Well they obviously are that stupid,’ Graham said, holding it up to the light. ‘I just wish I knew what she wanted us to do with it.’ He frowned, turning it over in his hands. ‘It feels - weird.’

Ryan held it, feeling the warmth through the metal and the gentle humming sensations it made against his palm. 

‘Yeah,’ he agreed. ‘It does.’

There was a noise, like a  _ zzz  _ sound and the three humans jumped as voices drifted from down the corridor. Ryan shoved the watch in his pocket and they hid as best they could under the table, pressing together as feet began to walk towards them. 

* * *

It was a busy Christmas Eve shift and Steph was starting to wish she’d paid attention to Yaz’s ‘pocket full of snacks’ suggestion. Every time she thought of Yaz she smiled, heat spreading through her and stomach twisting with butterflies. Their night together had been so wonderful she still could hardly believe it had even happened and she was hoping they’d be able to do it again. Sooner rather than later if that was an option.

She was still considering Yaz’s offer of Christmas Day dinner. She felt anxious at the prospect of seeing Ryan after the fool she’d made of herself but he’d been so kind to her, surely there wouldn’t be any judgement? She certainly didn't fancy coming home and sitting by herself on Christmas Day, not when the offer of a hot meal and good company - especially Yaz’s company - was on the table, and she was just considering if she had time to grab a Christmas present for Yaz when she was asked to see a new admittance. There had been a lot of turkey carving injuries that had required stitches that day and Steph was anticipating another festive-related fiasco. 

‘Morning! I’m Steph, one of the doctors. What can I do for -?’

She froze, all of her muscles suddenly become rigid as soon as she stepped behind the curtain. She tried to move, tried to blink, tried to do anything, but she was incapable of movement. 

‘It won’t last long, just try to relax,’ a voice said. 

Steph’s eyes widened in horror. The creatures in front of her was around six foot tall and vaguely resembled giant polar bears, except they both had three eyes and weren’t quite as wide. They were wearing faded grey jumpsuits and looked nervous, eyes flickering left to right as they made sure no-one else was going to disturb them. 

‘We had to check,’ one of them said in a gravelly voice. ‘We had to make sure you’re still human. We’ve never used a chameleon arch before, we’re unsure if it was used properly.’

Steph’s heart was starting to pound hard in her chest. She felt as though she’d met these creatures before, though she knew that wasn’t possible. A memory was straining against the front of her mind. Cold hands gripping her arms, chains around her limbs, burning pain like nothing she’d ever felt before starting at her temples before cascading downwards. 

One of the creatures gripped her hand and pressed the sharp point of a needle into the pad of her finger. It hurt but Steph couldn’t pull away, still powerless to move. The creature held out a small device and the blood splattered onto it, the machine beeping as it read the sample.

‘Still human,’ the creature said. ‘No change.’

‘Good. She shall not interfere.’

_ She’d had to leave a message, she’d had to warn someone about something. What was it? Something about an attack, something about the Christmas market. _

Steph’s mind was reeling and she felt sick the more she looked upon the creatures. There was pain through every nerve ending in her body and she had the sudden urge to run, to grab Yaz and disappear. Something bad was coming for them. Something evil. She was supposed to save them but she couldn’t. She couldn’t. Yaz was in danger. Ryan was in danger. They were all in -

‘You won’t remember this,’ the creature said, and as it pressed a small disk against Steph’s head everything went blank. 

* * *

Yaz, Ryan, and Graham hardly dared to breathe. The creatures were stood by the console now, a small disk in the paw of one of them. They looked like bears and Ryan couldn’t stop staring. They didn't look like the bad aliens they usually met, they appeared far too cuddly for one thing; though Ryan wasn’t stupid enough to try and pet one. 

‘Are you sure this is the right thing to do?’ one of the bears asked. Ryan could tell it was a female from the slightly higher octave it spoke in, especially when compared to the other bear who sounded more booming. 

‘Of course.’

‘She was in pain.’

‘She was fine.’

Yaz tucked her feet under the table when the male bear passed her by, desperate not to make a sound. Beside her, Graham and Ryan were both similarly trying to stay as still as possible, hardly even breathing as the sound of metal rummaging around on the table above them reverberated around the room. 

‘What we did to her was wrong,’ the female bear insisted, sounding upset. ‘She should be free to be with her people, not trapped on Earth for the rest of her life.’

Graham was frowning and Yaz could guess what he was thinking. 

_ Were they talking about the Doctor? _

‘Her people are dead,’ the male bear replied. ‘She has nowhere to go back to.’

‘What about her TARDIS? It’s vanished without a trace! What if it got back to Gallifrey? What if the Time Lords are onto us? What if -’

‘Hush, Simpa,’ the male bear said soothingly. ‘The Doctor is human, we are undiscovered, everything is going according to plan. Do not worry about these things. Everything is in hand.’ 

Graham looked ready to clamber out from under the table and smack the bear in the snout, and Ryan was having to hold him back with a firm hand on his arm. Whilst Graham vs a bear would be interesting to watch, there was no doubt in Yaz’s mind as to who would win. 

‘I was thinking, perhaps it would be kind to return her to her friends,’ Simpa said quietly. ‘When the time comes, I mean. If these are the last days of humanity, surely her friends should be allowed to say goodbye?’

Graham, Ryan, and Yaz froze in horror.

‘We cannot,’ the male bear said. ‘It is too great a risk. She would find a way to stop us.’

_ Last days of humanity?  _ Ryan mouthed at the other two. That didn't sound good. 

‘The fleet will arrive here soon,’ the male bear continued. ‘We must have the planet prepared and ready for them. The convertor is ready. We must begin.’

‘You’re right, Lerip,’ Simpa said, and the two bears converged around the console. ‘The convertor is charged, I shall begin the start up process.’

Her paws hovered over the buttons and she paused, looking down at them as a low humming sound began to fill the room.

‘If I do this,’ she said quietly. ‘Billions of people will die.’

‘And billions will be born,’ Lerip urged her. ‘It is a cycle of rebirth.’

‘It is genocide,’ Simpa replied, and Yaz felt horror and fear land like a stone in her stomach.

This is what the Doctor wanted them to stop, this is why she’d sent that message, this is why they’d turned her human. Yaz felt fury rise up in her like wave. They’d tortured her best friend so she wouldn’t be able to save the planet she loved. 

‘I’m sorry,’ Simpa whispered, paw hovering over the controls, and Yaz ran out from under the table and crashed into her, knocking her to the ground with a thud as the bear let out a confused yelp of pain.

‘Um, hi,’ Yaz said, standing up and stepping out of reach of those paws as Graham and Ryan came out of hiding and the two bears stared at them in disbelief. ‘Sorry to just barge in on you like that, but what exactly is going on?’

Lerip ran around the console and slammed his paw on the button Simpa had been just about to press. The lights dimmed and the console began to beep urgently. 

‘No!’ Graham yelled. ‘What did you do!’

‘What we had to,’ Lerip replied, head bowed. ‘This is the only way we can save our race.’

Outside, it began to snow.    


* * *

_ The Doctor sat on the stairs and waited, legs crossed neatly, hands playing with the rubix cube she’d found in her pocket. It was dark in the TARDIS, or at least darker than usual, and she was starting to think Yaz wasn’t coming. _

_ She threw the rubix cube across the room in frustration, wincing when it hit the wall with a crash, and stood up; walking in circles around the console as she tried to dispel her nerves. _

_ She hadn’t been  _ massively  _ surprised when Yaz had kissed her, though it had come as a bit of a shock. There’d been this thing between them for months now but the Doctor had never thought to act on it and the fact that Yaz had still surprised her.  _

_ She cringed inwardly as she remembered how she’d responded. Or rather how she  _ hadn’t  _ responded. Poor Yaz. She must be feeling awful. _

_ ‘Do you think she’s coming? She must have noticed that I'm still here,’ the Doctor asked the empty air, but the ship didn't respond.  _

_ The Doctor eyed the doors nervously, biting on her bottom lip. She didn't really want to disturb Yaz when she was with her family, but equally she’d been waiting for hours and was starting to feel sick. This couldn’t be how she left things, she  _ had  _ to speak to Yaz before she went. What if she didn't want to travel with her anymore? What if she thought the Doctor swanning back off into time and space was a rejection? Yaz was too kind to be treated like that.  _

_ Whether or not the Doctor was going to reject her was another question entirely, but she couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. _

_ ‘Fine, I’ll go find her,’ the Doctor told no-one in particular, grabbing her coat and shrugging it on as she stepped outside. It was cold and the air bit at her, climbing up her trousers and making her shiver. Perhaps she’d have a look for trousers that covered the rest of her legs in the wardrobe, especially considering Sheffield always seemed to have its own little microclimate that was so much colder than the rest of the planet.  _

_ ‘Doctor?’  _

_ A deep voice spoke from behind her and she turned round, jaw dropping open in surprise. _

_ ‘Oh!’ she said. ‘Hello! You’re a -’ _

_ But she never got to finish that sentence as then something solid impacted with the side of her head and she - _

* * *

‘Ow!’ 

Steph cursed as she hit the floor with a thud, notes falling from her arms and paper sliding across the floor as she rubbed at her head in annoyance. 

‘You alright in there?’ one of the nurses called, sticking her head round the curtain and raising an eyebrow when she saw Steph on the floor. 

‘Yeah, great,’ Steph muttered, gathering her notes and hauling herself upwards. ‘I was just -’

She frowned. What had she been doing again?

‘Mince pies at the nurses’ station if you fancy it,’ the nurse said, clearly used to Steph’s bizarre antics. ‘Better hurry before they’re all gone.’

Mince pies. That sounded ideal. 

‘Oh look!’ the nurse said, a grin spreading across her face. ‘Proper snow!’

Steph left her notes on the side and looked out the window. Thick, pure white snow was beginning to fall from the sky, leaving the ground in a fluffy blanket of the stuff. She stepped into the corridor, watching all the patients, families, and staff as they gathered around the windows together; gazing outwards happily. Snow at Christmas. Who’d have guessed?

There was something niggling at her though, something not quite right, and Steph stepped out into the car park; ignoring the cold as the snow landed in her hair and on her scrubs. 

She stuck her tongue out, tasting the flakes as it landed on her tongue.

‘You’re not snow,’ she said aloud. She paused, confused. Wasn’t it snow? Of course it was snow. What else would it be?

She pulled her phone out of her pocket, took a picture, and sent it to Yaz. Maybe she’d help her make a snowman later. 

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9th chapter on the 9th December hehe

Yaz hadn’t text her back.

Steph tried not to let that discourage her. She was probably busy. Maybe seeing family or doing some last minute Christmas shopping. That didn't stop her checking her phone every five minutes though. 

It hadn’t been too busy, though she’d stitched up more hands than she could count. Carving turkey was dangerous, there ought to be special mittens. 

It was still snowing hard, the whole of the city was covered by the time Steph left the department later that evening. Her bike was buried and she didn't dare ride it home. Some of the staff were planning on hankering down and staying in the hospital but Steph had no intention of doing that. She wanted to go home. Even if Yaz wasn’t free this evening she needed to get her a present and she took a shortcut through the Christmas markets, shivering as she passed the carousel. The snow was so thick her shoes sunk into it and her feet began to feel numb as her socks became soaked. They weren’t the most sensible of shoes, especially not to wear in the snow, but Steph knew what she wanted to get for Yaz and soon she had her present tucked into her bag and was making her way back to the flat, shivering as the snow pelted down around her. 

The city had ground to a halt and cars and buses were abandoned by the side of the roads, commuters taking refuge in shops. Even the homeless were off the streets and Steph hoped they’d managed to find somewhere warm to stay. As far as she’d been aware the forecast had been for rain, not snow, but the sky was almost pitch black and it showed no signs of stopping. Her heart tugged as she thought of all the travel plans that would be ruined. Only idiots would dare to drive in weather like this. Part of her was glad she’d be free from disappointment, except of course she really wasn’t.

After making sure her downstairs elderly neighbour was safe and warm, Steph went upstairs to her own freezing flat. The heating was out, the ancient boiler likely frozen, and she knelt in front of the old fireplace; considering setting it alight. She’d hadn’t been told explicitly  _ not  _ to, but then again - desperate times. 

She had firewood in there for display but now she set it on fire, kneeling in front of it and carefully creating a little pyramid out of paper to encourage the fire to burn. An extinguisher was close by, just in case, but after a few minutes she had a roaring fire and there was no sign of any smoke leaking out into the room. She changed into fluffy pyjamas and sat in front of it for a moment, warming her hands and feeling the life go back into her frozen feet.

Steph took Yaz’s present out of her bag and placed it under the Christmas tree, turning the lights on and watching them shine. It was a little tree, nothing extravagant, and she’d only bought it because she’d felt she had to but now Steph was feeling more festive she was glad of it. She traced the label bearing Yaz’s name, feeling heat spread through her veins at the memory of the night before, of Yaz’s lips against her neck, of her fingers curling inside her. 

Clamping her legs shut when she felt a rush of desire shoot through her, Steph filled up a glass of wine and dropped back onto the sofa; turning on the TV and flicking through the channels to find something suitably mind numbing to watch as she sipped her drink.

_ ‘Emergency broadcast.’ _

Steph froze with her thumb over the button to skip to the next channel. Emergency broadcast? What now?

The newsreader looked harassed, one fake eyelash hanging off as though she’d been made up in a hurry, and Steph frowned as a map of the world came up. It looked like the weather forecaster’s map except it couldn’t be accurate, the entire world was covered in snow. 

_ ‘We interrupt your regular viewing to bring you this important update,’  _ the newsreader said.  _ ‘We are receiving reports from across the globe of a freak weather storm causing traffic chaos and creating a risk to life. The whole planet currently seems to be affected and so far the weather shows no signs of stopping.’ _

Steph looked out the window at the snow continuing to fall. She had to agree. 

_ ‘Emergency services are out on the streets but the current guidance is to keep doors and windows locked. Make sure your heating is on and keep an eye on each other, especially those with children and elderly relatives. Currently weather experts are unable to ascertain where the storm originated, or indeed how long it will be continuing. Please stay indoors for your own safety.’ _

Steph pulled her phone out of her pocket but there was still nothing from Yaz. She fired off a quick text, asking if she was okay. The fire crackled but Steph still shivered, despite the heat it was emitting. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Obviously a freak snowstorm that was covering the continent of Africa in the stuff was definitely not normal, but she couldn’t help but think that she already knew this was going to happen? Impossible though she knew that was. 

_ ‘The police are advising you don’t travel. The roads are treacherous and the risk to life is high. Snow has reached depths of 20 inches in some places.’ _

_ It’s not snow. _

Steph didn't know why she knew that but she was sure she did. Whatever it was happening out there it wasn’t snow. It was more dangerous than that, more deadly. Something bad was coming. 

Her eyes drifted up to the present under her little tree, the lights catching the shiny paper and making it shine. 

She looked down at her phone again. Still no response from Yaz. 

Steph took a sip of her wine and watched the snow fall outside the window, huddled under her blanket. 

* * *

Three humans vs two bears was no match, but they’d still tried to put up a good fight and Ryan had the black eye to prove it. Yaz, Ryan, and Graham were currently stuck against the wall, wrapped in the same chains the Doctor had been in earlier, watching the ceiling above them. It was covered in so much snow there was no light shining through and the interior of the ship was even more dark and gloomy than before. The bears didn't seem to care though. They were both stood at the console, checking their equipment with their massive paws and muttering to each other. 

‘How did you know how to use that Time Lord stuff?’ Ryan asked, nodding at the chameleon arch on the table. ‘Can’t have been easy to figure out how to turn someone human.’ 

They didn't respond, continuing to fiddle with their controls, and Ryan rolled his eyes. 

‘Look. If I’m gonna be stuck in a cell on Christmas Eve you might as well tell us what’s going on. Maybe we can help.’

‘That’s what she said,’ Simpa said quietly, and Lerip scowled at her. 

‘Don’t,’ he warned. ‘We can’t trust her kind.’

‘Why?’ Yaz asked. ‘Of course you can trust the Doctor. We trust her with our lives.’ 

‘We did too, once,’ Lerip said. ‘Our kind fought alongside hers and they betrayed us. Never again.’

‘What? That doesn’t like like our Doc,’ Graham said, confused. ‘She tried to be nice to a Dalek.’

Lerip let out a barking laugh.

‘That I can’t believe,’ he replied. ‘The Oncoming Storm, that’s what the Daleks called her.’

Yaz, Graham, and Ryan exchanged uneasy looks. 

‘So, you know the Daleks too?’ Yaz asked slowly. 

‘There’s no-one in the universe who doesn’t know the Daleks,’ Simpa said, sounding sad. ‘The Time Lords are infamous for all the wrong reasons as well.’

‘But the Doctor's a good person,’ Graham protested. ‘I mean look at humanity! Some of us are good, some of us are bad, some of us are downright evil. I don’t think we’re ever met a race that have been 1000% one or the other - with the exception of the Daleks - and I bet you lot are the same. Please. Tell us what’s going on. It’s not like we can do anything stuck to this wall!’

He jangled the chains for emphasis and Simpa looked at Lerip. 

‘They deserve to know what their race are dying for,’ she said quietly, ignoring the immediate look of alarm on the faces of the three humans. 

Lerip ran a large paw over his face. 

‘Alright,’ he said quietly. ‘A long time ago, thousands of years ago in fact, our species - the Polarans - fought alongside the Time Lords, along with numerous other races, in the Last Great Time War; defending the universe against the Daleks.’

‘Who won?’ Ryan asked. 

‘No-one,’ Simpa replied. ‘Gallifrey was obliterated, along with our planet. We, along with a handful of colony ships, barely made it out of the system alive.’ 

‘Since then we’ve been looking for a planet to settle down on,’ Lerip continued. ‘We need somewhere new where we can start again, rebuild from the ground up and rescue what’s left of our race. Earth was the only obvious choice.’

‘Except there’s already a race that live here,’ Yaz said, too indignant to sound angry. ‘Us!’

‘That was taken into consideration,’ Lerip admitted. ‘But the risk of losing our race was too high. Sacrifices had to be made.’

‘But you know that’s genoice,’ Graham said, looking pointedly at Simpa. ‘You said it yourself. You’re about to do what the Daleks did to the Time Lords and commit planetary genocide.’

‘There’s been some debate about who it was that wiped out the Time Lords,’ Lerip said darkly. ‘Let’s just say there are a lot of things the Doctor keeps from her friends.’

‘She’s allowed to have her secrets,’ Ryan said, immediately sticking up for her. ‘But what you did to her was downright cruel.’

‘Giving her two months of happiness while we prepared our equipment was cruel?’ Simpa spoke up. ‘It was either that or kill her.’

‘Happiness???’ Yaz exploded. ‘She was in agony! She was destructive! She was  _ alone.’ _

‘And your morals are all over the place,’ Ryan yelled. ‘You wouldn’t kill one person but you’re happy wiping out an entire species?!’

‘To save another,’ Lerip shot back.

‘Mate, that’s not better!’ Graham said. ‘What about the human race? Don’t they matter?’

‘No,’ Lerip growled, and the humans were reminded that they were - essentially - arguing with a very dangerous animal, alien or not.

‘They matter to us,’ Yaz said darkly. ‘My family matters to me. My friends matter to me. The  _ human race matters to me.’  _

‘I’m sorry, honestly I am,’ Simpa said, and Ryan was shocked to realise she was crying. ‘I’m expecting cubs and they have no home. I cannot raise them on a ship. They need fresh air, a snowy landscape, sunlight.’

‘Sorry if I don’t congratulate you, considering you’re going to murder the rest of us for it,’ Graham glared at her.

‘So what’s with the snow? Why are you making it snow?’ Ryan asked. ‘Is that just what you lot are used to on your planet?’

‘Yes,’ Lerip replied. ‘But this snow also contains a special chemical. It is safe for our kind, but toxic to humans. When our colony ships are in range we will release the chemical into the atmosphere. The human race will be euthanized to make room for our survivors.’ 

‘It is kind,’ Simpa pleaded with them. ‘They will not suffer.’ 

‘Well whoopie for that,’ Graham said miserably. ‘I’m assuming this snow is worldwide then? Not just limited to Sheffield?’

Simpa pressed a control on the console and a screen flickered into life in front of them. Yaz, Graham, and Ryan watched in horror as the broadcaster reported on the freak weather conditions across the world. Nowhere wasn’t affected by the snow. 

‘What about all the people that are going to freeze in their homes tonight?’ Yaz asked quietly. ‘What about the homeless, the elderly, the sick? What about those who can’t afford central heating? Is freezing them to death  _ kind?’ _

The two bears didn't reply. 

* * *

Steph woke up in the night shivering under her blanket. 

It was pitch black and she’d fallen asleep on the sofa with the TV still on, but judging by the dead screen and the darkness in the room she assumed the power was out. The fire had burned out and she felt cold, a chill settled on her chest. 

She sat up, wrapping her blanket tightly around her shoulders as her numb fingers hunted through the kitchen drawer, eventually finding a small packet of matches. She lit as many candles as she could find and then hunted in amongst her wardrobe for some warmer clothes to wear. It was the middle of the night, only just gone 3am, and Steph draped warm coats and blankets over her arm as she carefully left the flat and padded down the stairs to check on her neighbour. Mrs Wilson lived alone and was a bit of a night owl by her own admission. 

Steph rapped lightly on her door and a soft voice from inside called her in. Mrs Wilson was sat in an armchair, blankets heaped up around her legs and at least four woolly hats perched on her head. 

‘Bit chilly, isn’t it dear?’ she said as Steph set up some extra candles around the living room for some light. 

‘Is a bit,’ Steph replied, tucking more coats around her. ‘Is your power out too?’

‘It’s been out for hours now, love,’ Mrs Wilson replied, looking out the window. ‘I don’t remember the last time we had a storm like this.’

Steph followed her gaze and her jaw dropped. She could hardly see out the window, it was so covered in snow that only a crack at the top remained. She could see the stars shining above them, so clear and beautiful it was obvious the power was out all across Sheffield. With the light pollution in the city she rarely got a view like that. 

Steph boiled a kettle on Mrs Wilson’s gas hob and made them both cups of tea. She found a hot water bottle and filled it up, settling down beside her neighbour as they sipped their drinks and watched the candles flicker in the gloom. 

‘Thanks for checking on me love,’ Mrs Wilson said kindly. ‘And Merry Christmas. My family was supposed to pick me up today, I’m not sure they’ll make it now.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ Steph replied, suddenly realising it was Christmas Day. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. Still nothing from Yaz and the battery was beginning to go. Without power she wasn’t sure how she’d charge it. 

‘Did you have any plans?’ Mrs Wilson asked. ‘You’re working, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah, if I can get to the hospital,’ Steph said, eyeing the snow. ‘I’ll end up sledding there at this rate.’

‘Not doing anything in the evening? Surely you must have a Christmas Dinner waiting for you somewhere.’

‘Well…’ Steph thought of the neatly wrapped present waiting upstairs under her tiny Christmas tree. ‘I was invited to a friend’s house for dinner, I think I’m gonna go.’

‘You definitely should,’ Mrs Wilson smiled. ‘I don’t like the thought of you sitting alone up there by yourself, especially not with the company you keep usually.’

She gave Steph a pointed look and Steph flushed. It hadn’t occurred to her that Mrs Wilson may have seen the stream of men and women she’d brought home over the past few years. Months. Weeks?

‘How long have I lived here now?’ Steph asked suddenly, frowning as she realised she didn't know.

‘Only a couple of months,’ Mrs Wilson replied, watching her curiously. 

_ Your life doesn’t make sense. _

Steph pressed against her neighbour, blanket drawn up to her chin and hands wrapped tightly around her mug of tea. Her mind was swimming and she sipped her tea to try and calm herself down. She remembered hardly anything about her life and the more she thought about it the harder it was for her to conjure up memories or images of anything prior to the last two months. When she’d been with Yaz things had seemed to make a bit more sense, bizarre though she knew that was, but now she was alone again she could feel herself starting to slip. 

‘Are you alright?’ Mrs Wilson asked gently, reaching for her hand under the blankets. ‘You’ve gone ever so pale.’

Steph curled against her, saying nothing as she watched the snow burying Sheffield. She needed Yaz. She needed her family. 

* * *

‘Do you still have the -’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan whispered. ‘It’s up my sleeve.’

The two bears were in another corner of the room, out of earshot as they fiddled with their equipment, and Ryan carefully moved his arm as quietly as he could in the chains until the sonic screwdriver slipped down his sleeve and into his palm. He’d managed to keep it hidden while the bears had chained them up and he could feel it warm and solid in his palm. He had no idea how to use it but it didn't seem too difficult. The Doctor just pointed extravagantly and hit the button. Nothing to it. 

‘What do you reckon we should aim it at?’ Graham whispered. ‘D’you think there’s a button on that console that will stop all of this?’

‘It’s rarely that simple,’ Yaz replied, pulling a face. ‘But maybe?’

‘I don’t fancy hitting that button again,’ Ryan said. ‘You know, the one that started this whole mess. It would probably make things worse.’ 

‘I wish the Doc had told us what to do,’ Graham said, leaning his face against the wall. ‘Her whole bloody message was so cryptic.’

‘Maybe we can’t fix it?’ Ryan said miserably. ‘Or maybe she didn't anticipate we’d be able to unravel all her little clues?’

‘Nah, I don’t believe that,’ Graham said, shaking his head. ‘It’s the Doc we’re talking about. She trusts us to get the job done. What was her last line? In the message?’

_ ‘“Thanks for being my fam. I’m gonna miss you”,’  _ Yaz repeated with a frown. ‘There was that thing about the TARDIS too, wasn’t there? About not wasting our energy? There’s still something wrong with that sentence.’ 

_ ‘“You’ll probably be wasting your energy”,’  _ Ryan said slowly. ‘Why doesn’t that sound right?’

‘It’s not the expression,’ Graham pointed out. ‘People don’t say wasting your energy they say wasting your breath. You’ll probably be wasting your breath.’ 

‘Energy!’ Yaz realised, wide eyed. ‘That’s the clue! That’s what the TARDIS needs to unlock!’

‘Seems a bit of a stretch,’ Ryan said with a frown. 

‘Her whole message was a bit of a stretch,’ Graham pointed out, rolling his eyes. ‘Not sure what she expects us to do though. Attach the cube to an exercise bike and get pedaling maybe?’

‘I don’t think we’re meant to use the TARDIS at all,’ Yaz said. ‘I think the TARDIS was a last resort option in case we can’t stop this lot destroying the human race. Somewhere to hide away in, I think.’

‘Speaking of,’ Ryan said, eyes narrowed as the two bears came over to them. 

‘Our ship will arrive in eight hours,’ Lerip said. ‘Once they are in range we shall detonate the chemical hidden in the snow.’

‘We’ve decided to let you go to be with your families,’ Simpa said quietly. ‘We will have to wipe your memories though, as a kindness.’

‘Don’t worry,’ Lerip continued, holding up a small disk in his paw. ‘You won’t remember any of this.’

‘Oh no you bloody don’t!’ Graham yelled, kicking his legs as the bear started to come towards them. ‘Ryan! Now, mate!’

Ryan hit the button on the sonic screwdriver and their chains fell off, hitting the stone floor with a clank. The three humans sprang to their feet, legs sore after being stuck on the floor for so long, and Graham knocked over the table as the bears raced towards them; sending equipment smashing on the floor and temporarily blocking the bears’ path.

‘How do we get out?’ Yaz yelled as they ran as fast as they could down the corridor to the spot they’d materialised in earlier. 

‘Do what the Doc does!’ Graham yelled at Ryan. ‘Point and press!’

Ryan did so and they felt the same sucking and pulling sensation, insides twisting as they were suddenly transported to the world above, blinking and dazed in the sudden light that assaulted their eyes.

The world was completely white. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Ryan does something questionable with the TARDIS


	10. Chapter 10

‘What the hell -’

Ryan trailed off, gazing around him. The Christmas market was almost completely buried and already his shoes were beginning to sink down into the snow; though he knew it wasn’t real snow, the bears had made that much clear. It was too hard and crisp to be snow and - despite the fact the little huts of the markets were only just poking out over the top of it - he found he was easily able to walk on it if he kept his feet moving meaning that fortunately sinking down into the powder didn't seem to be a risk due to how densely packed it was. The sky was grey, though the light indicated the sun was trying to shine down from somewhere, and in the distance Ryan could see other people moving about. There was already a couple of snowmen dotted about and he could hear the delighted shouts of children echoing around. 

‘How long were we in there for?’ Graham said quietly. ‘It can’t have been long.’

‘I think it might have been longer than we think,’ Yaz replied. She turned around but the carousel was half buried, only the big top poking out over the snow. She couldn’t see the bears and the three of them moved quickly, shoes crunching on the ground as they hurried away. It was difficult to see what direction they were going in and, as they headed towards where they thought was town, Yaz realised the street signs were completely obscured. 

‘What do we do?’ Ryan asked when they paused for breath, hidden behind the top of an abandoned double decker bus with a perfect view into the top deck. It had clearly been abandoned in a hurry, coats and scarves had been left on the seats. 

‘We need to make sure Steph’s okay,’ Graham said, rubbing his hands together for warmth. ‘Have you got her number, Yaz?’

‘Yes!’ Yaz said, pulling her phone from her pocket. Her face fell.

‘What?’ Ryan said. ‘What is it?’

‘She’s been trying to get hold of me,’ Yaz said, flicking through the messages. ‘She’s been trying to ring. She must have been so worried. She must have been so frightened!’

Yaz looked close to tears and Ryan quickly squeezed her arm reassuringly. 

‘Hey, it’s alright,’ he said softly. ‘Give her a ring now.’

But Steph’s phone went straight to voicemail no matter how many times Yaz hit the call button.

‘Where’s her flat?’ Graham said urgently. ‘Can we head over there?’

‘It’s 9am,’ Yaz realised. ‘She’ll be at the hospital, she’s working today. Oh god. It’s  _ Christmas Day.’ _

As if on cue, Yaz’s phone rang and she grabbed it in desperation but it was only her mum.

_ ‘Where are you?’  _ Najia said, sounding panicked.  _ ‘We woke up and you weren’t there! Have you seen the weather, Yaz? Please tell me you’re not out in it.’ _

‘I - I am, mum,’ Yaz whispered. ‘I’m out with Graham and Ryan.’

_ ‘You’re what?!’ _

‘Mum, I can’t come home right now,’ Yaz pleaded, turning away from the boys and rubbing her tired face with her hand. ‘I know it’s Christmas but the Doctor is in trouble. We’re all in trouble.’

_ ‘The Doctor?’  _

‘I can’t explain right now,’ Yaz urged. ‘I’ll come home, I will, but we have to fix this. We’re in danger.’

She hung up as Najia started screaming  _ if you’re in danger you come home right now  _ at her and turned back to Graham and Ryan, expression set into one of determination.

‘The Doctor said she managed to get the TARDIS back off the bears in her message,’ Yaz said. ‘She must have sent it to us for a reason, it can’t just have been for safe keeping. If it’s in defence mode surely the bears wouldn’t have been able to get into it either, so why did she sent it to us?’

‘Didn't you reckon earlier the TARDIS was only as an emergency option if we couldn’t stop them destroying the Earth?’ Graham said with a frown, then his eyes lit up. ‘Hold on! You might be right! They’re telepathic aren’t they? The Doc and her ship? Maybe she was able to leave another message for us!’

‘Where is it?’ Yaz urged. ‘Is it back at your house?’

‘No,’ Ryan said. ‘I’ve got it.’

He reached into his pocket and held out the TARDIS cube. 

‘If energy is the clue, then that’s what we’re gonna need,’ Yaz said, taking the cube from him and turning it over in her hands. ‘Lots and lots of energy.’

‘Where are we gonna get that from?’ Graham said. ‘It looks like the powers out everywhere.’ 

‘Hospitals have back-up generators, don’t they?’ Ryan remembered suddenly. ‘We must be able to get some power from there.’

‘Yes!’ Graham yelled enthusiastically. ‘And we can check on Steph at the same time.’ He paused, turning his head as he moved around in circles on the snow. ‘Um, any idea what direction the hospital is in?’

* * *

Steph woke up on the sofa as Mrs Wilson gently shook her awake. 

‘Come on, dear,’ she said softly. ‘You better get moving if you want to get to work. I’ve made you breakfast.’

Steph blinked as she sat up, rubbing her eyes in confusion. She’d been dreaming about Yaz again, but this time they’d been cuddling under a duvet after she’d gotten a cold from jumping in a lake. Twice. There had been witches involved in there somewhere as well. She checked her phone, completely dead. 

‘With four sugars, just the way you like it. Don’t make me say “I told you so” when you get diabetes,’ Mrs Wilson chuckled, placing a hot cup of coffee and a bowl of fruit down in front of her. 

‘Thanks,’ Steph said, smiling warmly as she tucked into her breakfast. It was very rare she actually ate anything in the morning and she wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and stood up, crossing to the window as she tucked into the fruit. 

‘It’s stopped snowing but I can’t get the front door open,’ Mrs Wilson said. ‘You might have to climb out your upstairs window.’

‘How thick is it?’ Steph said, shocked. ‘It must be at least seven feet high!’

‘I think it may be a bit higher than that, dear,’ Mrs Wilson said worriedly. ‘I managed to get a signal on the radio this morning before that went too. It’s worldwide, there isn’t anywhere that isn’t affected. Is this that global warming thing I keep hearing about?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Steph said, shaking her head. ‘I’m not sure if global warming could do this in one night.’

A crash sounded from above their heads and Steph’s head shot up. That had come from her flat. Someone had just broken a window. 

‘Stay here,’ Steph urged her neighbour as she ran for the door, throwing herself up the stairs and crashing through the door of her flat. 

Mrs Wilson’s youngest son, Trevor, blinked at her. 

‘Alright, Steph? Happy Christmas, sorry for the mess.’ 

Steph blinked back at him. He’d clearly tried to come in through the window but had broken the frame in the process and had fallen the rest of the way, knocking over her tiny tree and the standing lamp. Luckily, Yaz’s present was untouched. 

‘Is mum alright?’ Trevor asked urgently. ‘I couldn’t get in from downstairs. Is she warm enough?’

Mrs Wilson appeared in the doorway then, walking stick held aloft in front of her. 

‘You clumsy oaf! Look what you’ve done to her window!’

‘Alright, mum? Happy Christmas. Don’t worry, Steph. I’ll get some cardboard and we’ll sort your window out.’

* * *

30 minutes later, her coffee now in a travel mug and some cheese sandwiches neatly wrapped in kitchen foil tucked away in her bag (courtesy of her neighbour), Steph pulled her hat down, grabbed Yaz’s present and her phone charger, folded back the cardboard, and clambered out the window herself. 

It was just white as far as the eye could see. Others, like herself, were climbing out of their windows and children were running around yelling; snowballs whistling through the air as they played. Steph felt the snow beneath her feet, lifting her boots experimentally as she tested the density. She’d found them in her cupboard, a battered old pair she didn't think she’d ever worn before with a pair of striped blue socks tucked into them. They were sturdy against the snow, however, and as Steph began to walk she was glad of them. Her fingers toyed with the present in her pocket. She hoped Yaz was okay but there was no way of knowing with her phone dead. She knew the hospital had emergency power and hoped no-one would notice if she sneakily charged her phone, she was sure the rest of the staff would be doing the same. 

It was a long walk to the hospital and Steph was practically frozen by the time she actually arrived. Someone had clearly been busy during the night as the A&E doors had been dug out from under the snow, though there was no way ambulances were going to show up. They were probably still buried under the snow.

‘Steph! Thank god.’

Her colleague, another doctor called Julia, greated Steph at the door and threw her arms around her tightly.

‘I’m so glad you’re safe and that I’m not alone. The phone lines are down so we have no idea who’s where or who’s gonna make it in. Some of the staff stayed overnight. Oh! You poor thing you’re frozen. Come on, we’ve been warming scrubs on the radiators.’

Once she’d changed and was slightly warmer, Steph sneakily plugged her phone in to charge and went into Resus to join the rest of the skeleton team. There was a plate of mince pies on the nurses’ station and Steph helped herself to one as she checked obs charts. All the patients were stable, though they’d be in trouble if the backup generators failed. 

‘I doubt we’re gonna get any new admissions,’ one of the consultants said, rubbing his face with his hands. ‘So instead we need to concentrate on keeping the patients we have alive. Look after yourselves, put on more layers if you start getting cold. Keep your strength up and try to stay festive. We’re gonna have a good Christmas if it kills me.’ 

The rest of the morning passed pretty smoothly. The equipment stayed on and after cannulating, taking bloods, inserting chest drains and reviewing MRI results, Steph found herself having a cup of mulled wine at the nurses’ station with Julia, sans the wine.

‘Doesn’t taste the same,’ Steph said, pulling a face. ‘Kind of disgusting.’

Julia was watching the news, a live stream of cameras all across the world tracking the snow. It was horrifying.

‘So many people are going to die today,’ Julia said quietly. ‘I mean look at it! What could even do something like this? It can’t be a freak storm, freak storms don’t do this. There isn’t anywhere that isn’t buried. Do you reckon it’s aliens? There’s always aliens on Christmas Day.’

‘Maybe…’ Steph muttered quietly. She was starting to get a headache and at the mention of aliens cold fear gripped her again. Something bad was happening, some awful. She had to rescue her friends but she couldn’t - she  _ couldn’t  _ \- she -

She stood up, deciding to check obs again to keep herself distracted.

‘Steph!’

Then Yaz smacked into her and sent her flying. They landed in a heap on the floor with Yaz falling on top of her. She was soaking wet and freezing cold and her teeth were chattering. 

‘S-Sorry,’ she stammered, climbing off of Steph and shivering as she got to her feet. 

‘Hi,’ Steph said, too stunned to say anything else. ‘What happened? Why are you all wet?’

Ryan was stood behind her, along with another gentleman with soft eyes and a warm smile.

‘Hey, Doc,’ he said quietly, and Steph scronched her face in confusion at him.

‘My grandad, Graham,’ Ryan explained, holding out his hand and pulling her to her feet. 

‘Hey,’ Steph said, smiling at Graham who looked like he was about to cry. She turned to Yaz, concern across her features. 

‘What happened?’ she said. ‘You look blue! You all do!’

‘B-bit of a l-long w-walk in the s-s-snow,’ Yaz shivered. 

‘What did you do that for?’ Julia asked, appearing with blankets and handing them to the three sodden humans. ‘It’s chaos out there.’

‘We have a really important question to ask, couldn’t wait,’ Ryan said urgently.

‘What’s the question?’ Steph said, curious as to what would make them walk miles in the snow. 

‘How much energy does an MRI scanner produce?’ Graham asked, and Steph scronched again. 

‘Um - what?’

‘An MRI scanner,’ he repeated calmly. ‘We need to know how much energy it produces.’

‘Are you seriously telling me you walked for miles in the snow on  _ Christmas Day  _ so you could ask me the energy output of an  _ MRI scanner?!’  _ Steph said, thoroughly confused. 

‘B-basically,’ Yaz stammered, and Steph realised blood was soaking through Yaz’s coat, her face frozen and pale under a tangled mess of dark hair. 

‘You’ve torn your stitches,’ she said softly, reaching out to tuck Yaz under her arm. ‘Come on. I’ll sort you out.’

Yaz leaned into her, shivering under her blanket as her shoulder burned with pain. She’d suspected as much, her shoulder had ached something awful when it had been attached to the wall in the Polaran’s cell, but it was only now she was really starting to feel the burn from the open wound and her head felt a little woozy. The smell of Steph wasn’t helping either and all Yaz could think about was the flushed face that had lain beneath her, the quiet gasps she’d made, the feel of her lips soft against her own.

‘It depends on the scanner,’ Steph was telling Ryan and Graham. ‘They don’t really produce energy, but they use a lot of it. Our scanner uses 480 volts at 200 amps. It’s about enough to power six homes. Happy? Is this for a pub quiz or something, or do you seriously have nothing better to do?’

‘Can it be used to recharge a TARDIS?’ Ryan asked.

‘Yes,’ Steph replied, then she froze. ‘Um. Sorry, don’t know why I said that. What’s a TARDIS?’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ Graham said, though he was practically buzzing with excitement. ‘We’ll let you sort Yaz out. Um, Yaz? You alright, love?’

Yaz latched onto Steph as her head swan. She felt dizzy and exhausted and she felt Steph grab at her in response, tilting up her chin till Yaz was practically swimming in her green eyes. 

‘Hey, you still with me?’

‘Always,’ Yaz mumbled,strength leaving her, then she collapsed. 

* * *

She woke up barely seconds later with her head on Steph’s lap and her legs up and over Ryan’s shoulders. 

‘Yikes,’ she mumbled, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘That’s embarrassing.’ 

‘It’s really not,’ Steph told her gently, her eyes shining. There was pressure against her shoulder and Yaz realised Steph was holding gauze over it, stopping the flow of blood. 

‘Take it easy, love,’ Graham said softly, squeezing her hand. ‘You’re lucky the Doc caught you, you would have smacked your head on the desk otherwise.’ 

Yaz wanted to tell him to stop calling Steph  _ Doc,  _ before she realised Steph probably wouldn’t understand that he wasn’t calling her that because she was in scrubs and had a stethoscope around her neck. 

‘Feel better?’ Steph asked, eyes soft, and Yaz nodded. 

‘Come on, let’s get you up so Steph can sort your shoulder out,’ Ryan said, carefully putting her legs back down on the ground. 

Between Steph and Ryan, they slowly got Yaz to her feet and Steph led them to one of the empty clinic rooms, sitting Yaz down on the cot before disappearing to get her some food. 

‘Mate, you gave me a heart attack,’ Ryan told her. ‘Steph was a bit shocked too.’

‘Sorry, just tired,’ Yaz yawned, pressing her hands against her eyes. ‘I think I burned through all my energy reserves when we went on that walk.’ 

‘It was a bit of a long one,’ Ryan admitted. ‘Think you can distract Steph long enough for me and Graham to find the MRI scanner?’

Yaz pulled an exasperated face. 

‘Please don’t tell me you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking.’

‘Depends,’ Ryan replied. ‘If you’re thinking I’m planning on putting the TARDIS in an MRI scanner then you’re spot on.’

Yaz gauped at him.

‘You can’t put it  _ in  _ the scanner, it’s made of metal isn’t it?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Ryan frowned, pulling the cube out of his pocket. ‘It doesn’t really feel like metal.’

‘Ryan,’ Yaz said. ‘Please - and I cannot be more serious right now - do  _ not  _ put the TARDIS in the MRI scanner. The Doctor will literally kill you.’

‘Sorry, Yaz,’ Ryan said, shoving the cube back in his pocket as they heard Steph heading towards them. ‘But the Doctor isn’t here and Steph said it would work. Plus we’re running out of time. The bears said they’d detonate in 8 hours and that was at 9am which means we’ve got until 5pm and it’s just gone 2!’

Yaz shook her head, panicked. ‘I know but I’m really not sure  _ putting the TARDIS in an MRI scanner  _ is what she meant!’

‘Clean clothes,’ Steph announced, dropping a set of scrubs down beside Yaz. ‘You’re turning blue.’

‘I’ll leave you ladies alone,’ Ryan said with a wink at Yaz that luckily Steph didn't see. He mouthed  _ keep her busy  _ at her when Steph wasn’t looking and Yaz pulled a face at him. This wasn’t going to go well.

‘So,’ Steph said when the door was shut and they were alone. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi,’ Yaz replied, feeling her face flushing pink. ‘Sorry I didn't answer my messages. I was - um…’

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ Steph said gently, pushing a hot mug of tea into her hands. ‘If you wanted what happened with us to just be a one time thing that’s totally fine.’

‘What? No!’ Yaz blurted out. ‘No, that’s not what I want. Not at all.’

‘Really?’ Steph looked confused. 

‘Of course not, please don’t think that,’ Yaz begged. ‘Is that what you want?’

‘No!’ Steph said quickly. ‘No, I - I really enjoyed our night together.’

She’d turned bright pink and Yaz grabbed the front of her scrub top and pulled her down to kiss her, sliding her hands into short blonde hair to keep her still as Steph clung to her tightly, hands fisting in Yaz’s coat. 

‘I forgot to say,’ Yaz whispered when they broke apart, breathless and gasping. ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ Steph smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. 

‘Are you gonna help me get out of this?’ Yaz asked, holding up her wet sleeves. ‘I think it’s stuck to me.’

Steph swallowed hard but she slowly reached out and carefully pushed the wet fabric of Yaz’s coat from her shoulders, sliding it down her arms and abandoning it on the floor by their feet. Then came her jumper and top and Steph was extra careful to avoid pulling on her shoulder as she carefully helped Yaz manipulate her arm out of the sleeve, tugging off the material until Yaz was left in her bra with a messy wad of gauze taped over her shoulder. 

‘I hate getting out of wet jeans,’ Yaz complained, standing up and undoing her belt with one hand. ‘It’s impossible.’

‘Mmmhmm,’ Steph replied quietly, and Yaz noticed there was a pink flush spreading up her neck and face as she carefully shoved the material down Yaz’s legs, the denim sticking and resistant against her skin.

‘Here,’ Yaz murmured quietly, sitting on the edge of the cot and gripping the edges so Steph could pull a little harder. ‘Is that better?’

As soon as the trousers were off Yaz pulled Steph towards her again and kissed her once more, keeping her hands on slim hips as she carefully explore the inside of Steph’s mouth with her tongue. 

‘Yaz, I’m at work,’ Steph murmured as Yaz carefully untucked Steph’s scrub top and slid her hands up, making the other woman gasp loudly. 

‘Your hands are  _ freezing.’ _

‘Warm me up then,’ Yaz told her, pressing her lips against Steph’s neck as she pulled her scrub top up and over Steph’s head. 

‘We really shouldn’t,’ Steph said, looking uncertain. ‘The emergency bell could go off at any second.’

‘Please,’ Yaz begged, undoing the string cord around Steph’s scrub bottoms so she could reach a hand down past the flimsy material and stroke her through the material of her underwear. 

‘Hmuh,’ Steph gasped, pressing her face against Yaz’s neck. ‘I’m meant to be doing your shoulder, Yaz, stop - ah! - stop distracting me.’

Yaz stood, feeling hot suddenly despite her cold skin, and pushed Steph back against the door, reaching down to lock it. She wasn’t sure what had come over her, perhaps a combination of minor blood loss and hypothermia, but after seeing the Doctor's bloody coat and the chains that had kept her captive in the ship she was suddenly overcome with love for this poor, tortured woman. It wasn’t fair and, whilst Yaz was pretty sure she couldn’t reverse what had been done to her, she could at least make her feel like she was loved. 

She shoved Steph’s trousers down her legs, sank to her knees, and pulled aside the fabric of her underwear, latching onto her clit and sucking hard. 

Steph made a weird noise and when Yaz looked up she realised Steph had shoved her hand in her mouth to stop her from crying out. 

She was soaked between her legs and when Yaz reached up to slide two fingers slowly into her Steph bucked her hips against Yaz’s face and let out a sigh so soft Yaz longed to gather her up in her arms and hold her. God knows when the last time the Doctor got affection like this was, unless she snuck off to get laid whenever she dropped the fam back in Sheffield (though Yaz doubted it), but Steph was clearly very receptive to physical touch and it didn't take long before she was bucking silently against Yaz, fingers tangled in Yaz’s hair as she shuddered through her climax and dropped, boneless, to the ground as Yaz removed her fingers and sucked them clean. 

‘You minx,’ Steph panted, dragging Yaz against her to kiss her again and tasting herself on Yaz’s lips.

‘That’s all you’re getting from me for Christmas,’ Yaz joked, and Steph smiled against her.

‘I actually got you something little,’ she admitted, ‘but I’d rather give you this first.’

She gently pushed Yaz back against the floor and got between her legs, dragging down her underwear and nestling herself in between her legs as her tongue, fingers, and lips made mincemeat of her. It was more rushed than it had been a couple of nights ago, though Yaz knew that was a given considering they were literally at work on the floor of a hospital, but it was no less good and Yaz arched her back as she came, clenching hard around Steph’s fingers barely minutes later. 

Her shoulder burned and Steph noticed the wince as she kissed over-sensitive flesh gently and helped Yaz to stand, grabbing the dry scrubs for Yaz to pull on over her bare skin. 

‘Now will you let me sort out your shoulder?’ she asked softly once they were both presentable. 

Yaz only smiled at her and settled back on the cot as Steph washed her hands and dug out the necessary equipment, cleaning the blood from Yaz’s shoulder with a saline-soaked piece of gauze. 

‘This is going to sting a little,’ she said, holding up a syringe with a needle attached. ‘But you don’t want to have stitches without having local anaesthetic first.’

Yaz looked away and tried to keep still as she felt the burning from the anaesthetic press under her skin. Steph was gentle though and Yaz occupied herself by eating the biscuits and drinking the tea she’d brought her, fluttering aftershocks still traveling up from between her legs every now and then.

‘Graham,’ Steph said after a moment’s pause. ‘That’s Ryan’s grandad, right? That is what he said?’

‘Yeah,’ Yaz replied, munching on the biscuit. ‘He’s his step-grandad really but treats him like family, it’s cute.’

She could feel occasional tugging at her shoulder but no pain and she turned to watch Steph as she carefully sewed the edges of the wound back together, her stitches small and neat. 

‘Was it him that invited me for Christmas dinner?’ Steph asked, inspecting her work.

‘Yeah,’ Yaz said. ‘That offer still stands, by the way, although I’m not sure if it’ll actually  _ be  _ Christmas dinner. Probably whatever he’s got in the cupboards. You coming?’

Steph finished her sewing and pressed a fresh dressing against the wound before kissing Yaz’s cheek softly, peeling off her gloves.

‘Try and keep me away,’ she said with a smile and Yaz was just about to kiss her again when -

An almighty  _ boom  _ shook the room and Yaz yelped as Steph fell on her and pinned her back against the wall, shielding her with her body as dust rained down from the ceiling and left Steph’s blonde hair with streaks of grey in it. 

‘What the fuck was that?’ Steph yelped, a protective arm around Yaz’s shoulder as she unlocked the clinic door and stuck her head into the corridor. It was chaos. The few staff that had made it in were all running and the fire alarm was blaring above their heads, though mercifully Yaz couldn’t smell smoke. 

‘Stay here, Yaz,’ Steph urged, letting go of her. ‘I’ll be back.’

She ran off down the corridor but of course Yaz, who knew exactly what had caused that noise, followed close behind her; not at all surprised when the corridor emerged into a room with a large sign above the door reading ‘MRI.’

Steph shoved the door open and there, both looking slightly sheepish and a bit guilty, was Ryan and Graham.

Behind them, lodged in the destroyed remains of a once fully-functioning MRI scanner, was the TARDIS. Big, blue, and beautiful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was defo my favourite chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thiiiiiiiink this is the penultimate chapter. Unless I decide to shove a massive plot twist into the next chapter which honestly I might do cause I'm me and I can't stop.

‘In my defence,’ Ryan said quickly when he saw Yaz’s flabbergasted expression. ‘It worked.’ 

‘That’s not a  _ defence,’  _ Yaz spluttered. 

‘Don’t ask for permission ask for forgiveness,’ Graham said quickly. ‘Sorry, Doc. For destroying your - oh shit! Catch her, Yaz!’

Yaz spun round just in time to catch Steph as she stumbled back, her face devoid of colour and eyes wide as she stared in horror at the newly restored TARDIS. She reached out, hands grasping hold of Yaz’s arms as she began to fall. 

‘Is that - is -’

‘Hey, you’re alright,’ Yaz said, manhandling Steph backwards against the wall so she had something to support her.

‘Wait, do you know what that is?’ Ryan asked excitedly. ‘Do you recognise it?’

‘Steph! What the hell was that noi-  _ oh my god.’ _

Julia and a handful of the staff appeared in the doorway, staring in shock at their destroyed MRI machine. The TARDIS had rematerialised straight through the middle of it, destroying both the top of the machine and the bottom. The Doctor really wasn’t kidding when she bragged about how strong her ship was. 

‘Yaz,’ Steph whispered, grabbing at Yaz’s top. ‘Please tell me you’re safe.’

‘Of course I’m safe. Why wouldn’t I be?’ Yaz lied, brushing Steph’s hair away from her face. She was pale and half out of it, barely supporting her weight against the wall, but she had a death grip on Yaz’s top. 

‘I just keep having these horrible dreams,’ Steph mumbled. ‘And I can’t shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen.’

Julia and some of the other staff were examining the TARDIS, staring up at the ceiling, then at the door, then at the floor. It was clear they were trying to work out where it had come from, especially considering the doorway wasn’t wide enough for it to fit through. Graham and Ryan had conveniently disappeared and Yaz suspected they were inside already. 

‘Nothing bad is going to happen,’ Yaz said soothingly. ‘I’ll keep you safe, I promise.’ She took Steph’s arm and pulled her out into the corridor, sitting her down on the floor and pulling her close with an arm around her shoulders. Now out of sight from the TARDIS, Steph seemed to perk up a little; though her shoulders were shaking.

‘My life doesn’t make sense, Yaz,’ she whispered. ‘Nothing about it made sense until you found me and then things became a little less confusing. But that box, Yaz. I’ve been  _ dreaming  _ about that box. How is that possible? I keep thinking that I know you, that we’ve met before, but that can’t be right. Even Graham and Ryan look weirdly familiar.’ 

She looked so upset, so heartbreakingly broken, that all Yaz could do was hold her tight and kiss her forehead. She didn't know what to say. She had no comfort she could offer her. Maybe Steph would believe the truth but equally maybe she wouldn’t. Yaz found herself hating the Doctor in that moment. Why hadn’t she told them how to change her human self back? Could it just not be done?

‘Listen to me,’ Yaz said gently, resting her head against the top of Steph’s as the other woman curled against her. ‘There’s something I need to do, something important, but then I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you why you dream about that box, I’ll tell you why meeting me made things less confusing, I’ll tell you all of it. But I need to do something first.’

‘So we have met before?’ Steph asked, her eyes wide. ‘You and Ryan and Graham? We’ve all already met.’

‘Yes,’ Yaz told her. ‘We’ve all met before. But there’s something I urgently need to do and then I’ll come back and you never have to be alone ever again, I swear.’

‘Yaz,’ Steph said quietly, her eyes soft. ‘I don’t know what I did to deserve you.’

‘It’s the other way round, but you’ll understand why soon,’ Yaz replied, kissing her so soundly she felt dizzy when she pulled away. 

She helped Steph to stand on shakey legs and pressed another kiss against her pale cheek, squeezing her hands tightly. 

‘I won’t be long,’ she said, then she let go and walked straight through the MRI room (or what was left of it) and into the TARDIS. As soon as she placed her hand on the handle the door swung open with that gentle creak and Yaz was inside, the ship humming around her as it welcomed her in.

‘Yaz,’ Ryan said, a wide smile stretched across his face. ‘Someone wants to say hi.’

There, stood at the console, her form shimmering in blue light, was the Doctor. 

‘Hiya, Yaz,’ the Doctor said, her smile as bright as the stars. 

* * *

Steph’s head was aching and she necked down a bottle of water, wiping her chin when the liquid dribbled down onto her scrub top. Her thoughts were all over the place. She didn't know what to do, she wasn’t even sure she knew what was  _ real  _ anymore, and she locked herself in the same clinic room she’d been in with Yaz only minutes earlier, sinking down against the floor and pressing her face against her knees. 

Everything she knew, everything she  _ thought  _ she knew, was it all a lie? Was there a part of her she’d forgotten about? She knew she must have met Yaz before, from the moment she saw her in A&E bleeding on the trolley she’d known, but how was it possible she could have had such a strong reaction to her yet not know why? Ryan too, she’d known his name in the club before he’d even told her what it was and Graham had sparked a twinge of recognition as well; soft eyes and a gentle voice. She’d been searching for her family for so long now, was it possible she’d just found them? 

Steph washed her face in the little sink in the corner and took a deep, shuddering breath. She was okay. She was safe. Yaz was here and whatever it was she’d been frightened about was obviously under control. She picked up Yaz’s wet clothes from the ground, face flushing as she remembered the heat that had pooled between her legs at the sight of Yaz’s soft skin as she’d unpeeled her, and began to hang up various articles of clothing, laying Yaz’s sodden jeans over the radiator and her t-shirts over a chair.

She bent to pick up her coat and something fell from the pocket, landing on the floor and spinning a few times before finally slowing to a stop.

Steph bent down to pick it up, frowning as the smooth disk in her palm hummed against her skin. 

It was a fob watch. 

Steph ran her thumb across the markings, face scronched in confusion. It was beautiful, heavy, and warm in her hand. It seemed to vibrate at her touch and Steph was just about to open it when an ancient, grinding sound drifted down the corridor. It was a noise that made her heart beat quickly in her chest, her body singing as she ran back out and raced towards the MRI scanner. This was a noise she loved, this was a noise that brought joy to her heart. 

She burst into the MRI room just as the blue police box faded from view, leaving a destroyed MRI machine and several confused members of staff in its wake.

* * *

Yaz stared, her heart pounding. It was the same Doctor as she’d appeared to them in her video, coat torn, face bloodied, hair a mess. She was smiling though, and her eyes were shining. 

‘She’s a hologram,’ Graham explained. ‘A voice - what was it again, Doc?’

‘Voice interface,’ she told him cheerily. ‘I’m me, but I’m also  _ not  _ me. Meception. I love that film, totally didn't see that ending coming.’ 

‘She’s even as scatterbrained as the real thing,’ Ryan pointed out.

‘Oi!’ the Doctor protested indignantly. ‘I  _ am  _ the real thing. Sort of. I’m as me as you’re gonna get right now. Not that you need me, obviously.’ She beamed, eyes full of pride. ‘Look at you lot,’ she said. ‘The fact that you’re here at all is obviously amazing. I couldn’t be prouder of you.’

Yaz could only smile at her, though her heart was breaking. 

‘What do we do then, Doc?’ Graham asked. ‘We can’t go back out there, the hospital staff are fuming.’

‘Why?’ she asked, confused. 

‘We put the TARDIS in the MRI scanner to recharge it,’ Ryan said. 

Her jaw dropped. 

‘You did  _ what?!’ _

‘You didn't exactly give us a better idea!’ Graham protested. ‘It was the only thing we could think of! Especially with the power out everywhere.’

_ ‘You put my TARDIS in a MRI scanner.’ _

‘Told you she’d be mad,’ Yaz chuckled quietly. 

‘Well what would you have suggested?’ Graham glared at her. 

‘A microwave!’ she said, arms up as though it was obvious. ‘Or a toaster! Or an oven! It doesn't have to be a lot of energy, the TARDIS only needed a tiny bit to break the quantum lock on the doors!’

‘You should have said that then!’ Graham said, annoyed.

‘I couldn’t! Why do you think I left you all those clues?’ she said, still clearly cross. ‘I couldn’t risk the Polarans intercepting the message.’

‘Can you two knock it off for a sec,’ Ryan said, rubbing his face. ‘And strictly speaking, Doctor, it was my idea to put the TARDIS in the MRI scanner.’

_ ‘Ryan.’ _

‘I panicked!’

‘Yaz? You’re being quiet?’ the Doctor said, though her voice was a little gentler. 

‘She tried to talk me out of it,’ Ryan said quickly, and Yaz’s heart swelled a little.

‘Well I guess we all know who’s got the collective braincell when I’m not here then, don’t we?’ the Doctor said. 

‘We’ve got two hours, Doc,’ Graham pointed out. ‘What do we do about all this killer snow?’’

‘Easy,’ the Doctor said, then the lights dimmed. ‘Oh. Well, I say easy. Would have been easy except  _ someone fried the circuits by putting my TARDIS in a MRI scanner.’ _

‘I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?’ Ryan asked, face in his hands. 

‘No, you’re not,’ the Doctor told him, walking around the console and pointing at a lever. ‘First things first, we’d better get  _ out  _ of the scanner. Someone pull that. We’ll materialise outside.’

Ryan was closest so he pulled the lever and a few moments later the familiar groan of the engines sounded as the ship began to judder from side to side. The Doctor darted from button to button, pointing at things for her friends to press, and it took Yaz a few moments before she realised  _ she was flying the TARDIS.  _ It was an incredible feeling, knowing that at that moment she was  _ flying  _ a  _ time machine.  _ The Doctor rarely let any of them have a go at flying her precious ship. Pulling a lever or pressing the odd button was usually all they were allowed to do; but as the ship rocked around them and the engines groaned and creaked Yaz felt a thrill spreading through her. She was flying the TARDIS. This was without a doubt the coolest moment of her life so far.

There was a thud and Ryan ran to the door to make sure they’d landed where the Doctor thought they would, and not on some random alien planet billions of miles away. Amazingly, they were parked just outside in the A&E car park; or what would be the car park if it wasn’t buried under metres of snow. 

‘We’re actually outside!’ Ryan said in astonishment, and the Doctor made an exasperated noise at the console.

‘Well obviously,’ she said with a roll of her eyes. Then she flickered and the lights dimmed alarmingly. 

‘What was that?’ Graham yelped as the hologram held up her hands, frowning at them. 

‘That’s what happens when an extremely powerful magnet is used to unlock the TARDIS,’ she said, with a pointed look at Ryan. ‘The old girl needs to repair herself but she can’t right now, we need to reverse the effect of the snow.’

‘How do we do that?’ Yaz asked urgently. 

‘Easy! We melt it!’ the Doctor said cheerily. ‘They’re in a refugee ship, it’s hardly top of the range. If we melt the snow, they won’t be able to do it again. We’d better get a shift on though before the TARDIS boots you lot out. This is gonna get a bit sparky. Have you got my sonic?’

Ryan nodded, pulling it out of his pocket.

‘Right then,’ the Doctor said, face set in grim determination. ‘Pay attention. We’re only gonna get one shot at this.’

* * *

It took an hour for the three humans, under the watchful eye of their holographic alien friend, to set up the TARDIS correctly and the power had dimmed so low the Doctor was barely visible once the work was complete. It was also half past 4 and Yaz was starting to get nervous. In less than 30 minutes the snow would detonate and it would be the end of humanity. 

‘Right, I think we’re good to go,’ the Doctor said, peering at the console. Her voice was teeny, the TARDIS clearly struggling to project her and maintain enough power to do - whatever it was it was going to do - with the circuits so damaged. 

‘Now what?’ Graham asked, wiping his arm across his sweating forehead. Air conditioning had been one of the first luxuries to go, with the Doctor pointing out it was either that or death by asphyxiation as the oxygen tank ran dry. 

‘Get outside and point the sonic at the light on the roof. The TARDIS will do the rest,’ she told them, ushering them out of the room as she flickered again and the console began to emit a low humming sound, the lights dimming even more as the sound of something powering up came from deep within the bowels of the ship. 

‘Wait!’ Yaz yelled suddenly, pausing with one foot out the door and turning back to face her.

The Doctor tilted her face at her, expression soft. 

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ she said calmly. ‘I have absolute faith in you.’ 

‘No, it’s not that,’ Yaz said, her heart breaking as she noticed one of the Doctor's eyes was bruised. It was easier to see now they were next to each other and Yaz longed to reach out and hold her. 

‘We’re running out of time, Yaz,’ the Doctor said gently, though there was urgency in her voice. 

‘How do we change you back?’ Yaz blurted out. ‘How can we make you  _ you  _ again?’

‘You might not be able to,’ the Doctor warned her gently. ‘Unless you found a watch in their ship?’

‘Yes! A fob watch!’ Yaz blurted out, and the Doctor's eyebrows shot upwards in surprise.

‘Seriously?! Easy then, get me to open -’

Then the power failed and she vanished.

‘No!’ Yaz screamed, reaching for her as Ryan grabbed her arm and dragged her out in the snow; the TARDIS doors slamming shut in front of her as the ship started to hum and vibrate urgently.

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ he said, pulling her back as Yaz tried to run back inside. ‘We’ll figure it out.’

‘But there is a way!’ Yaz cried. ‘There is a way to change her back!’

‘We’ll work it out,’ Ryan said soothingly. ‘Now come on, let’s see what all that engineering work was about. Ready?’

He directed this last question to Graham who only nodded, sonic held aloft and aimed at the light flashing blue on the roof.

‘Hopefully nothing explodes,’ Graham muttered, and he hit the button.

Instantly, a stream of intense blue light shot up into the air as the blue box shuddered and shook. The light went up so high Yaz could hardly see the end of it, but it had clearly hit the clouds as a few moments later storm clouds began to gather and a few seconds after that the clouds turned black and rain began to pelt down on them, soaking them all to the skin. 

‘All that just to get drenched!’ Graham yelled indignantly. 

‘No, look!’ Ryan said, pointing at the ground.

The snow was beginning to melt.

Yaz wobbled, losing her balance as the ground began to fall away from under her. Inches of snow was vanishing, melting so quick Yaz was sure she’d dropped about two feet in a matter of seconds. She clung onto Ryan and Graham, holding one arm out for balance until her feet landed on solid concrete and the abandoned shapes of cars, ambulances and bikes appeared from under their icy prison. 

In a matter of minutes, the snow had vanished to the point where it was impossible to tell it had ever been there.

The blue light vanished from the police box and the TARDIS’ hum lowered as the ship powered down, eventually fading away into nothing and leaving the three humans thoroughly soaked but full of relief.

‘Ten to five,’ Graham said with a low whistle. ‘We really cut that one close.’

‘What the -’

Steph emerged from the hospital, staring around in disbelief. There was no trace of the snow, only abandoned vehicles and bags left littering the otherwise empty car park. The sky was grey and cloudy and rain was still falling, though not as aggressively as it had been only a few moments before. 

Yaz ran to her and threw her arms around her slim frame, hugging her tightly. Even after being beaten and captured, the Doctor thought of everything. 

Other patients and staff were beginning to walk out of A&E, smiling and laughing as they were once again able to walk on solid ground. Already Yaz could hear sirens in the distance and she rested her chin on Steph’s shoulder, clinging to her as she watched happy people run around, shouting and laughing. 

‘You okay?’ Steph whispered, tucking her arms around Yaz’s waist. They were pressed so closely together Yaz could hear her heart thumping and could smell the coconut scent in her shampoo. She could see Graham and Ryan watching them, both men stood next to the TARDIS, and she only sighed and pressed her face against the side of Steph’s neck.

‘Don’t leave me,’ she begged quietly. ‘Please.’

‘Yaz…’

Steph pulled away, cupping Yaz’s face in her hands softly. Her eyes were warm and her smile was gentle and so like the Doctor that Yaz wanted to cry. 

‘I’m never going to leave you,’ Steph said softly. ‘I don’t think I could if I wanted to.’ She shuffled her feet, looking nervous all of a sudden. ‘Are you still gonna explain my life to me?’ she asked quietly. ‘Are you still going to tell me why nothing makes sense?’

Yaz kissed her so slowly Steph felt her toes curling in her shoes at the sensation. It was cold and Yaz was soaked through once again but Steph felt nothing but heat flood through her, warmth spreading through her chest as she curled her fingers in Yaz’s hair. 

‘You wanted your family,’ Yaz smiled at her when she eventually pulled away. ‘Come say hi.’

They crossed the car park hand in hand and Steph reached out to run her fingers along the wood of the police box once it was close enough, gazing at it in wonder. 

‘I’m not gonna kiss you, if that’s alright,’ Graham said, folding Steph into a tight hug. 

‘Neither am I,’ Ryan agreed, before doing the same. 

‘So, I know you,’ Steph frowned. 

‘Yeah, you do,’ Ryan said. ‘It’s weird, a truly bizarre situation, but we can try and explain it to you if you want.’ 

‘It might not make sense though,’ Graham warned her. 

‘Do I have amnesia? Is that it?’ Steph asked. 

‘Yeah, sort of,’ Ryan said, pulling a face. ‘It took us a while to find you.’

‘We’re so sorry you were alone,’ Yaz whispered. ‘That was my fault.’

Steph only looked at her in confusion as Graham and Ryan instantly let out a chorus of protests, arguing against that statement as loudly as they could.

‘Wait! What about the bears?’ Ryan suddenly said, eyes wide. ‘Even if the snow isn’t going to detonate, the ships are still coming.’

‘Wait, what?’ Steph said, that familiar frown line appearing between her eyebrows. ‘Bears? Ships?’

‘We’d better go check on what’s going on,’ Graham said. ‘Grab your coat, Yaz. Steph, gimme your hand, love.’ He pulled a pen out of her top pocket and scribbled his address onto it whilst Yaz dashed back into the hospital to retrieve her coat. ‘Come round after your shift, I’ll dig some food out the cupboards for Christmas dinner,’ he said, smiling at her. ‘Not sure what it’ll be, I might have some soup somewhere.’ 

‘I can’t wait,’ Steph smiled, her eyes shining.

‘We’ll explain everything then,’ Ryan said. ‘Just - keep an open mind, yeah?’

Yaz returned and, after giving Steph another lingering hug, the three of them ran off. 

And if Steph suspected they’d hot wired a car on the way through the car park - which she was about 80% sure of - she didn't say anything.

* * *

The ship was gone. 

The carousel was dripping wet, as was the rest of the Christmas market, and Yaz, Ryan, and Graham were able to hit the lopsided sign as many times as they wanted, repeatedly whacking it with their palms but nothing happened. No shock, no teleport. Nothing. Ryan tried scanning it with the sonic but with no joy. Even if he was able to read the tiny alien scanner, he doubted it would have told him what he needed to know. 

‘Looks like they packed up and left,’ Graham said as the three of them stood in the darkening sky. ‘Maybe they’re looking for another planet to commit genocide on.’

‘That’s not better,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘We should have been able to hold them here, to stop them.’

‘And how were we gonna do that?’ Ryan said gently, gesturing at his still swollen eye. ‘They would easily have been able to overpower us.’ 

‘I feel like we’ve let the Doctor down, even if we did save the planet,' Yaz said quietly, climbing up onto a horse and sitting there glumly, trying to ignore the water seeping into the thin fabric of her scrub trousers. ‘I’m still not sure how we’re meant to get her back either.’ 

Graham and Ryan exchanged a look.

‘Um, Yaz,’ Graham said gently, sitting backwards on another horse so he could look at her. ‘Me and Ryan were having a discussion about that, you know, just before we destroyed a fully functioning MRI scanner.’

Yaz frowned. ‘A discussion about the Doctor?’

‘No, about you,’ Ryan said softly, joining the two of them in sitting on a horse. It was just the three of them there and the market was dark, water still dripping down from the roofs of the little wooden huts. 

‘We know you had feelings for the Doctor,’ Graham said gently. ‘I mean a blind man could see it. And we know you have feelings for Steph too, I mean we knew it already but you really gave the game away when you snogged her in the car park.’ 

‘We don’t want you to get hurt,’ Ryan said, as carefully as he could when Yaz’s face flushed. ‘And I know you want to get the Doctor back and obviously we all want that but - well…’ he looked down at his legs, tugging at the material of his gloves nervously. ‘Yaz, the Doctor didn't - she’s not -’ he pulled a face and looked at Graham for help. ‘How was it you put it?’

‘She’s not very in touch with her feelings,’ Graham said bluntly. ‘Steph is. That’s the biggest difference between the two of them. If you ignore the fact that one's an alien and one’s human.’

‘Steph reciprocates,’ Ryan said. ‘The Doctor doesn’t. I mean I’m not saying she  _ won’t  _ if she comes back but- well, she might not, Yaz.’

‘I know,’ Yaz whispered quietly. ‘But I think, even if I could have a happy life with Steph, I think the universe needs the Doctor more than I do.’

Graham looked like he wanted to disagree, but he only looked down at the ground instead. 

‘I overheard what she said to you,’ Ryan said. ‘When you asked her how to change back. She mentioned the fob watch, right? Maybe that’s why she didn't think the bears would leave it lying around, maybe it’s the key to getting her back. Do you still have it? I think the end of that sentence was going to be:  _ get me to open the watch.’  _

‘Yes!’ Yaz said, shoving her hand in her pocket. She froze, terror seizing her as she realised the watch had gone. She tore off her coat, shaking it and dangling it upside down but to no avail, the watch had gone.

‘I’ve lost it,’ Yaz whispered, too broken to even cry. ‘It must have fallen out of my pocket when we were on the ship. I’ve lost her.’

Graham put a comforting hand on her shoulder and they sat in silence for a moment, cold air whistling through the markets. After a few seconds the power came back up, the sound of the lights all the way across Sheffield and beyond thunking as generators came back online and the carousel lit up in bright colours once more. 

‘Happy Christmas,’ Graham said softly. ‘Come on, let’s see what we’ve got in the cupboards.’

* * *

The streets were packed with families when Steph left A&E that evening, finding her bike now defrosted and ready to go. The lights were back on and Christmas trees shone through windows as she zipped through the roads, her head full of Yaz. Graham had given her his address though she didn't need it, it was the same house she’d dropped Yaz off at only the day before and she still remembered her way back. In fact, the more she thought about it, she was sure she’d been there numerous times but didn't want to think about that right now.

She parked outside the house and walked up to the door, twisting her hands nervously. She could tell they were in, the lights were on and a Christmas tree shone brightly through the window. She knocked on the wooden door, checking Yaz’s present was still firmly tucked in her coat pocket. 

Yaz opened it, her eyes red rimmed. 

‘Yaz?’ Steph said softly, reaching out for her. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘It’s nothing,’ Yaz said, plastering a fake smile on her face. ‘Happy Christmas, come on in. We’ve managed to find enough for a Christmas dinner after all.’

Steph hung up her coat and took off her boots, transferring Yaz’s present to the pocket of her jeans instead as she followed Yaz into the living room. Another feeling of deja vu hit her when she looked at the comfortable sofa Ryan was sat on but she ignored it and instead smiled at Graham when he pressed a glass of wine into her hands. 

‘Merry Christmas,’ he told her, kissing her cheek gently. ‘Come in, sit down. Dinner won’t be long.’

‘Was the rest of your day okay?’ Ryan asked her as Steph sat beside him, Yaz joining her and squeezing her hand tightly. 

‘Yeah, fine, until they saw the MRI scanner,’ Steph admitted. ‘No-one was really sure how to explain that one.’

‘Yeah, sorry,’ Ryan said, looking guilty. ‘How much do they cost again?’

‘Don’t ask,’ Steph told him. ‘You don’t want to know.’

When Ryan got up to help Graham in the kitchen, Steph turned to Yaz, draping her legs over Yaz’s knees and curling against her like a cat.

‘Hey, I bought you something,’ she said quietly, pressing a small parcel into Yaz’s hands. ‘It’s only small. I saw it in the market the other day, thought you’d like it.’ 

Yaz unwrapped the parcel to find a tiny pair of flower earrings, the petals the same colour as the ones they’d all worn behind their ears back in the Punjab. 

‘They’re beautiful,’ Yaz whispered, smiling softly. ‘Thank you.’

‘Do you like them?’ Steph asked nervously. ‘I wasn’t sure. I mean, I saw them and thought of you but I don’t know why.’

‘I love them,’ Yaz said, already fastening the earrings into her ears and tilting her head to show Steph who grinned in response. She leaned forward to kiss her, fingers twisting in short blonde hair as she brought her close. Steph was warm under her hands, her lips soft and hands gentle. Yaz longed for this to be enough, for  _ Steph  _ to be enough, but it was impossible. The glimpse she’d seen of the Doctor, even the holographic version, had been enough to open old wounds and she knew it would take a long time to heal. 

Dinner was vegetables, chicken, and potatoes. A proper Sunday roast, despite the fact it was Wednesday, and Graham was grateful he’d already bought Christmas crackers. It was dark outside and the tree glinted in the corner of the room, shining festive joy in Graham’s little living room as the fam read out their terrible jokes and Steph bounced her little frog across the table, a plastic thing that had come out of the cracker. She looked adorable with her red Christmas hat on and when she reached out to take Yaz’s hand under the table Yaz couldn’t refuse her, though her heart was still broken.

After dinner had been cleared away, the four of them nestled on the sofa in front of the TV; old reruns of shows barely keeping their attention as they yawned and tried not to drift off. Steph was practically asleep against Yaz, exhausted from her shift, and Graham was already snoring. It had been a busy day for all of them and Ryan was about to suggest opening the presents under the tree when Yaz started crying silently. 

‘Yaz, what is it? What’s wrong?’ Steph asked, immediately awake as she sat up and gripped Yaz’s hands tightly. 

‘Sorry, it’s nothing,’ Yaz mumbled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Just my shoulder, that’s all. My shoulder aches.’

The lie was obvious and Steph frowned. 

‘Has the local worn off already?’

‘She lost something,’ Graham explained, reaching over to squeeze Yaz’s arm. ‘Well, we all did. Something fell out of our pocket today, something precious.’

‘What’s that?’ Steph asked, tucking Yaz against her side and holding her tightly. 

‘A watch,’ Yaz mumbled. 

‘A watch? Do you mean this one?’

Steph pulled the fob watch out of her pocket.

It was so silent you could have heard a pin drop.

‘Is this it?’ Steph urged, feeling uncomfortable by the sudden silence. ‘Sorry, I forgot I had it. It fell out your coat pocket earlier?’

‘Yeah, that’s the one,’ Yaz choked.

‘Well, here! It’s yours. Not lost after all,’ Steph smiled, trying to press it into Yaz’s hands; but Yaz shook her head. 

‘No,’ she whispered. ‘No, it’s yours.’

‘I don’t think it is, Yaz,’ Steph said, frowning at it. ‘I mean, it looks vaguely familiar but I don’t think I’ve ever owned a fob watch. Bit old fashioned isn’t it?’

‘Yaz, love,’ Graham said softly, standing up and pulling Ryan up with him. ‘We’ll give you two a minute.’

‘Why?’ Steph asked, looking adorably confused. ‘What’s going on?’

Graham and Ryan left the room and Yaz swallowed hard, tucking herself up on the sofa and reaching out to take Steph’s hand. 

‘You wanted to know how you know us,’ she said quietly. ‘You wanted to know why your life doesn’t make sense.’ She tapped the watch, warm in Steph’s palm. ‘That will tell you. That will tell you everything.’

‘It’s a watch, Yaz,’ Steph said, face scronched as though she thought Yaz had gone bonkers. ‘It tells the time, not the secrets of the universe.’

‘It’s a bit more than that,’ Yaz whispered. ‘Or at least, I think it is. If you open it, I think it will explain everything.’ 

‘Then where did Ryan and Graham go?’ Steph asked, twisting her head to look for them. ‘Why did they leave us alone?’

‘Because I need to say goodbye to you,’ Yaz whispered, a tear trickling down her cheek. ‘Because if I’m right this is gonna be the last time I’m gonna see you.’

‘What?’ Steph’s face was a picture of horror and she shook her head, pressing the watch into Yaz’s hands. ‘No. No I don’t want that, Yaz. I’d rather have you. If I had to decide between understanding my past or staying with you I’m  _ staying with you.’ _

‘You can’t,’ Yaz said gently, smiling softly at her. ‘The universe needs you.’

‘Yaz, I’m a junior doctor,’ Steph said in exasperation. ‘A messed up one at that. The universe would probably be better off without me in it.’

‘You don’t know how wrong you are,’ Yaz said, smiling through her tears. ‘But you will, when you open that watch.’

‘What’s in it that’s so bad?’ Steph whispered. ‘Why won’t I see you again?’

‘Nothing bad is in there,’ Yaz replied. ‘And you will see me again, it’s just - I won’t see you.’

Steph dropped the watch on the sofa between them and leaned back, arms crossed. 

‘Then I’m not opening it,’ she decided. ‘I won’t. Not if it’ll upset you. Not if there’s something in there that means we can’t be together. I refuse.’

Yaz stared at her, at her stubborn, beautiful face. She hadn’t expected this, but then perhaps she should have done? Steph may be messed up and a little broken but she was also, at her heart, a good person. Of course she wouldn’t want to upset Yaz. Of course she’d rather throw away her past than risk hurting another person. 

‘No, of course you won’t,’ Yaz whispered. 

‘I love you, you know,’ Steph smiled, tilting her head at her and reaching out to cup her cheek. ‘I know it’s probably too soon to tell you that but it’s Christmas so why not? I can’t even tell me how happy you make me, how lucky I am you came into my life when you did.’

She reached for her and Yaz fell into her arms, clutching her tightly and pressing her face against her neck. She was warm and soft and Yaz felt fresh tears seep into Steph’s jumper. She knew what she had to do, but it was going to break her heart. 

‘I love you too,’ she whispered, leaning back to press a kiss against Steph’s lips. ‘I’ve always loved you. And I’m sorry, I really  _ really  _ am.’

She was sobbing now, tears flowing freely, and Steph could only reach out helplessly to brush them away with the sleeve of her jumper.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she whispered. ‘I swear. I’m not. I won’t open that watch, I won’t do it.’

‘I know,’ Yaz said, smiling though the pain in her chest was so bad she almost couldn’t bear it. ‘I know you won’t.’ She kissed her again, slowly, savouring her last taste of her as her heart ripped in two. When she pulled away she rested her forehead against Steph’s and took a deep, shuddering breath.

‘Goodbye,’ she whispered. 

Then she closed Steph’s fingers around the watch, opened it, pushed it in her face, and ran from the room as golden light flowed freely from inside the watch and spiraled up into Steph's eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay look. I know I used the holographic/voice interface Doctor trope in my last human nature au but the fam was never gonna work this one out.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! Hopefully it's soft, fluffy (and smutty) enough and worth the wait :)
> 
> HAPPY CHRISTMAS WE MADE IT THROUGH THE HIATUS!!! :D :D

Yaz pushed past Graham and Ryan in the hallway, ignoring their protests and shouts as they called after her, and ran outside into the street; tears tumbling from her eyes and falling freely down her cheeks. She knew it was the right thing but she couldn’t bear the pain. The cost of the Doctor, of the universe being safe once again, was her own happiness. How could she ever bear to see the Doctor again? To hug her? To be anywhere near her? She’d kissed her lips, coaxed pleasure out of her with her mouth and fingers, betrayed their friendship in the worst way possible. The Doctor would never want to see her again, never want to be friends with her again, never come back to visit ever again -

‘YAZ!’

A familiar voice from behind her made her stop and Yaz paused, turning around to see Steph sprinting towards her, running awkwardly without her shoes on and doing a weird jumpy hop on the hard ground.

‘Jeeeeeeez you can move,’ Steph said, panting as she bent over. ‘I’m so out of shape. Too many mince pies.’

‘You - you’re meant to be -’

If Yaz had thought losing Steph was bad, this was worse. The watch hadn’t worked, the Doctor really was gone. She felt panic rising up in her, pain aching in her chest and head, breath coming out in quick bursts as she started to hyperventilate. The Doctor was gone, the Doctor was gone, the Doctor was -

‘Easy,’ Steph murmured. She lifted Yaz’s hand and pressed it against her chest, pulling her in for a hug as she rubbed her shoulders with her free hand and encouraged her to breathe slowly. 

Beneath her hand, Yaz felt the steady beat of twin hearts. 

‘You’re -’

She pulled away, eyes wide and face tear streaked, and the Doctor smiled gently at her. 

‘Hey, Yaz. Long time no see.’ 

Yaz could only stare at her, tears dripping down her face, and she suddenly burst into noisy sobs, the Doctor’s face widening in surprise for a moment before warm arms were holding her tightly and Yaz was pressed so firmly against her she could  _ hear  _ those two hearts beating away in the Doctor’s chest.

‘I’m sorry,’ Yaz choked through her sobs. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Yasmin,’ the Doctor said, pulling away and wiping Yaz’s tears with her sleeve, just as Steph had done barely ten minutes before. ‘You have  _ nothing  _ to be sorry for. Do you understand?  _ Nothing.’ _

‘Guys,’ Graham panted, catching up with the two of them. ‘What’s going on? You alright, Yaz? Steph?’

‘S-she’s n-not S-steph,’ Yaz stammered, unwilling to untangle herself from the Doctor's arms just yet.

Graham’s face went slack and then  _ he  _ started crying as well. 

‘Doc?’

‘Oh no,’ the Doctor said, starting to look panicked. ‘I can’t have two crying humans. Ryan, don’t you dare start.’

But it was too late and soon the Doctor was trying to awkwardly hold all three of them in the street whilst the stars shone above and Yaz’s broken heart began to slowly stitch itself back together. She was forgiven. Everything wasn’t completely back to normal, it may never be again, but she was forgiven. 

‘Guys, lovely though this hug is, I think I  _ might  _ be about to -’

The Doctor’s knees buckled and she slid out of Yaz’s arms and down to the floor, falling awkwardly into Ryan who did his utmost to keep her upright. 

‘Doc? You alright?’ Graham said urgently, clinging to her arm as though he was afraid of losing her again.

‘Yeah,’ she mumbled, eyes sliding closed and head hanging limp. ‘Fine. Brain hurts. Need sofa.’ 

‘Come on, let’s get her inside,’ Graham said, hoisting an arm around her shoulders whilst Ryan did the same and they dragged her to her feet. 

She collapsed seconds later but fortunately Ryan had realised she’d passed out just before her head hit the ground and he just had time to dive down and catch her, awkwardly ending up with the Doctor lying on him as he knelt on the wet ground. 

‘This seems familiar,’ he said thoughtfully as Yaz and Graham helped him maneuver their unconscious friend so he could lift her up with a grunt. 

‘What happened, Yaz?’ Graham asked as Ryan awkwardly carried her back up the street and into the house. ‘You came tearing out of there like a shot.’

‘She wouldn’t open the watch,’ Yaz said, looking at the ground. ‘She refused. I had to do it for her.’

‘Why wouldn’t she open it?’ Graham asked with a frown. ‘I thought she wanted to understand where she’d come from?’

Yaz was silent and Graham let out a quiet  _ oh  _ of acknowledgement. He put an arm across Yaz’s shoulder and gave her a half hug as they walked back towards the house in silence. 

* * *

They stayed up all night, sitting on cushions on the floor while they surrendered the sofa to the Doctor who only lay there, sleeping peacefully. Christmas films did nothing to keep any of them awake and when Yaz woke up it was still pitch black outside and Graham and Ryan were both snoring loudly, the Christmas tree still shining brightly in the corner of the room. 

She wasn’t sure what had woken her and she sat there for a moment, propped up on cushions against the side of the sofa. The time read 4am and Yaz realised with a start that Christmas Day was over. The whole thing had passed so quickly she’d barely noticed. With that came another fresh stab of guilt. Her parents would be  _ furious. _ A few moments later she felt fingers raking gently through her hair and when she turned her head she saw the Doctor looking down at her, eyes soft.

‘Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up,’ the Doctor whispered. 

‘Yes you did,’ Yaz smiled, twisting properly to speak to her. She still looked sleepy though it was clear she was worried about something, and when the Doctor patted the space next to her Yaz carefully stood and stretched out beside her, tucking her arm under her head to prop herself up as the snoring from the two men continued.

‘You need more rest,’ Yaz said, reprimanding her gently. ‘You look exhausted.’

‘Thanks,’ the Doctor said in mock offence, but then her expression became more serious. ‘I was worried,’ she said quietly. ‘About us.’

‘Us?’ Even the word set her heart thumping hard and Yaz had to fight with herself to not jump off that sofa and sprint out of the room. 

‘Yeah, after everything that happened with you and Steph.’

Yaz wanted to be sick. 

‘You - you remember?’

‘It’s a bit fuzzy,’ the Doctor admitted, face scrunched. ‘I need more sleep to sort through all the memories but yeah, I remember.’ 

Yaz swallowed thickly. 

‘What - exactly - do you remember?’

‘Well I remember there was a lot of this, for a start,’ the Doctor said, a cheeky glint in her eyes, then she slid her hands into Yaz’s hair, pulled her close, and kissed her. 

Yaz wanted to scream but was too busy grabbing at Steph’s - the Doctor's - jumper and pulling her closer. She’d never once in a million years anticipated  _ this,  _ but the Doctor's lips were soft against hers and her hands were gentle in her hair and Yaz could already feel the heat pooling between her legs as a wet tongue swiped at her lower lip then carefully began to explore the inside of her mouth. If Steph was a good kisser the Doctor was  _ better  _ and Yaz was fully prepared to go as far as the other woman wanted. She’d screw her right here and now on the sofa if that’s what she wanted, which was certainly where Yaz thought they might be going as the Doctor's hand slipped down to her hip before slowly sliding underneath, running up her side and -

_ ‘Ahem.’ _

A soft cough from behind caught their attention and Yaz flushed crimson as she realised Graham and Ryan were both a) in the room and b) awake.

‘Hey,’ the Doctor said, grinning guilty and not looking in the least bit sorry.

‘Well, you’re looking brighter,’ Graham muttered, hands pressed over his face. ‘Is it safe to look?’

‘Yep, all good,’ Yaz squeaked as she carefully sat herself up, crossing her legs neatly as she perched on the edge of the sofa and tried to will all the blood to drain from her face and make it a little less red. 

The Doctor curled up in a ball and went straight back to sleep. 

‘What was that we were saying about the Doctor not reciprocating?’ Ryan said, eyebrow raised. 

‘She’s obviously a big softie,’ Graham chuckled, standing up and wincing when his back creaked. ‘I’m going to bed, since she’s alright. You want the guest room, Yaz?’

‘Nah, I’ll stay down here with her,’ Yaz said, inclining her head at the Doctor. ‘Night.’

‘Or morning,’ Ryan pointed out, looking at the clock. He winked at Yaz once Graham had left the room and Yaz pulled a face at him.

‘I do reciprocate,’ the Doctor mumbled tiredly when they’d heard the gentle sounds of the bedroom doors closing upstairs. ‘I just didn't know you felt that way about me.’

‘I  _ snogged you,’  _ Yaz pointed out, flabbergasted, and the Doctor opened an eye. 

‘Yeah, took me by surprise.’

‘Really? I thought it was obvious how I felt about you.’

The Doctor sat up sleepily, pulling up her blanket when it fell from her shoulders and placing her head on Yaz’s lap. 

‘I’m not amazing at reading clues,’ she said, fingers curling against Yaz’s leg. ‘I mean, I guess I must have noticed without  _ really  _ noticing, you know? Cause it took me by surprise but I also wasn’t flamingo.’

‘You weren’t what?’

The Doctor scronched her face. 

‘Brain,’ she said by way of explanation. ‘Need more sleep. You gonna cuddle me or what?’

She took her head off of Yaz’s leg so Yaz could lie down next to her, the Doctor immediately pressing into her as hard as she could whilst placing her head on Yaz’s shoulder and sighing happily. 

‘I thought you were gonna be mad,’ Yaz said, carefully stroking the Doctor's hair in one hand while she pulled her close with the other.

‘Why would I be mad?’ the Doctor mumbled, half asleep. 

‘I mean, we -’ Yaz flushed and trailed off, unable to finish the rest of that sentence without feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush. 

‘Shagged in the shower?’ the Doctor finished for her, and Yaz spluttered. 

‘Um, yeah.’

‘You did that with  _ Steph,  _ not me,’ the Doctor said. ‘Though I can see why you’d be worried, what with it technically being my body and all. I’ve still got the hickeys to prove it. S’fine though. Really. I can’t blame you for falling for a human version of me when you were already after the real thing, especially if you thought you weren’t gonna see me again.’

She smiled up at Yaz with a cheeky smile on her face. 

‘How much of that was her though?’ Yaz said quietly. ‘The drinking, the drugs, the one-night stands. Is that what you’d be like as a human?’

The Doctor pulled a face. 

‘Uh. Yes, technically. Sometimes, when we’re human, our Time Lord self sort of -  _ seeps  _ through. She was destructive cause she was seeing bits of me, parts of my memories coming through, but she didn't know how to process them so it made her like that instead. It didn't help that the Polarans didn't really know what they were doing, luckily the TARDIS was still linked with the arch or I would probably have died on the streets. Oh, Yaz! Sorry, wasn’t thinking.’

She wriggled down the sofa and pressed her forehead against Yaz’s, arms wrapping tightly around her as sleep tried to drag her back down again. Yaz, who’d been just about holding it together, had started crying and now seemed unable to stop and had her face pressed against the Doctor's neck in an attempt to stem the flow of tears. Part of her knew that the Doctor's happy-go-lucky outward appearance was a facade, she’d seen her dark and furious before, but knowing that that part of herself was so bad it would leak out and affect an innocent, confused human version of her was more than Yaz could bear. She missed Steph so badly her chest ached with the pain of it. The Doctor was back, the Doctor still cared about her, but Steph had been so -

‘Human,’ the Doctor whispered, and Yaz didn't even have the energy to tell her off for listening to her thoughts, though she was so out of it Yaz doubted she was doing it on purpose. 

Yaz lay there in the dark, tears drying on her cheeks as the Doctor went back to sleep beside her, and didn't sleep at all.

* * *

_ New Polaris (formally planet #2581) _

_ 5 weeks later _

The cubs barked happily as the Doctor raced through the snow with them and Graham laughed as a snowball hit her in the face and floored her barely two seconds later. It was freezing on New Polaris, but also beautiful, and Yaz kept her hands wrapped around her warm mug as she watched the Doctor get back to her feet indignantly, pretending to be hurt before chasing after the children again. 

Simpa smiled as she watched her children playing. It had finally stopped snowing and the sky above was beautiful and grey, the soft light of twin suns illuminating the snow and making it shine.

‘The sky is so much like that of my homeworld,’ Simpa said wistfully. ‘Sometimes I forget it is not the real thing.’

‘It’s a gorgeous planet,’ Graham agreed, tugging his hat over his ears. The Doctor was in her usual outfit, with the extra addition of the star-covered scarf Ryan had bought Steph for Christmas which she’d quickly claimed for herself, and hadn’t seemed to notice the cold; but then she rarely did. 

‘It is,’ Simpa agreed. ‘And perfectly suited for us.’ She looked down at her paws, toying with the hat of one of her cubs. ‘I wonder if she’ll ever forgive us,’ she whispered quietly. 

‘Mate, look at her,’ Ryan pointed out. ‘I’m pretty sure she already has.’

The Doctor was now sprinting through the snow as fast as her legs could carry her back towards their little home as five excitable cubs chased behind her. 

‘They can really move!’ she panted, hands on her knees as the cubs barrelled into the house looking for snacks. 

She flopped down beside Yaz, shaking her head and flinging bits of snow everywhere. The tip of her nose was pink and she sneezed suddenly, the wet snow-covered ends of her hair shaking with the motion and covering Yaz in tiny droplets of water. 

‘We have trouble keeping up with them,’ Simpa agreed, handing the Doctor a cup of something hot that tasted vaguely like raspberries; Yaz still hadn’t managed to put a name to it. ‘Excuse me, I’d better make sure they don’t destroy the house.’

She went back inside and the Doctor sipped her drink happily, snow melting from the ends of her hair and dripping onto Yaz. 

‘Good find, Doc,’ Graham said, nodding his head in approval. ‘It’s a nice place.’

‘Yeah, I thought so too,’ the Doctor agreed. ‘Been abandoned for years. There was talk of building a ski resort here but that got squashed. Apparently someone lost the documents that granted planning permission and then the company was liquidised so another couldn’t be produced.’

‘You mean “liquidated”, don’t you, Doctor?’ Ryan asked with a frown, and the Doctor made an uncomfortable sound.

‘Um. No. I mean liquidised. You think Earth bureaucracy is bad…’

‘So that’s it then, all sorted?’ Graham asked. ‘The Polarans have a new home, you’ve stopped being a disaster human, and it’s back in time for tea?’

‘More or less,’ the Doctor replied, looking up at the sky. ‘I guess we should probably face Yaz’s family sooner rather than later.’

Yaz made a pained noise. She’d woken up alone on the sofa on Boxing Day to the sound of the TARDIS materialising into Graham’s living room, knocking over the Christmas Tree in the process. It seemed Ryan and the Doctor had gone on an early morning trip to the hospital car park to retrieve her ship and the Doctor was already hard at work trying to track down the Polaran refugee ships, frowning at her console and fiddling with various buttons and levers; totally ignoring her companions’ suggestion that she needed another nap. 

(not that that truly mattered in the end, as she’d crashed about five hours in and had to be transferred back to the sofa)

After that it had been relatively simple for the Doctor to convince the Polarans to move to the new planet she’d found for them, rather than them try to repeat the same act of almost-genocide on other worlds. Yaz wasn’t sure what the Doctor had said to them, but it was clear she’d given them a proper telling off as they were all extremely apologetic and sheepish following the talks. They all seemed a little frightened of her which Yaz couldn’t understand. She was so kind and forgiving, why were they so afraid?

‘... right, Yaz?’

Yaz blinked at Ryan.

‘Sorry?

‘Your parents invited us round for New Year, didn't they?’ he prompted.

‘Oh, yeah. They did,’ she remembered. ‘Wait, what was the day we left Earth?’

It had been 5 weeks in the TARDIS, but Yaz was sure they’d left towards the end of December.

‘29th December at 3:46pm,’ the Doctor said cheerily. ‘You never know, if you’re really lucky I’ll be able to get you back the same day.’

She shot a look at the TARDIS, half buried in snow by the side of Simpa’s little home. Very slowly, Graham, Ryan, and Yaz had come to the realisation that actually the TARDIS was the reason for most of their late trips home. The Doctor really hadn’t been joking when she said her ship had a mind of her own. 

After saying goodbye to Simpa and her pups, the Doctor brushed the snow off the TARDIS door and held it open for her friends to all clamber inside. The ship was warm and they left their snowy boots by the door, knowing how much the TARDIS hated being dripped on. Yaz went immediately to her bedroom, making a mumbled excuse about needing a warmer jumper, but she didn't miss the look of dismay on the Doctor’s face as she shot past her, and she thought she may even have heard Ryan consoling her quietly; though who knew what she needed consoling about. 

Tugging on dryer clothes, Yaz headed back to the console room to find the Doctor had already landed them in Sheffield and had disappeared, leaving Graham and Ryan in her wake. 

‘Alright, Yaz?’ Graham said gently, but she only smiled brightly at him and nodded before disappearing through the doors and heading up to her parent’s flat. She’d only just been forgiven for abandoning them on Christmas Day, and most of Boxing Day, and wasn’t sure her flimsy excuse about finding out the Doctor had been ill in hospital with Dengue fever after travelling had held up. 

‘Yaz!’

She turned to find Ryan running after her, out of breath and panting when he finally caught up with her. 

‘How do you run so fast? Mate, you’ve got to stop ignoring the Doctor.’

Yaz’s jaw dropped open.

‘I’m not ignoring her!’

‘Well you’re not being particularly friendly to her either!’ Ryan protested. ‘The poor woman’s in bits. She can face down the Daleks no problem but she can’t deal with the way you’re treating her. She’s miserable, Yaz. She blames herself.’

‘What?’

Yaz felt guilt gnawing at her insides. She knew her relationship with the Doctor had changed, they were hardly the best friends they used to be, but after kissing her on the sofa the Doctor had said nothing, done nothing, and Yaz figured she hadn’t really meant it; accepting perhaps it was the last vestiges of Steph seeping through. The Doctor wasn’t Steph but Yaz couldn’t stop thinking about her. Steph had been so broken and alone and the Doctor was so vibrant and full of boundless energy. Maybe Yaz was only attracted to broken women, who knows?

‘Just talk to her, please?’ Ryan begged. ‘Cause me and Graham don’t know what to say to her. Or what to do with her. She’s just been moping around the TARDIS and now she hasn’t got this Polaran thing to keep her occupied she’s probably gonna start tinkering and you know the TARDIS doesn’t like it.’

Yaz looked down at the floor, ashamed to find tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. 

‘Yaz…’ Ryan said softly, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you. But I care about the Doctor too and you’re both miserable. You need to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. You liked her before? Maybe you liked Steph more, I dunno, but Steph’s gone and the Doctor’s here and even with all of us around her she’s still alone, Yaz. Please. Just tell her how you feel.’

Yaz nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and Ryan hugged her tightly. 

‘We care about both of you so much,’ he whispered quietly. ‘But you’re both such idiots.’

Yaz hiccup-laughed into his shoulder. 

* * *

Fortunately, the Doctor had remembered the cover story Yaz had given her for her absence and was currently regaling her mum about her imaginary stay in a Brazilian hospital while she recovered from her imaginary dengue fever. Yaz wasn’t even sure the Doctor's superior biology (dodgy ectospleen aside) would allow her to contract dengue, but luckily she’d responded to Ryan’s suggestion of ‘just say you were completely out of it the whole time' with gusto. 

Yaz watched her from the corner of her room, only half-listening as her cousins spoke about the recent wedding they’d gone to. She looked gorgeous, hair curly and star-patterned scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. Yaz didn't even think she’d ever once taken it off, much to Ryan’s delight, and she’d clearly been rummaging around in the TARDIS wardrobe as she was now wearing a dark pink jumper with her favourite rainbow design across the front. She looked up at Yaz and Yaz flushed and looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes without picturing that soft face flushed and gasping beneath her. How the Doctor could still bear to speak to her Yaz had no idea. 

‘Doing it again, mate,’ Ryan muttered, pushing a glass into her hands. ‘Go talk to her. I think she needs rescuing from your mum.’

‘What do I say?’ Yaz asked quietly. 

‘Maybe start by asking how she is?’ Ryan suggested. ‘She’s been a bit of a mess, you know, ever since the human thing. I think I can hear her calling out in the night sometimes, on the rare occasions she does sleep. It must have been really traumatic, having your entire biology rewritten against your will.’

‘You’re right,’ Yaz agreed, grabbing a bowl of crisps from the side before she lost her nerve. ‘I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna go talk to her.’

The Doctor looked beyond grateful when Yaz dropped down beside her and pressed the bowl of crisps into her hands. She immediately tucked her feet up on the sofa and snuggled against Yaz, head resting against her shoulder, and Yaz didn't miss the way her mum’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline as she quickly excused herself. 

‘Hey,’ Yaz said hesitantly, fingers dropping into her hair as she carefully ran the curly strands through her fingers. 

‘Hey,’ the Doctor murmured in response. She looked tired and Yaz realised Ryan had probably been right about the nightmares, it was very unlikely she’d been sleeping properly.

A soft hand snuck into Yaz’s and she squeezed it gently, running her thumb reassuringly across the back of the Doctor's hand as she tried to push the image of her and Steph sat watching terrible Christmas films out of her head, especially considering where that memory inevitably led. The Doctor's eyes were closed and Yaz realised with a start she’d fallen asleep against her shoulder almost immediately, still pressed tightly into her and curled around her arm. 

‘You alright there, Yaz?’ Graham said, shrugging off his jacket to tuck over the Doctor's shoulders. ‘She looks knackered. I’m not surprised though, she’s been pretty much non-stop trying to get the Polarans a new home.’

‘Ryan said he hears her crying sometimes,’ Yaz said quietly, tucking the Doctor's hair behind her ear. 

‘Yeah, I hear her too,’ Graham said sadly, sitting down beside her and taking great care not to jostle their sleeping friend awake. ‘I’ve tried talking to her about it but - well, you know what she’s like. Doesn’t like to admit she’s hurting. She seems comfortable with you though.’

‘I didn't know what to say to her, Graham,’ Yaz admitted quietly, feeling the Doctor breathing gently against her neck. ‘I feel like I took advantage of her as a human because she finally wanted to be with me.’

‘You didn't think she was coming back,’ Graham pointed out. ‘And we discussed this, didn't we? I told you to go for it, Ryan told you to go for it, and the Doc doesn’t blame you. She’s not mad. She’s told me as much herself. I had to get her a little bit drunk first, mind, but eventually she opened up a little bit.’ 

‘You got her drunk?’ Yaz spluttered. ‘How?’

‘I have my ways,’ Graham replied, tapping the side of his nose conspiratorially. ‘You want a book or anything? I think you’re gonna be there for a while.’

‘I kind of want to get her in bed,’ Yaz admitted, ‘but I’m worried she won’t go back to sleep again if I wake her up. A book would be great. Thanks, Graham. There’s one on my bedside table if you don’t mind grabbing it for me?’

He returned with Yaz’s book and blanket and Yaz shifted carefully against the back of the sofa, the Doctor stretching out sleepily and nuzzling against her chest. She didn't wake up though, and Yaz threw the blanket over her, picked up her book, and started to read. 

* * *

The Doctor sat bolt upright about an hour later, hair askew and looking thoroughly surprised at finding herself sleeping.

‘Hey, sunshine,’ Graham chuckled from the armchair. He’d joined Yaz in relaxing in the chairs whilst the party continued around them and the Doctor blinked at him.

‘Was I asleep?!’

‘Yup,’ Yaz told her with a grin. ‘It were well cute.’ 

She scronched her face and rubbed her eyes, yawning into her hand before suddenly looking up at the clock in horror; face relaxing a moment later. 

‘Oh, good,’ she said, relieved. ‘I haven’t missed it.’

‘You’ve got ten minutes till midnight, just in time,’ Graham said. 

‘I’m digging the hair,’ Ryan told her seriously, plopping down onto the carpet in front of them. ‘Suits you.’

The Doctor patted down her messy blonde hair, pulling a face as she felt the stray strands sticking out either side of her head. It hadn’t helped that Yaz had been running her fingers through it, but obviously she didn't admit it. 

‘Telly’s going on!’ Sonya announced to a cheer from the rest of the guests as she set the TV to BBC One ready for the fireworks. More seemed to have turned up and the flat was packed full of bodies. It was starting to get hot and Yaz kicked the blanket off her legs, heading into the kitchen to find more food. 

She was joined a second later by the Doctor, still flushed and flustered from her surprise nap, who was anxiously playing with her hands. 

‘Um, do you want to go outside?’ the Doctor asked quietly. ‘It’s a bit hot in here.’

Yaz’s heart immediately leaped up into her throat but she nodded and a few moments later she shut the front door and stepped out onto the blissfully colder balcony, the Doctor sighing in relief beside her as the party continued loudly behind them. 

‘Thanks,’ the Doctor smiled. ‘For letting me nap on you, as well as coming outside with me.’

‘Graham said you haven’t been sleeping,’ Yaz said quietly, and the Doctor made an exasperated noise.

‘Urgh. He got me wasted. I had  _ such  _ a hangover the next day. Never go drinking with Graham, Yaz. He can hold back more than he’s letting on.’

‘I’ll remember that,’ Yaz chuckled, thinking back to the gala all those months ago. 

The Doctor leant against the balcony, looking out across Sheffield in the distance and to the TARDIS down below; the blue light glowing irrediscently in the darkness. 

‘Are we okay?’ she asked quietly, not meeting Yaz’s eye, and Yaz felt her heart breaking. 

‘Of course we are,’ she whispered, though she didn't immediately go to the Doctor's side like she usually would; staying a good few feet away from her instead. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, I didn't mean to.’

‘I get it, I do,’ the Doctor said softly. ‘I know you feel embarrassed by the whole thing but you don’t need to be. You didn't think I was coming back and Steph - well, she loved you, Yaz. I remember what it felt like, loving you.’

Yaz wanted to cry and the Doctor swallowed hard.

‘I just - you had feelings for me too, didn't you? I mean you kissed me at that gala so you must have done a little bit? And when I came back - on the sofa - you kissed me then, too. Or maybe I kissed you. Either way, there was kissing.’ 

Yaz could only nod but she took a step back when the Doctor reached out to her, pain slicing through her as she heard the Doctor's quiet intake of breath. It felt impossible, untangling the feelings she had for Steph and finding the ones she had for the Doctor in amongst them. She remembered how soft Steph had felt under her hands, how gentle and loving she’d been, and she longed to hold her but it wasn’t Steph stood in front of her, not anymore. 

‘Yaz,’ the Doctor said gently, and Yaz’s heart ached at how broken she sounded. ‘Please, look at me? Talk to me?’

Inside her flat, and drifting down from other flats around her, Yaz could hear her neighbours counting down as midnight drew closer. The Doctor took a step forward with her hand outstretched and this time Yaz didn't pull away, looking up at her as their hands linked together. The Doctor's eyes were soft and her cheeks were flushed. She took another hesitant step into her space as her neighbours began to count down from ten and this time Yaz moved with her, hesitantly placing her hands on the Doctor's hips as soft arms wrapped around her shoulders. 

‘I - I do have feelings for you,’ Yaz said, shaking a little in the Doctor's arms. ‘I always have done. It’s just, they’re not the same feelings I had for Steph and it’s - it’s all mixed up in my head. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you I just didn't know if you - I mean - if you felt about me the way Steph did. I miss her so much, but I missed you so much more. It’s just taken me a long time to realise it.’

The Doctor smiled warmly and ran her thumb over Yaz’s cheek soothingly. 

‘Okay, thank you for being honest. Can I kiss you now? I love this human tradition. It’s one of my favs.’

Yaz nodded, a small smile on her face as her heart thumped in her chest, and when the Doctor leaned down and pressed their lips together as the clocks struck midnight it felt like fireworks exploding behind her eyes. She clutched at her, pulling their bodies together as a wet tongue slid between her lips and warm arms pressed her close. It was cold on the balcony but the Doctor was warm and Yaz could feel heat flood through her at the sensation. She tugged at her clothes, feeling the Doctor's quiet moan as she slid her hand up her side under her jumper. She moved her hands from the Doctor's hips to her hair, gripping tightly and angling her head to better explore her mouth. There was heat pooling between her legs and she was starting to ache with guilt and lust. She’d pushed the Doctor away without even considering that the other woman might have feelings for her, it had just seemed so impossible. 

‘Yaz, Doc! Happy new - oh whoops, sorry!’

Graham disappeared back into the flat and the Doctor broke apart from Yaz’s lips, panting with a stupid smile on her face. 

‘TARDIS?’ she suggested, eyes dark, and Yaz agreed immediately. 

* * *

Inside the box, Yaz grabbed her hand and dragged her to her room; pushing her up against the door as soon as they were inside and tugging her jumper up and over her head, pausing only to untangle her braces from her shoulders as she grumbled in frustration.

‘Oi,’ the Doctor mumbled, lips warm against her neck. ‘Braces are cool.’

‘On you they are,’ Yaz agreed, tugging at her trousers and expertly stripping her until she stood in just her underwear and nothing else. 

‘Wait, Yaz,’ the Doctor panted. ‘Are you - are you sure?’

Her eyes were large, pupils blown wide, and Yaz leant in to suck a hickey into the pale skin of her neck. She didn't take her Christmas present scarf off anyway, the boys were unlikely to see but even if they did Yaz found she didn't care; Graham had just caught them sucking face on the balcony after all. 

‘Very sure,’ Yaz whispered when the Doctor was a quivering mess against her, hands trembling as she dragged the clothes from Yaz’s body and abandoned them to the floor. 

Yaz pushed her back onto the bed, straddling her lap as she reached around to unfasten the Doctor’s bra to slide it down and off her shoulders. The Doctor’s lips went to the now healed scar on her shoulder, kissing it so lovingly Yaz could only hold onto her and sigh through the sensations. Her brain was buzzing, skin vibrating at the other woman’s touch against her and she found she had to lean back and press her ear against the Doctor's chest, just to make sure this  _ was  _ the Doctor. 

‘Still me,’ the Doctor whispered, realising what Yaz was doing as her hands slid up Yaz’s waist. 

‘Just checking,’ Yaz replied, and she wriggled down the bed to take her nipple in her mouth, swirling her tongue over the hardened bud as the Doctor gasped and arched up underneath her. She was more receptive than Steph, but Yaz quickly tried to push that thought out of her head. She wasn’t about to have sex with Steph, it was the Doctor moaning quietly into her ear and thrusting her body up against Yaz’s mouth. 

Yaz moved her mouth to the Doctor's neck, teeth gently tugging at her skin as her hand slid down her body to palm her over her underwear, the material already damp against her fingers. 

‘Please, Yaz,’ the Doctor begged beneath her, wriggling her hips in an attempt to get Yaz to move lower. 

‘Please what?’ Yaz whispered, carefully moving down the Doctor's bare chest; leaving soft kisses as she did so until she was settled between her legs and the Doctor was looking down at her, cheeks pink and eyes black.

The Doctor didn't respond, she instead reached down to take Yaz’s hand and moved it inside her underwear, sighing as Yaz’s fingertips ghosted over soft hair and through slick folds. 

Yaz moved lower still, sliding a finger carefully inside her as the Doctor moved her hand into Yaz’s hair and let out a noise that sounded like a moan crossed with a sob. She was soaking wet and tight around Yaz’s finger and as Yaz carefully leaned in to run her tongue across her clit, sliding another finger inside her to join the first, the Doctor immediately brought up her legs either side of Yaz’s head and dug her fingers into her hair; crying out as Yaz set up a slow pace with her fingers thrusting slowly as her tongue lapped at her. 

Yaz could feel her shaking slightly under her hands, eyes screwed tightly shut as she gripped onto Yaz’s hair and moaned into the quiet stillness of the air. She was trying not to think about Steph, trying to not think about how Steph had done exactly what the Doctor was doing; legs either side of her head, hands in her hair, squirming and begging above her. Yaz pressed the flat of her tongue against her clit, fingers moving faster as she heard the Doctor begin to pant a little quicker above her. Her jaw and arm was aching but she couldn’t stop now. The Doctor had dropped her hands to the sheets and was awkwardly thrusting her hips up against Yaz’s mouth, begging her to go faster, deeper, harder. 

Yaz obliged as best she could, gripping the Doctor's hips and pulling her against her mouth as she sucked at her clit and curled her fingers upwards. She could hear how wet she was as she thrust into her and as the Doctor’s thighs clenched either side of her head she let out a low moan, arching her back off the bed as Yaz felt her flutter and tighten around her fingers. 

She was panting, eyes shut when Yaz pulled out of her and wriggled back up the bed, nuzzling her neck and pulling the duvet up over the two of them. The Doctor rolled into her, bare leg going inbetween Yaz’s as she curled around her and tried to catch her breath. 

‘Better?’ Yaz whispered, stroking her hair gently.

The Doctor nodded, hand drifting up Yaz’s chest to cup her breast softly. 

‘Much,’ she whispered, and Yaz realised the leg between her own was getting angled up a little until she felt pressure from the Doctor's thigh against her clit. She closed her eyes, tugging a little on the Doctor’s hair as the other woman carefully climbed on top of her and kissed her softly; tongue sliding into her mouth as she gripped Yaz’s hips and urged her to bear down against her leg. 

‘You’re so beautiful,’ the Doctor whispered against her neck, fingers drifting down between Yaz’s legs as she slipped two fingers easily inside her. Yaz bucked up against her touch, sighing happily as the Doctor dropped her mouth to her breast so she could suck gently at her skin; fingers moving slowly inside her. 

‘Says you,’ Yaz murmured, gripping the Doctor's arms tightly as waves of pleasure swept up from between her legs. 

‘You are, though,’ the Doctor said quietly, stroking Yaz’s hair away from her face. ‘Inside and out.’

Yaz looked up at her, her eyes soft in the low light of the room and voice quiet. She was gazing at Yaz with something akin to adoration and it was doing things to her that only amplified the sensations from her fingers. Yaz could see the faint bruise on her neck from where she’d sucked lightly at the skin and she pulled her head down to kiss her again, moaning into the Doctor's mouth when her thumb slipped over her clit and slid easily across her. 

She angled up her hips and the Doctor gasped as she slid deeper inside her, moaning as she dropped her head down to Yaz’s neck and curled her fingers upwards as her thumb moved in slow circles against her clit. 

Yaz clung to her, nails digging into her back as her breaths came out in short gasps and she closed her eyes; arching into the Doctor's touch. She was wound up so tight already she knew it wouldn’t take long, and she could hear how wet she was as the Doctor carefully slid slickened fingers in and out of her while her thumb ghosted over her clit and her lips sucked gently at her nipple. 

It felt different compared to sex with Steph, more… loving? Yaz wasn’t sure if that was the word or not, but she’d missed the Doctor so much that by the time she was tangling in the sheets with Steph it was desperation fuelling her lust and she hadn’t really given herself the opportunity to really savour the moment properly. The Doctor was taking her time with her, working her up beautifully and sending the most incredible sensations shooting through her; so intense that Yaz could feel her toes curling under the sheets.

Yaz slid a hand down between their bodies, nudging the Doctor's legs apart slightly so she could run her fingers down into wet heat, slickness coating them as she rubbed gently between the other woman’s legs. 

The Doctor moaned loudly against her skin, fingers thrusting a little firmer between Yaz’s legs, and Yaz suddenly felt pleasure like a white hot wave shoot through her as something in her belly snapped and her climax smacked into her. Seconds later she felt the Doctor shudder against her fingers, gasping and then collapsing against Yaz with her fingers still buried inside her. 

They lay there before a moment, panting amongst the sheets, and then the Doctor carefully withdrew her fingers and pulled herself up the bed, wrapping herself around Yaz so tightly Yaz could feel her hearts pounding through her skin.

‘Hey,’ she said gently, fingers running through her hair as the Doctor placed her head carefully against Yaz’s shoulder. 

‘Hey,’ the Doctor mumbled, tilting her head to look up at Yaz with a dopey smile on her face.

Yaz laughed at her expression. She looked half asleep, exhausted, but also extremely pleased with herself. 

The Doctor scronched her face. ‘What was that for?’ she said sleepily. 

Yaz kissed her so deeply that by the time she pulled away the Doctor was practically asleep against her, body slack against her own.

Yaz wriggled down the bed to hug her properly, burying the two of them under the sheets. 

‘Happy New Year, Doctor,’ she said quietly.

‘Happy New Year,’ the Doctor replied quietly, and when she fell asleep barely seconds later Yaz couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather be, or the last time she’d felt this content.

Her phone pinged, abandoned in the pocket of her jeans on the floor, and Yaz carefully stretched out an arm to retrieve it; mindful of the woman drooling into her shoulder. It was a text from Ryan.

_ Where did you and the Doctor go?  _

Yaz sent him a ;) emoji in response, turned the phone off, and went to sleep. 


End file.
